There's no such flavor as Kaiba Light
by Nenya85
Summary: Runs with the flawed premise that the Millennium Items can grant the wishes of the heart. Basically, Kaiba's got company, and Yugi and Yami get dragged into the ensuing mess. Occupies the underpopulated HumorAngst category. Prideshipping Yami/Kaiba COMPLETE
1. I'm Nobody's Hikari

**Please read and review. Every time I start a story, I always wonder if people are reading it and what they think, and what I've left out. So please take the time to let me know.**

**AUTHOR'S NOTES:**

**Summary:** Takes the flawed premise that the Millennium Items can grant the wishes of the heart, and the even more flawed one that High Priest Seto is (or could be) a spirit of the Millennium Rod, and runs with both ideas. Basically, Kaiba's got company, and Yugi and Yami get dragged into the ensuing mess. AU. Occupies the under populated humor/angst category. Oh yeah, yaoi (major pairings: Kaiba/Seto, Yami/Kaiba)

**Alternative Timeline:** This story starts immediately after Alcatraz and veers off in its own (possibly warped) direction. Kaiba does not go to America, but returns to Domino.

**Major Canon Violation Warning:** Although (hopefully) everyone stays in-character, the story violates canon in turning the High Priest incarnation of Seto Kaiba into a spirit in the Millennium Rod. (Not to mention giving the Rod to Kaiba in the first place…) It also gives each spirit and host combination (a description that I prefer to yamis and hikaris) their own joint soul room ala the Noa's Arc section of the anime, mainly because they need a place to talk… or whatever….

**Names:** **_Seto_** is used to refer to the High Priest version. **_Kaiba_** refers to Seto Kaiba.

**Puzzle Note:** I'm sticking with canon on this one in that Yami is a spirit in the puzzle. Unlike many stories (including my own) he does not have a separate body in this story.

**Style Note:** _Italics are used to show conversations between hosts and spirits that are taking place in the presence of other people. _Conversations between spirits and their hosts that occur when they are alone are not italicized since the purpose of the italics is to show this is a conversation that not everyone can hear.

**_Chapters 1 & 2_** are posted together, mainly because I think it takes until Chapter 2 to get a sense of the story…

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Author chooses not to warn.

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**CHAPTER 1: ****I'M NOBODY'S HIKARI **

**YUGI'S POV**

"I believe that you are, for the moment at least, the rightful guardian of this item," Isis said.

"Hmmph," Kaiba snorted, not bothering with words, as he reached for the ornate box that housed the Millennium Rod.

Battle City was finally over. Isis had asked us to invite Kaiba to a meeting with her at the museum so she could hand over the Millennium Rod. I would have figured that Kaiba was sick of us, and anxious to get on with his latest project, but he had shown up right on time.

"_Are you really so surprised that Kaiba acceded to your request?"_ I heard my aibou's voice in my head.

"_No,"_ I admitted. "_With anyone else I would say that he came out of friendship. With Kaiba… I guess he figures he owes us."_

"_For Kaiba, that is friendship,"_ my partner commented quietly.

"It is important that you respect the Item that is being trusted to your care, and believe in its power," Isis added urgently.

_"Talk about aiming for the moon,"_ I said to Yami. I heard his laughter in my head.

_"I think Kaiba is about to prove your point,"_ Yami answered.

Kaiba sighed.

"Look, you want someone overflowing with belief, give it to the runt over there," he said with a nod in my direction. "You want someone to keep your worthless little trinket in a high security vault, hand it over. It's up to you. I don't give a shit either way."

"It is important that you understand the danger. Do not try to wield it. The Millenium Rod's power is too great for you to control."

_"What did she have to go and say that for!"_ I wailed to my other self.

Yami sighed. _"Isis never knew when to simply accept victory in silence."_

We waited for the inevitable reaction.

"Are you saying I can't handle this piece of junk?" Kaiba snarled.

"Remember what happened to my brother," Isis warned.

"And you remember... I'm not your weakling of a brother," Kaiba snapped. He whirled from the room, trench coat flying like a cape behind him.

I heard Yami murmur to himself, _"I can almost hear the slap of sandals on a stone floor."_

_"We're in for it now,"_ I said

_"I know, aibou. It was a foolish move."_

_"How long do you think it'll be before he tests the Rod's power?"_

_"I'd be surprised if he makes it through the night."_

**KAIBA'S POV**

I knew what they were thinking. They figured I wouldn't last the day. Well, they were wrong. I made it to 3:00 AM to be exact. In all fairness (not that I felt like being fair) I have to admit if it wasn't for Mokuba and Kaiba Corporation, I wouldn't have lasted the hour.

I had to pick up Mokuba. So I threw the Rod in the backseat. When we reached Kaiba Corporation, I realized leaving a hunk of gold in the car didn't square with my promise to take care of it.

So I carried it to the office, and promptly forgot about it again. After all, it wasn't like I didn't have plenty of distractions – work being the least of them.

I remembered the last time I had seen Yugi – or rather the part of him that only seemed to appear when he dueled. Yugi and his band of nitwits could give him a name, could call him Yami, all they wanted… it wasn't going to make him real… except late at night, when you're too tired to discipline your thoughts. He was real enough then.

I hadn't seen either version since Yami had stood atop my Duel tower at Alcatraz, and dared me to attack him with all my anger and hatred; to unleash the ultimate dragon that I would have sworn was the living embodiment of my rage.

And Yami had not only withstood my anger… he had dispersed it, just as surely as he had defused my monster. Oh not entirely, of course… but for the first time I could see beyond my fury. I could see that my dragon was more than the outward expression of my rage… that he carried my dreams into the future as well.

I had tried to destroy my past and failed. Maybe making peace with it (or ignoring it – it came to the same thing) wouldn't work any better, but I was willing to give it a shot. I had a company to run and a brother to care for. For the first time I realized… I had a life to live – and it was time to get on with it… without complications, for once.

I sat in my office pretending to work, until it was time for Mokuba and I to go home. I carried the box inside the house, threw it on my bed, hung out with Mokuba, and forgot about it all over again.

It wasn't until it was 3:00 AM, and I was possibly tired enough to get some sleep, that I saw it – and my anger returned.

I stared at the ornate box, remembering Isis' warnings. I didn't believe in them, but I wasn't going to be afraid of a stick either – gold or not. And I wasn't going to tamely submit to her commands.

I don't know what Yugi was thinking of – bringing in an incompetent duelist like Isis to lecture me. Didn't Yugi know I would have done anything he asked, just because he was the one doing the asking? He had saved Mokuba. Didn't he know what that meant to me? And if there really was another person in that body (which was too little to house one person, much less two)… after all the times we'd dueled, after all we'd been through – did he still think so little of me that he thought I'd refuse? All these years after Death-T… did he think I still had so little honor? I thought things had changed more than that. Well, fuck him.

Furious now, and spoiling for a fight, I threw off the lid, reached inside the box, grabbed the sucker, and yelled, "Anybody in there? Come out and show yourself!"

Just as I thought… nothing happened.

I was glad that was settled.

I tossed the Rod onto the night-table next to my bed, and got into bed, myself. I looked at it, groaned and moved it into bed with me. I'd find a safer place for the hunk of junk in the morning.

I'd barely fallen asleep before opening my eyes again. Of course I recognized the body leaning over me. It was mine. I seemed to have acquired a doppelganger in my sleep. I looked closer. Well, a slightly inferior copy, actually. His hair was slightly lighter, his skin slightly darker. And I like to sleep in boxers. In seemed my inexact duplicate preferred nothing at all.

Why go to all the trouble of dreaming up myself, only to have him be slightly different? I frowned. The sheer unpredictableness of dreams never failed to annoy me, but I had learned the hard way that trying to control them was a surefire recipe for turning dreams into nightmares. "It's just a dream. It'll be over soon enough," I said.

"It's your dream… so nothing will happen that you won't enjoy," my double answered as he leaned down and kissed me.

Oh… so it was going to be _that_ kind of dream.

His mouth was lightly teasing mine, until I made the mistake of opening it. Then he really got to work. He played with my tongue, enticing it to join his in a play-fight or a dance that had us both breathing heavily. He left my mouth and quick as a snake, zoomed in on my nipples (Well, it made sense that he'd know how sensitive they were.)

He was sucking and biting (also knowing I've never minded a little pain mixed with my pleasure. After all, sex like anything else, is a contact sport.)

I'm actually sounding a lot calmer than I was. At the time I was arching into his touch, waiting with anticipation for his next move. The one semi-coherent thought in my head was: _Damn I'm good. I really should get out more._

Even in my dreams, I've never been on the bottom (and I pushed aside the thought of the one glaring exception to _that _rule.) But since this was me on top as well, I guess that made a difference. It was certainly taking the expression, 'go fuck yourself' to a whole new level.

He had moved down my body to take me in his mouth. And as he violated my personal space in a way I'd allowed no one to do before, it occurred to me how good his hand felt, how intense the sensations were. And how I wanted more than his hand. I looked up at him.

"It's _your_ dream," he repeated. "We can do whatever you want."

I was right. Having him inside of me, all the way, was a lot better than his hand. But even after we had both duly screamed our fool heads off, even after we had both released the expected amount of bodily fluids… I hoped he didn't think… even in a dream… that the matter was ending here. I hooked my legs around his, rolled him over, started to repeat his motions. Now I was the one attacking his nipples. Now I was the one watching him writhe and buck beneath me, my hand working him like a puppeteer.

I looked down, for the first time seeing surprise in his eyes – at my actions, at his growing arousal.

"We're not done here," I smirked. "As you keep reminding me – it's _my_ dream."


	2. Soul Rooms for Dummies

**Please read and review. Every time I start a story, I always wonder if people are reading it and what they think, and what I've left out. So please take the time to let me know.**

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**CHAPTER 2: SOUL ROOMS FOR DUMMIES**

**KAIBA'S POV**

I awoke… I actually awoke after sleeping the whole night through. I felt… good. 'What a weird dream that was,' I thought, shaking my head. I stretched, enjoying the slight, pleasurable soreness. I stiffened, suddenly suspicious of my unaccustomed feeling of contentment. If last night had only been a dream, why did I feel like I had just spent the whole night fucking my brains out… and having the favor returned?

I considered the matter as I showered and got dressed. I can't say I came to a logical conclusion about what had happened, because the conclusion I'd reached sure as hell wasn't logical. But that didn't mean it wasn't correct.

I looked at the Rod again. It was time to find out just who or what was in there. I picked it up and strode to the window… the one that overlooked the river.

"You'd better get your ass out here, before your home gets thrown in the water."

"If you wanted to see me, all you had to do was ask," the voice said.

I stared at the man in front of me. Anyone who'd ever dueled Yugi knew that there were two of them in there. But I'd never wanted to concede that the Millennium Items were real. Now however, I couldn't deny the evidence before my eyes. I recognized the shadowy figure by the window. It was me, all right. Well... me in drag and wearing a dorky hat.

"I don't believe this shit," I said through my teeth.

"Of course you do. You're not stupid. You just don't want to believe it. There's a difference," came the quick reply. He smirked at me. "And if you didn't want to get stuck with me, you should have put the Rod in the safe like Isis told you. She's a damn annoying woman, but she knows what she's talking about more often than you'd think."

That irritatingly smug grin turned to a laugh. "But no one was going to tell you what to do, were they?" he continued. "They were probably taking bets on how long you'd last, before you just had to show everyone that you knew better."

If I really was this insufferable, it was no wonder so many people had tried to kill me over the years. I looked at the arrogant, sneering face that matched my own, and did something it seemed like I'd been waiting to do for a long time. I swung as hard as I could.

My fist passed through empty air.

He gave a theatrical sigh. "I'm a spirit, remember?"

"You were real enough last night.

"Last night we were in our soul room."

"Our soul room? Since when did we have an '_our'_ anything?"

"Since you were reckless enough to claim the Rod. You could go there right now, if you weren't too stubborn to accept any of this. All you have to do is look inside yourself and see the room created by our memories. Anything that happens there will be real."

"Why are you telling me how to drag you to a place where I can beat the shit out of you?" I asked suspiciously.

"You can try. Because I've been stuck in a sensory-less limbo for 3,000 years. In less than 12 hours, I'm about to follow up a fuck with a fight. I figure life, much less this half life I'm stuck with, doesn't get any better than this."

Worked for me.

I concentrated as hard as I could on the man in front of me; then gritted my teeth and thought of… us, last night. I switched to the more pleasurable task of focusing on finding a place where I could kick his ass in comfort.

And then we were there. We were alone in a large room. The sandstone walls were carved with brightly painted hieroglyphics. The only incongruous note was a modern, Western-style four-poster bed. My bed to be exact.

He must have been serious about wanting a fight.

But it seemed that this battle wouldn't only be fought with our fists.

I glared at the walls, grunted in satisfaction as they shimmered and turned to glass. I wondered how he'd look smashing through them. I've always liked the sound of glass breaking.

He looked around, surprised. I took advantage of his momentary distraction to grab him by the front of his outfit, just under the armpits, the material bunching in my fists as I pulled him towards me. I fell backwards. If he thought this was going to be a repeat of last night, he was about to be disappointed. As I fell, my right foot found the spot where the top of his thigh met his torso. Using my leg as the fulcrum, and the force of my arms and backwards fall for momentum, I threw him as hard as I could. That stupid hat flew off, as he sailed over me, crashing straight through the floor to ceiling windows.

Unfortunately, it was modern safety glass, not the plate glass I had imagined. It immediately broke into thousands of small, square crystals that fell on top of him, barely leaving scratches. Pretty, but ineffective.

I certainly wouldn't have created anything so harmless.

"How did you do that?" I yelled. "You shouldn't even know what a window is!"

"I can access your surface memories. It's a bit like a computer retrieving a file from the 'Temp' folder."

He smirked at the look on my face as he aimed a kick at my head. I blocked him, moved in for a shot at his face, grunted as I got him square in the nose. He absorbed the blow, accepting it as a way of getting close enough to give me a jab to the ribs in return.

He wasn't bad.

He was close enough that I tried another throw. I grabbed his right arm, snaked my left around his collar and tried to sweep his legs out from under him. He twisted, and I couldn't get the throw off cleanly. But he was off balance, and I followed up by switching directions and throwing him over my shoulder. Another window gone.

"That's your story," I answered.

"Believe me, you'd know if I tried anything else. If I tried to force my way into your soul room, it would feel like your very essence was being violated."

"Sounds like you're speaking from experience."

"One of my duties as High Priest was sifting to the truth of men's hearts."

I left that for a moment, preferring to try to kick through his guard. But I made the mistake of trying the same move twice. The second time he blocked, and tried to sweep my legs out from other me. I tripped. I managed to keep from falling, but I was too off balance to launch a counter attack. That's when he punched me in the mouth. I could feel the lower lip tear a little; taste a trickle of blood.

But he had made a mistake getting that close to me. My right hand shot out, grabbed him by the throat, my thumb and fingers cutting off the supply of blood to his brain, my hand pressing hard against his windpipe. He peeled back my fingers, but not before I'd left marks all over that slightly more tanned neck. He gasped harshly for air, careful to back up out of reach.

"So now that you're here, what do you want?" I asked.

"Must I want something?"

"You forget, I've met the last occupant of this particular Millenium Item."

"He was an aberration, not an occupant. The Millenium Items are very powerful. They speak to the unspoken desires of the heart. Malik wanted a way out of his prison. He wanted revenge on the father who was killing him slowly – a desire we can both understand. In his hands, the Rod created a personality that answered his needs."

And that white haired kid… what was his name? Bakura?"

"He wanted to disappear, rather than face life abandoned by all he loved. The King of Thieves stole his life. For that poor soul, in the beginning it seemed like the answer to his prayers."

"Then what about Yugi and…"

"Yugi's wishers were wiser. He must be an extraordinary person… to be honored by being not just my pharaoh's host, but his partner."

My fist connected with the side of Seto's head, opening a cut just above the eye. It made a much sweeter sound than Seto babbling on about how special Yugi was, or how much his other self cared for him.

"For someone who was supposedly in limbo, you seem to be up-to-date on current events," I commented, watching with satisfaction as his eye swelled up.

"From the moment the first item was… reborn, I started to regain an awareness of the world. It was like being newly awakened from a deep sleep… and as with any awakening, it was hard to tell what belonged to the dream world and what was real. At first I was aware of fragments, scenes, images, with no context to put them into, no way to understand them. As more Items became activate, my consciousness, and my awareness of my surroundings became stronger. The Items call both to each other and to those connected with them, including the spirits fated to live inside of them. I can put it no clearer. Although I could see events, I could not act or influence them, to my sorrow."

Against my will, I felt some sympathy, at least enough to stop whaling on him for a minute. That must have been hideous. I remembered what it had been like inside that damn card of Pegasus'… able to see everything that was happening… unable to move… aware every moment of my own helplessness…

Being eaten alive by the monsters Yami had conjured up in our first Shadow Game had been preferable.

Suddenly my sympathy froze, if not my body. Without thought, my leg spun in a perfect crescent kick to his head. It dropped him to the floor. I would have followed it up with another strike, but I didn't want to touch him… I didn't want him touching me. The bastard had seen everything.

"You must let your defeats go, Kaiba, before you can truly fight the next battle," he said quietly, and the faint note of sympathy in his voice made me even angrier.

"I thought you said you couldn't read my mind, you bastard," I snarled.

"No mind reading skills were required to sense your remorse," he answered.

"Fuck you! Who says I regret anything?" I shot back.

"You can not lie to me, any more than you have ever been able to lie to yourself."

"And that's supposed to make me trust you? Because you're just like me? You've seen some of the shit I've pulled over the years."

**SETO'S POV**

I had, of course. Not that I needed to. I had engaged in enough dubious actions on my own account over the years, as well. My memories were fragmented and ended abruptly. But I remembered torturing people to get the life force we needed to power our monsters. They had been criminals, duly convicted and sentenced… but still, they had been human. Caught up in my need to protect the pharaoh and his kingdom, I had forgotten that – until I had been given 3,000 years to reflect. Kaiba's remorse was as familiar to me as my own.

I didn't want to be his adversary. For the first time, I wanted a partner. Possibly the Millenium Items do speak to the unspoken wishes of the heart, for I recognized the void in Kaiba's.

I was glad he had not resumed the attack. He had bragged that he could beat me, and it had not been an idle boast. He was a hair quicker, his choice of moves slightly better, their execution a shade more precise. I had been a soldier. Where had he honed his skills?

I had seen a little of the person he had been, and it was that knowledge that both shamed and angered him… but I had seen nothing of the events that had shaped him, that had made us not-quite-identical twins.

I knew where the answers were. There was a door that seemed surrounded by darkness. The shadowy mists that encircled it seemed to swirl with anger and pain… both attracting and repelling me. His soul room was beyond. I stared at the portal, unconsciously moving closer… until my head exploded with a searing pain.

He _was_ quick.

I had come too close to his soul room. He had been swift to recognize the matching door in my own heart, and characteristically, had chosen to attack rather than defend. It wasn't clear if he was trying to wrench the door to my soul room open, or if he simply wanted to cause as much damage as he could.

Nor did it matter.

How dare he try to violate the privacy of a High Priest's mind in this manner? He would pay for his intrusion.

Now the battle was truly joined.

But not easily won. He was a cunning foe. He mastered and copied all of my moves quickly, absorbing tremendous pain to gain the knowledge he needed to fight me on this new battlefield. But in this arena, I had the greater experience and greater skill, and that still counted for something. I would wear him down eventually. It would be a hard-fought battle… as all meaningful battles are. Like Kaiba, I was trying to inflict as much raw agony, cause as much battle damage as I could.

I felt as though knives were being plunged into every orifice, every opening in my soul. Places not meant for the light were now being targeted by lasers… searching and searing as they ripped through my being. And I was answering each devastating attack with one equally fierce, equally destructive. We were both sweating, breathing harshly… barely able to see or stand… our blind rage the only thing truly alive in either of us. It was, I suppose, insane – but we were in a place far beyond sanity.

"NISAMA!"

The word rippled through my consciousness, shocking me out of my mindless fury.

I had thought Kaiba was fighting as hard as he could… until I heard that terrorized cry… that one screamed word…

"NISAMA!"

I realized how wrong I was. Kaiba was literally tearing himself apart in his panic. Our minds were entangled, and he was ripping the threads apart in his blind need to respond to his brother's call. I couldn't let him destroy us both, but I wasn't sure I could stop him, either.

"Stop fighting! I won't attack! Just relax before you kill us both!" I screamed. But either my words couldn't penetrate his panic, or he had decided to ignore them. Finally, I managed to disengage…

**KAIBA'S POV**

I opened my eyes.

"Mokuba…" I managed to gasp. "Are you all right?"

"Am I all right?" he asked in disbelief. "What about you?"

"I'm fine," I said automatically. Deceiving Mokuba was second nature by now.

But Mokuba's eyes narrowed at my assurance. He was older now; less willing to accept my lies.

"You're lips are blue, you're bleeding, and you were having convulsions," he contradicted flatly. "What the hell was going on?"

How the fuck was I going to explain this? I shook my head to clear it and heard _his_ voice in my ear…

"_Let me help. You can barely stay conscious."_

"_True. But you have no idea of how good I am on staying on my feet, when I have to – and this situation definitely qualifies."_

"_Let me out. I promise to abide by your wishes."_

"_And you expect me to trust you?"_

"_Mokuba is waiting for you to respond. Let me explain what has happened."_

"_Did it ever occur to you that I don't want him to know?_

"_Can you really be that blind? He's standing there waiting to see if you trust him enough to tell him the truth."_

If there's one thing I hate worse than an arrogant blow-hard, it's an arrogant blow-hard who's right. But Mokuba deserved the truth from me.

"You remember the Millennium Rod that I got from Isis yesterday?" I said as casually as I could.

He paled. Mokuba remembered Battle City as well as I. "Was there someone in there? Was it Malik? Is he back?" he asked.

I grinned. "No. I met up with a much more challenging opponent. It seems Yugi was right… about there being another him… and about there being another me."

"I have only one Nisama," he said. "And that's you."

"And that will never change," I reassured him. "But I can't deny the evidence. There really is…" I shrugged, "…another Seto."

"Can I meet him?" he asked.

I hesitated.

"If he's really you, then he can't be dangerous. Not to me. I want to see him for myself."

**MOKUBA'S POV**

I was pleased to note that the bruises on his neck matched my brother's fingerprints. He also had one hell of a black eye. It looked like my brother had gotten the better of the fight.

"If you hurt Nisama again, I'll tell Yugi and he'll find a way to get rid of you."

"We were fighting, but I wasn't hurting him."

"The hell you weren't. I know what I saw," I yelled.

"Think back. When did the convulsions start?"

"You know when, you bastard. I came in and saw him on the floor. I called his name and…" my voice trailed off as I realized what had sparked the panic I had sensed in my brother.

"If you two were in the Shadow Realm, or soul room like Yugi's, or wherever the hell you were – how could he hear me?" I asked.

"You will never be so far apart that he will fail to respond to your cries," he said simply.

That got me to really look at him, instead of just standing there glaring at him without really seeing him. It was hard, even for me to pick out the slight differences in his coloring. Nobody else would notice a thing. He was just as tall as Nisama, just as commanding. He was probably just as fierce. He was wearing my brother's clothes. But something was missing. The anger that had been a part of my brother ever since I could remember, was gone.

He was... quiet, as if he had spent the last 3,000 years doing a lot of thinking.

"So now you're going to try to convince me you're just like my brother?" I asked, skeptically.

"Are Seto Kaiba and I the same person? I suppose it depends on whether you think that the soul is not only something unique, but something immutable, unchangeable. Then Seto Kaiba and I, despite the span of years that separate us, are indeed one person. Or do you believe that we are unalterably changed by the people we meet, the experiences we undergo, as we undertake life's journey? Then Seto Kaiba and I – for all that we share a soul – are two separate people."

He shut his eyes. He swayed a little on his feet. Then he snapped to attention, leaning slightly back, his arms folded across his chest. When he opened his eyes, they blazed into mine. They air crackled with his barely suppressed rage and frustration. There was no doubt about it... my brother was back.

"That just proves we're different," Nisama snorted. "I couldn't come up with that load of bullshit to save my life – not in 3,000 years."

"We have to get rid of him. Why don't you just throw the Rod in the river? Or melt it down? I bet that would work," I urged Nisama. Yami no Yugi was okay, but considering Bakura's other self, not to mention that nut-job Malik, I figured we were still batting only one for three, here. And the more I thought about the Rod's previous occupant, the more convinced I was that just in case this look-alike wasn't really some version of my brother, the sooner we got rid of him the better. Of course, convincing Nisama was another story.

"Destroying the Rod would kill him," Nisama said.

"That's the idea," I argued.

"I've done enough killing in my lifetime, and I'm not going to add to the body count."

I could have pointed out that those deaths were Gozaburo's responsibility, not his, but that was an old argument, and not one I was going to win.

"Nisama," I said, knowing he wasn't going to change his mind.

"I can't," he said heavily. "I'm the one who brought him out of hibernation or wherever the hell he was. I don't like it either, but that makes him my responsibility, and I can't walk away from that. I've never shrugged off an obligation yet, and I'm not going to start now. It would be too much like breaking…"

"Please, Nisama," I begged. "Don't say it would be too much like breaking a promise."

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_**Thanks to Clarity for betaing these chapters.**_

_**There's always a moment when you have to decide whether to post a story or kill it, so thanks to Kagemihari for encouraging me to post. I tried to get this started for your birthday but blew it by a couple of weeks. So happy belated birthday.**_

_**Thanks to AmunRa for listening to me ramble somewhat obsessively about all things Kaiba.**_

**AUTHOR'S NOTES:** It's always a little odd starting a new story. I decided to post this one now, rather than wait for my other story, 'It's Déjà vu all over again,' to finish, because they are two very different stories. (Although I realize that it's a little presumptuous to assume that people have read any other story, but after all, they are both on my mind, if no one else's.) This one is more narrowly focused – Anzu doesn't appear, and the rest of the gang are barely mentioned. It's also more pairings driven, and will be a lot shorter. Anyway, I didn't want it to seem like a follow-up; I wanted each story to stand (or fall) on its own.

**High Priest Seto:** I know he's often shown as being even more extreme, power hungry and driven than Seto Kaiba. I blame the dub. Of course I blame the dub for most things. But in the manga, he's actually very thoughtful. Although his sort of natural arrogance and need to prove himself gets him in trouble – he's much more used to functioning as part of a team. And there's one scene I love, where Akunadin tells him to betray the pharaoh, when he starts thinking about how Akunadin (who Seto doesn't realize is his father) was the one to guide his footsteps and teach him right from wrong – and how this is the person now asking him to violate his beliefs. The fierceness, and steadfastness were recognizably Seto, but this version also seemed a bit more contemplative – which would fit in with his being a High Priest if you think about it.

**Review Note:** As per new policy, I will reply directly to all signed reviews. I will post responses to unsigned reviews on my LJ account. The link is on my biopage. Anyone who wants to see a summary of all my responses can also check it out. Responses to the previous chapters will be posted before a new chapter is updated. As per the new policy I can no longer post responses at the end of each chapter.


	3. It's time to M M Meddle!

**Please read and review. Every time I start a story, I always wonder if people are reading it and what they think, and what I've left out. So please take the time to let me know.**

**Name Reminder:** **_Seto_** is used to refer to the High Priest version. **_Kaiba_** refers to Seto Kaiba.

* * *

**CHAPTER 3: IT'S TIME TO M- M- MEDDLE!**

**SETO'S POV**

After 3,000 years I was walking this earth again... for the first time.

Kaiba had surprised me by recognizing that I could not stay cooped up in his mind all day without going mad. We had worked out an agreement. I had four hours of freedom a day, on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays, from 12:30 until 4:30 PM, and two hours on Fridays from 11:00 AM until 1:00 PM, unless Kaiba had an important project to complete or a business meeting. (He needed to be in the office all day on Monday.) He had picked the hours least likely to affect his time with Mokuba, who had school and after-school commitments of his own. Kaiba had proposed the arrangement with a businesslike detachment that made an expression of gratitude impossible – possibly as he had planned.

Kaiba would allow me to use his surface memories and knowledge, without hindrance. (As Kaiba pointed out, since everyone thought I was him, it was to his benefit not to have me wandering around Domino like a total idiot.)

In return, I was to stay out of his way as much as possible, and to refrain from trying to dig any deeper through his mind. I had no right to do so, and curiosity aside, I wasn't sure that I wanted to know what was going on below the surface of his thoughts anyway. I had enough dark places in my own soul without the added burden of learning his.

Now I was walking down streets that were familiar, even as each block was newly revealed to my gaze. It was the difference between knowledge and experience. I had one but not the other.

I was going to school.

Kaiba thought my destination was ridiculous, and I admit, it seemed an odd concept to me, as well. By Kaiba's age, I had been my pharaoh's high priest. No one questioned my authority as a high priest – much less as an adult. No one felt I was a child needing to be tutored or confined with others of my age. In this, Kaiba's experiences matched my own.

But I was curious. I wanted to know what it felt like to be surrounded only by others of my own age. I wanted to see what they were learning that Kaiba felt he already knew.

And I knew my pharaoh was here too, in a fashion. He was carried in his Puzzle, just as I was housed in the Millennium Rod I carried in my briefcase.

I could sense Kaiba's feelings for my prince of course. He would have preferred I remained unaware of them, but however much he refused to acknowledge them, they floated too near the surface of his thoughts.

The pharaoh, if he had lived, would eventually have married and sired children to continue the divine rule of the Gods. But that would have been a matter of duty, not love – or even, from what I had observed, inclination.

My pharaoh was divine, the embodiment of Ra, the Sun God, lord of the heavens. As such, he was made to be worshiped, not loved. But Kaiba was ignorant of our religion. Possibly he felt the same connection I did, and this was its secular expression; possibly he had twisted the honor that was the pharaoh's due, into love.

And yet, despite the blasphemy, the unbridled arrogance in presuming, even in his private daydreams, that the pharaoh could hold such feelings for him in return, I was pleased with this later day version of myself. It took courage to love a God.

It was recess when I reached the school building. There was a crowd of students milling about outside the building. Perfect. I recognized my pharaoh from the back of his head. Then he turned and I looked into impossibly large violet eyes. It was the other one… the host that Kaiba routinely ignored.

He was not my ruler. He was not a God. He was divine as mortals use the word; an earthly angel. Better still, he was real… and approachable.

He saw me, caught by surprise and grinning at him like a monkey. His eyes widened still further – in shock at my uncharacteristic expression. That made me want to laugh aloud. I had attracted his attention and ruined my alter ego's reputation all at once. A shy grin bloomed, and he raised a hand in greeting. Then he blinked and I found myself looking into the fierce crimson eyes of my pharaoh. He left his host's companions and began walking towards me.

I did what came naturally. I bowed.

**YAMI'S POV**

"What are you doing here?" I demanded of Seto, having no doubt who had just bowed to me.

"Do you mean '_here'_ in a school-yard or '_here'_ in this time, or '_here'_ in Seto Kaiba's body?"

At my growl, Seto added, "You can't really be surprised by my presence. You knew neither of us would be able to resist a challenge for long."

"What did you do to Kaiba?" I demanded.

"Nothing he can't handle," came the irritatingly smug reply, matched by an all-too-familiar smirk.

"If you've hurt him…"

"After 3,000 years, do you remember so little about me that you think I would actually harm him? Do you know him so little that you think he would ever surrender to force, or that I could topple him so easily? And the most curious question of all, why are you so interested in his well-being?"

I shook my head dismissively. "Don't try to change the subject. Look at your face. He is your host. You owe everything – even your slim grasp on existence – to him. Yet you were obviously trying to injure Kaiba."

"It was mutual, believe me."

I sighed. "At least tell me how you two managed to get into a fight so quickly."

"You know how," Seto retorted. "It's easy for you to talk about gratitude and hosts and all that shit. You wound up with that angel. I ended up with… well… with me. And you know what an obnoxious, arrogant bastard I can be."

**YUGI'S POV**

I was glad when the bell rang, sending us in different directions: me to class, and Seto to the office. I was just as curious as Yami though, as to what on earth this new (or I guess old) Seto was doing here – much less why he was referring to me as an angel. I wouldn't mind actually getting to talk to him next time, once Yami had cooled down. And maybe that wasn't a bad idea. This Seto seemed just as good as the more familiar one at pissing Yami off.

I could feel Yami seething; could almost hear his footsteps as he paced the confines of his soul room. He was trying to contain himself, trying not to intrude on me – but for once, Yami was fighting a losing battle.

I was glad no one could see or hear him but me. The tricky part was trying to look attentive (since I was in class by now) while I could sense Yami coming closer to exploding with every passing second. Luckily I wasn't taking a test, and the teachers rarely noticed me, anyway. As long as I stared at the book, I'd be fine.

'He is insufferable!' Yami finally yelled.

"Which one?" I answered.

"Both, I guess," he said, and I felt him relax just a little. "What is he doing here?" he added.

"Well, we both knew that there was no way that Kaiba-kun was going to last the whole night without challenging the Rod."

"If he's hurt Kaiba…" Yami snarled.

"Seto said that Kaiba had let him out voluntarily," I said doubtfully. It was hard imagining Kaiba giving up control of anything, much less his body, even to another version of himself, but I couldn't imagine Seto taking over without Kaiba's permission, or being able to hold onto their body without even more of a fight than they'd obviously had.

"Do you think Seto was lying?" I settled for asking. "Do you really think he would hurt Kaiba or kill him or something? I mean Seto didn't seem like that. If anything he seemed..." I tried to find a politer way to say 'less homicidal,' and finally settled for saying, "_less extreme_ than Kaiba himself."

"You may be right, aibou," Yami said, and I felt him start to relax a little more. "But I have so few memories, it's impossible to be certain. I remember Seto being loyal, resourceful, determined... and yes, less extreme that Kaiba."

"Do you remember anything else about him? I mean, wasn't he your High Priest? Wouldn't that make him like your..."

"My subject? My servant? Yes. Seto was both... in his own fashion and on his own terms. He was my High Priest and the leader of my guard. He actually managed to tame his willful nature enough to be part of my council. But Seto was not made to be anyone's dutiful servant, even a pharaoh's. He would obey my commands – when he could not evade them – but he always made it clear that obedience was his gift to bestow. And he rarely did things simply because I wished it. Like today – Seto knew I wished to hear of Kaiba's welfare. But he was too contrary to give me the information I desired."

"He's stubborn and annoying. That's certainly nothing new. But you're not describing the kind of person that would be a danger to Kaiba," I pointed out.

"Once I would have agreed, unreservedly. Despite his infuriating manner, which Kaiba has inherited in full measure, I trusted Seto completely, with a faith that was well merited. That much I do remember. But Seto has been locked away for so long. Don't you remember what I was like when I first emerged? I judged, I punished so harshly. And although I was your protector, I neither listened to nor respected you as I should have. What if Seto feels the same towards Kaiba? And both of them are so hard on themselves."

"Do you want to see Kaiba later... just to make sure he's all right?" I asked.

"Thank you. That is generous. But I cannot accept. It would be wrong of me to put my desires ahead of your own. I have no right to concern you with my selfish worries."

"Why not? We're friends, Yami. That means your problems are mine – and I want to help. Go check up on Kaiba, tonight. It's okay."

"I have no claim on your time."

"Don't worry about it," I said awkwardly. A thought had just occurred to me – if Seto was telling the truth, then Kaiba had both recognized Seto's desire to explore his new world, and ensured that he had a few precious hours of privacy when he could be, simply himself – a gift that it had never occurred to me to offer Yami.

Yami looked at me doubtfully, still hesitant.

"I insist," I said.

Yami nodded. "Thank you. This means more than I can say."

"So it's settled. And if that doesn't work, I'll try talking to one of them – or both. Be careful. You and Kaiba always get into a fight when you try to reason with him," I reminded Yami.

It was true. Kaiba got Yami riled up like nobody else. When he looked at Kaiba, Yami's thoughts were such an uneasy amalgam of anger and worry and frustration and trust and desire and… I thought, love… that it was no wonder he could barely contain them, much less recognize each separate strand for what it was. I had seen Kaiba look at Yami; had noticed how possessive he was… and I was willing to bet that the same volatile mixture existed in Kaiba – in his case though, only the anger escaped.

I wondered how long it would take Yami to figure it out. For once I didn't try to help.

All the things that excited Yami about Kaiba… the recklessness… the danger… the destructiveness… the incipient insanity… seemed to me to be good reasons to head in the other direction.

And I was a little hurt that our bond wasn't enough for Yami. That I wasn't enough for him… even though I was starting to realize that he wasn't enough for me, either… that as powerful as our link was, it wasn't everything. I was starting to feel that there must be something else… something more out there.

But I wasn't surprised when Yami refused to let me talk to Kaiba for him. As close as Yami and I were, he was very jealous of Kaiba's… safety.

**YAMI'S POV**

I felt vaguely uncomfortable as I walked up the mansion's drive. Yugi had left me to my own thoughts. It was the first time I had possessed the body Yugi and I shared to follow my own desires… unless you counted those few brief moments after our duels with Kaiba, when I had lingered to talk with the tall duelist, until Yugi's friends had claimed my aibou's attention, and I had retreated to the background once more.

A servant answered the door. I could see Mokuba in the hallway behind him. I suppose whatever security system Kaiba had installed had alerted Mokuba to my presence.

"How are you?" I asked, unsure of how much he knew.

"Considering my brother has some freak living inside his head? Okay, I guess," he answered, sarcastically. He seemed to suddenly realize which one of us he was talking to, because he added gruffly, "Sorry. I mean, I wasn't calling you a freak."

"Is Kaiba okay?" I asked.

Mokuba shrugged. "He says he is. He says he can handle everything."

I nodded. It was what Kaiba _would_ say. Whether it was true or not remained to be seen.

"I'm glad you're here," Mokuba said, as he led me down the long hallway. "You were his king or something, weren't you? Maybe he'd leave if you ordered him to."

I looked at Mokuba, worried. Had Seto indeed taken over Kaiba's body? Was Kaiba in more danger than we'd realized? I had thought Seto more honorable than that, but 3,000 years in a Millennium Item changes a person. I remembered what I had been like and shuddered.

"Has Seto threatened you or your brother?" I asked Mokuba.

I could see Mokuba weighing his answer, trying to decide what would be the most advantageous, if not necessarily the most honest reply.

"No," he said finally, "Nothing like that. I just want him gone."

I breathed a sigh of relief. "Have you talked to your brother?" I asked.

"All he'll say is that he's the one who brought Seto here, and that makes him an obligation."

I knew as well as Mokuba – for Kaiba, that settled the matter.

"But I want Nisama to have more in his life than just his obligations. Do you remember what you told him at Alcatraz? That he was beaten by his own anger and hatred? You really got through to him that day. He's been different. And he's been trying so hard… to make Kaiba Land a reality… to reclaim our dreams. It's not fair!" Mokuba burst out. "I mean he was just starting to get his shit together, and now this happens... Fuck Isis. Why'd she have to give Nisama the damn thing, anyway?"

"Because it belongs to him."

"No, it belonged to someone who died 3,000 years ago. Isn't it about time that Nisama got to live his own life for a change? And this isn't the one I wanted for him."

I nodded. I didn't say so, but I shared Mokuba's frustration. Kaiba had indeed come a long way since I had first seen him; since Death-T. Although I had never told Kaiba – his nature and mine precluded that – I had watched his struggle; I had admired his progress. One could argue that in challenging the Rod, Kaiba had brought this latest complication on himself, but after all his efforts to build a new life for himself, it seemed a shame that once again he had been saddled with a new burden.

"Can I see your brother? I'd like to know how he's doing."

Mokuba nodded and ushered me into the living room. Kaiba was stretched out on the couch, either asleep or unconscious.

"Oh shit, not again! I swear I can't leave those two alone for two minutes without them getting into a fight. I don't know why Seto bothers. Nisama always wins," Mokuba added with satisfaction.

"If the situation were reversed, would the threat of losing deter your brother?"

"They're not identical," Mokuba said sharply.

"No, but the foundation remains the same."

Mokuba looked at his brother. "I'm not sure what to do," he confessed. "The first time I saw Nisama like this, I panicked and screamed his name. He thought I was in danger and freaked out."

"If Kaiba could hear you, maybe Seto will respond to me." I walked over to Kaiba's unconscious form.

"Seto," I commanded my High Priest, "Stop fighting."

I had to agree with Mokuba... there was no doubt which Seto I was facing as I stared into Kaiba's stormy blue eyes.

He had a bruised lip and a graze on one cheek. But given what I had seen of Seto earlier, Kaiba had indeed gotten the best of their fight.

"How are you doing?" I asked.

"None of your damn business."

"Kaiba..." I growled impatiently.

"Fuck off. This isn't your concern."

"If you're in trouble..."

"You'll come to the rescue? Forget it. I don't want your help. Didn't you say we were equals – or was that a lie like everything else? I got into this on my own, and I'll handle it the same way."

At least he seemed unharmed. I sighed. How could I have forgotten how prickly Kaiba's pride was, or the way he could twist any show of concern into an attack on his capabilities? I had approached this all wrong. Possibly I was speaking to the wrong Seto.

"Can I talk to Seto?" I asked. Maybe he would prove more reasonable (after all he could hardly be less so.) And I wanted to make sure that Seto understood that Kaiba, for all his strength, required careful handling; that the differences in their lives had left Kaiba, not only the more determined, but the more fragile. I wanted Seto to know I would be watching how he treated the boy who now housed his spirit.

"What?" Kaiba thundered. I winced at the sound. "This is the first time I've seen you outside of a duel... and you mean to tell me you came all this way to look up your old _friend?_" The word dripped with scorn. "And now you expect me to step aside so you can have a chat with the bastard?"

"Kaiba..." I said, stunned by how badly, how willfully, he had misread things.

"Fuck off, Yami. You want to talk to Seto, wait until tomorrow, and see if Yugi lets you off the leash again. Seto's hours are from 12:30 until 4:30 PM. Make an appointment." He smirked as he strode from the room, the slam of the door punctuating his statement.

"Gee, that went well," Mokuba observed as he followed his brother, leaving me to find my own way out of the mansion.

* * *

_**Thanks to Clarity for editing this chapter.**_

**AUTHOR'S NOTES: **One thing that's always struck me in Yami and Kaiba's duels is the way Yami will be so focused on Kaiba – even after the duel ends – until one of the Yugi-taachi calls Yugi's name – then you'll see Yami look startled for a moment, as if he's forgotten them, until Yami and Yugi switch back an instant later. I've always found that moment a little sad. There's the sense that except for when he's talking to Yugi, or late at night when you see his shadowy image sitting on their bed, those moments after their duels are one of the few times he has to simply be himself.

But I also think that Yami is always very conscious of the fact that it's Yugi's body and Yugi's life, so I think while he has no problem taking the lead when there's a duel, or if Yugi's in danger, he would be reluctant to do so if he was taking care of his own concerns, not Yugi's – and he might even feel that he didn't have the right to have his own private concerns.


	4. More Dysfunctional Bonding

**Please read and review. Every time I start a story, I always wonder if people are reading it and what they think, and what I've left out. So please take the time to let me know.**

**Name Reminder:** **_Seto_** is used to refer to the High Priest version. **_Kaiba_** refers to Seto Kaiba.

* * *

**CHAPTER 4: MORE DYSFUNCTIONAL BONDING**

**KAIBA'S POV**

I seethed at home until it was time to go to work where I could fume in the privacy of my office… the illogic of my own reactions making me madder and madder with each wasted minute, until I couldn't decide the totally irrelevant question of who I was angrier at – Yami or myself.

After all, it was hardly my business if Yami wanted to catch up on old times with his High Priest. It wasn't like we had ever been anything but rivals and occasional, reluctant allies. I'd made that clear enough, only to discover upon being faced with the incontrovertible proof that Yami had taken me at my word, that I wasn't sure I had wanted to drive the point home quite so thoroughly.

It made sense in a way that after 3,000 years he'd want to see his old… I guess they were friends although Seto hadn't said. For the first time, I felt a faint curiosity about not only Yami, but Seto as well. I wondered what his life had been like. As much as I hated to admit it, I felt a connection to him.

The sex helped of course.

If you could call it sex. Technically speaking, it wasn't really a relationship. I'd discovered a new way to masturbate, or at the very least, found an advanced form of wet dream. That was fine by me. After all, it was a subject I knew like the palm of my hand, and I've always been quite the creative genius. Besides, it wasn't like I was a virgin.

Gozaburo had seen to that. Oh, not personally, of course… but Gozaburo considered learning to conduct a business meeting in a whorehouse to be a necessary part of my education. (A strategy I've never seen the need to employ since his death.)

The girls and I would have preferred to grab a nap, or at least have an uninterrupted hour of peace and quiet, but if there was one thing everyone in the room had learned, it was how to perform regardless of personal inclination.

Gozaburo had no idea that this task was just as onerous as any of my other assignments. I'm sure he assumed that I was into girls, figuratively as well as literally. And given the nature and history of our relationship, a father-to-son chat on my preferences was _not_ on the agenda.

I'd had the requisite number of meaningless encounters since Gozaburo's death had freed me to follow my own predilections, but this was the closest I'd come, or wanted to come, to a relationship. For one thing, despite my reputation as an anti-social loner, this was the closest I'd ever come to enjoying my own company.

For brief periods, anyway. It didn't hurt that Seto was underfoot a lot less than I'd expected. Clearly, he could hold on to this 'half-life' as he called it only for brief periods of time.

The four-hour stint outside usually tired him out, and he'd disappear again until late night/early morning. He'd hang out a bit, say his prayers, and then disappear until mid-morning, when it was time for him to go to school. That was my signal to head to my soul room (a concept that still felt alien) and get some sleep myself. The last thing I wanted to do was be conscious while stuck in the same room as Yugi and his friends, listening to some teacher drone on about shit I either already knew or didn't see a need to learn.

I was oddly relieved to realize how little time Seto was actually awake, and not only because there was only so much I could take of having him in my head. Actually, I was relieved almost as much on his account as on mine... and on Yami's as well. I'd always imagined that Yami's time in that damn little puzzle must have felt like mine trapped in Pegasus's card on Duelist's Kingdom. I had been aware every moment of my own helplessness. I had been unable to move or talk; had felt the walls of the card closing in on me, keeping me caged. I was glad Seto and Yami's experience seemed to be a more peaceful one. Like me, (or Seto) Yami was a true duelist; a warrior. He deserved better.

But at the thought of Yami, my anger returned. If he wanted to pick up wherever he had left off with his High Priest, he could do it on his time, not mine.

"You are doubly a fool." I heard Seto's voice in my head.

Had I said that Seto basically left me alone? Guess I was wrong.

"I see someone's awake," I replied.

Actually, I was glad. I felt like fighting someone or something, and it was convenient that Seto was around to oblige. I pressed the intercom, told the secretary to hold all my calls, and locked the door. I headed to our soul room.

"Pretty big talk for a guy who's home is in a stick. I suppose you wanted me to step aside so you could bow down before your precious little pharaoh," I said as nastily as I could.

"I am content with the way things worked out. If I had appeared, he probably would have ordered me to stop fighting. And neither of us would have wished for that."

"And you would have obeyed, like the good little lap dog you are," I sneered.

"I would have had no choice. He is my pharaoh. I swore an oath of obedience to him, binding beyond the grave. Moreover, he is divine, and I am his High Priest."

"He's a fucking amnesiac who lives in a piece of jewelry. If that's your idea of a god, it's no wonder your religion died out."

His hands clenched, but he held them at his side. "I suspect that you have your own reasons for refusing to think of him as your deity. Perhaps that comes uncomfortably close to the truth."

"What are you babbling about? Whatever it is, I don't have the time for it. I suggest you go to school, and see if the midget lets your god out of his cage."

"You will not speak of him in such a disrespectful manner."

"Your precious pharaoh? I'm just getting warmed up."

"No. The other one. His host."

"That useless nonentity?"

His lips tightened even further; his glare turned glacial. Unexpectedly I had drawn blood. He was even worse than I was at hiding his anger. As a high priest he'd probably never been required to learn the skill.

"You owe so much to Yugi – even your brothers life! You have lost the right to insult him," he yelled.

I was enjoying this. I smirked and watched his face darken further. It wasn't the attack I found interesting, but the defense. Seto was right. I owed Yugi everything and I knew it. But that didn't matter. Right now, I had the coppery scent of Seto's blood in my nostrils; and that was all that counted.

"Owe that undersized asshole anything? All he does is take up space. The only reason I don't insult the pathetic little gnat more, is that I never waste my time and thought on a loser like him."

Sometimes I have only to smile for someone to try to wipe the smirk off my face.

Seto obliged.

I blocked his punch and twisted his arm behind him. I whispered in his ear, "Have we forgotten our promise not to leave marks where they can show?"

That got him to slam his free arm backwards like a baton or a nightstick. He didn't quite hit my balls, but as I jerked backwards to avoid his arm, I loosened my grip enough for him to tear free. I nodded in approval. Unlike his opening swing for my jaw. if this strike had landed, the mark wouldn't have shown (however much it might have hurt.)

We traded kicks for a while, since neither of us wanted to get too close to the other. The fight, instead of making us angrier, was having a calming effect. It felt so good to just to let go, to release some of the heat and tension that had been building inside, ever since Yami's appearance at the mansion.

"I do owe the runt. I've never denied it," I told Seto. He nodded, appeased by my words… then grunted as I kicked him in the ribs.

"The pharaoh is a god. You have more of a hold on his regard than a mortal should. Be satisfied with his respect," Seto said, as if he owed me something in return.

I frowned. This was as close as I wanted to come to talking about… anything, but I couldn't seem to let the matter drop, either.

The fighting helped.

"Regard? Respect? You must have missed all the times Yami and I've tried to kill each other," I told him.

The edge of Seto's foot caught me squarely in the stomach. I doubled over, coughing. Seto waited until I had straightened up, before saying, "And yet neither of you ever succeeded. Fairly ineffective behavior for two such determined men."

I guess Seto and I'd made up after a fashion, but that didn't mean we were ready to stop fighting. We were circling each other now. Wrestling is one of the world's oldest sports, and he was almost as proficient as I. I smiled again, slowly. Even though there was no real animosity between us now, my taunting grin got him mad enough to charge. It was what I had been waiting for. My left hand grabbed his right arm. My right punched trough the space under his right armpit, then snaked around to grab his shoulder from the back. I spun and threw him over my own shoulder, but he grabbed me on the way down, and we tumbled to the floor in a heap. I was on top.

The bastard gave me back my own hateful smirk. "You think you can take me? How hard are you willing to try?"

He reached up… not to push me away, but to pull me in even closer. My lips and teeth sank into his flesh – right where his neck met his shoulders. As promised, I wouldn't leave marks that would show. He moaned, his hands reaching up to strip my clothes, to tease my nipples to hardness, before he leaned forward and bit them, leaving teeth marks of his own. I grabbed his hair and yanked his head up to mine. We were both bruised and slightly bloody by the time our lips met. One of his hands slipped down to my buckle.

I wasn't surprised. Fighting was sometimes foreplay with us. We both wanted action, and neither was fussy about what form it took.

**YUGI'S POV**

After the previous night, I shouldn't have been surprised to see Seto precisely at 12:30 PM the next day – but I was.

"You're coming to school regularly?" I asked. The slight smile and the quiet hello was enough to tell me that this was Seto and not Kaiba.

"I wanted to learn more of your world. This seemed the most efficient way. I'll be here at 12:30, Tuesdays through Thursdays, and on Fridays from 11:00 AM until 1:00 PM. I think the school was too pleased to have even the appearance of compliance to question the shortness of the hours."

"Is this the only time you're here… like this?"

"Except for morning prayers, yes."

"Kaiba gives you his body so you can say morning prayers?" I asked, trying to wrap my mind around this concept.

"He does not interfere with my imperatives, nor I with his."

I looked at the faint bruise around one eye.

"How many shiners did it take to resolve that one?"

To my surprise, he blushed slightly.

"We have agreed not to leave marks anywhere they can be observed. Kaiba explained that they could lower his standing in the world in which he must operate." Seto looked at me and frowned. "It is the pharaoh's duty to greet the new sun each morning as well."

I wished I had kept my mouth shut. "Yami doesn't really remember anything about his past," I explained, knowing how lame that sounded. And I could hardly add that I'd never thought of Yami being a pharaoh – I mean, like it was a job or something, before. Luckily, before the silence grew even more awkward, Jounouchi came running up.

"Hey Kaiba, that's some eye you got there. I'd like to shake the hand of the guy that messed you up."

"He was a worthy opponent," Seto remarked, blandly.

"You're smiling again. What's up – take your happy pills this week? What are you doing here anyway… looking for more cards to steal?"

"I'm returning to school. It is a public relations move," Seto said smoothly, as if the words weren't unfamiliar, as if he wasn't making this up as he went along. I could see Seto searching his, or rather Kaiba's memories. "As a responsible corporate citizen, I am emphasizing the importance of an education by earning a High School Diploma – if in a somewhat sporadic fashion."

"You mean to say you get to waltz in and out of here whenever you please – and at the end of the year, you get the same diploma the rest of us sweated it out for?"

"Congratulations, Mutt," Seto smirked, "You have restated my explanation with reasonable accuracy."

Jounouchi literally growled. Luckily Honda called him away.

"Why did you call him that?" I asked.

"Isn't that his name? When I searched Kaiba's memory for a name to go with his face, that was all I came up with," Seto said with suspicious innocence.

I looked at him. Although he was certainly pleasanter than Kaiba, he was just as unreadable. If Seto was aware that he had just insulted Jounouchi, it certainly didn't concern him. I shook my head. Jounouchi was my friend, but I found this version of Seto definitely… interesting.

**MOKUBA'S POV**

I don't know why I waited each day for him to come home promptly at 4:15 PM, exactly 15 minutes ahead of schedule. I mean, it wasn't like I wanted to see him. But I guess I couldn't help being curious about this guy who looked just like my brother – and not just because he was in his body. He had all of Nisama's gestures too –even the unconscious ones... the way he'd toss his head to shake the hair out of his eyes, only to have it flop right back... the way he drummed his fingers on the desk or table when he was thinking, the way he walked with his hands clenched tightly at his side. Were those my brother's gestures coming through, or were they one more thing they shared?

Seto came in like clockwork at his slightly-too-early time and went straight back to the kitchen, where the cook had left food for him. I followed.

The bruises (at least the ones I could see) were fading.

"How come you and Nisama get marked up in different places?" I asked.

He frowned, obviously considering how best to explain. "Our forms are linked in some way. When I appear, I am using Kaiba's body to channel my own essence, across the span of years. It affects how I appear. I'm not sure how or why it works. The Millennium Items have secrets of their own. Surely you've noticed that the pharaoh and his host look different? And with Kaiba and myself the physical differences are even slighter."

I didn't really get it, but I could kind of see what he meant. I'd noticed the differences between Yugi and Yami before, (who hadn't?) but I'd never really thought about it – except to note which one (usually Yami) was squaring off against my brother.

"Why do you do that every day?" I asked, watching him eat, "I mean you eat at recess…"

He looked up from his plate. "In case you haven't noticed, your brother doesn't eat. And he needs to. This body burns food at an incredibly quick rate. When I was summoning monsters from stone I had to eat constantly just to stay on my feet. You brother must feel it too, but he ignores his body's needs. In some ways he is a very lax caretaker."

It was the first time he'd dared to say anything even mildly critical of Nisama in front of me. If this represented some new stage in our relationship, I didn't like it.

"He takes good enough care of it to kick your ass regularly," I sneered.

"Yes. He knows everything about this body as a weapon, and nothing about it as a vessel. I don't understand why this is so, but you know as well as I, that it is a fact."

I stared at him. "What do you mean you don't know why – you live in his head."

That got him angry. "And I promised not to pry into the areas of his soul he considered private. Do you think my given word is worthless, or that I would break faith so easily?"

"No, I guess if there's one thing you'd have in common, it'd be a hang-up about promises."

"Oaths are sacred. Is that not as true for this world as for mine?"

I wasn't even going to try to answer that one. I went back to the thing that had gotten me curious about him in the first place.

"I don't get it. You only got four hours. Why do you waste the last fifteen minutes of them eating, when you just have to return the body anyway?"

"Because your brother will feel better if his body is properly nourished. I'm glad I picked an activity to pass my time in which he has no interest. This way he gets some sleep too," he said with satisfaction.

"That's not real sleep," I contradicted.

"The true purpose of sleep is to rest the mind, not the body," he answered. "It is why your brother has been less tired, lately."

"And I suppose that makes everything okay?"

"Things are not 'okay.' Nor are they the reverse. They just are, and we must adjust as best we can."

(Did he have to sound like my brother too?)

"Unless there's a duel going down, or he's protecting Yugi or something – you never see Yami just wandering around loose," I said. "What makes you so special?"

"Kaiba and I are not Yami and Yugi. Our solutions therefore will be different. But I understand my obligations and will fulfill them," he said, with a hint of my brother's steel in his voice. "And properly maintaining Kaiba's physical form, since he will not do so himself, is one of them."

I would have been happier if I could have convinced myself he was bullshitting me… because as pleased as I was to see my brother (or at least my brother's body) eating, I really didn't like the idea that Seto was taking better care of Nisama, than my brother had ever taken of himself.

* * *

**_Thanks to Clarity for editing this chapter…_**

**AUTHOR'S NOTES:** Sorry for the delay. Managing two stories turned out to be a little more difficult than expected.

One thing everyone's always noticed is that Yami and Yugi look slightly different. In addition to the slight change in hair, and the more noticeable one in eye color, in the manga when Yugi gets beaten up and switches to Yami, Yami's fine. So I decided to use as a working theory that what happened when one of them had control of the body (or by extension in their soul room) would not be physically visible when control switched.

**Mokuba Note:** It's funny, from the reader's perspective, Seto's this interesting (I hope) character, and his presence is easy to accept. Kaiba even accepts him after a fashion at least partly because it gives him a handy sparring/sex partner (as you can see, they have a little trouble telling the difference.) But one of the fun things writing with a switching first person point-of-view is that you get to see the story from different characters' perspectives. And from Mokuba's, I think he would see Seto, not as another form of his beloved Nisama, but as an unwanted intrusion into his life.

**Jounouchi Note:** I know Jounouchi's Yugi's best friend -- but this is AU, remember... so in this story the friendship isn't getting emphasized as much. I wanted to keep things focused pretty narrowly on the five main characters.


	5. Where would a Yugioh story be without ni

**Please read and review. Every time I start a story, I always wonder if people are reading it and what they think, and what I've left out. So please take the time to let me know.**

**Name Reminder:** **_Seto_** is used to refer to the High Priest version. **_Kaiba_** refers to Seto Kaiba.

* * *

**CHAPTER 5: WHERE WOULD A YUGIOH STORY BE WITHOUT NIGHTMARES?** **SETO'S POV**

Even from deep in his soul room, I could hear his screams. He was having that nightmare. Again. I had tried to respect his privacy, but I couldn't stand it anymore. And I admit I was curious what had him so spooked… what had him screaming his brother's name, night after night, in terror. Kaiba was too caught up in his nightmare to prohibit my entrance.

When I entered his soul room, I entered his nightmare. Mokuba was trapped in a little room. The walls were made of glass. I recognized the modern forms of our ancient monsters. All the demons of the Underworld were about to devour him. Kaiba was pounding on the door, ramming his shoulder into the glass, but it wouldn't open. I could see Mokuba soundlessly screaming his brother's name.

I added my strength to his, and felt the glass shatter. Kaiba reached in through the broken glass of the wall. I doubt he felt it cut him as he pulled Mokuba to safety. As soon as Mokuba was out of that little room, the nightmare disappeared. Kaiba and I were left in his now-empty soul room. I looked at the unfurnished and unrevealing room and grinned. I would have done the same.

"Damn you, that was my nightmare," Kaiba spat at me. "You had no right to interfere."

"Do you have to hold on to everything so tightly… even that?"

Kaiba looked around, as if just realizing that the monsters were gone. "Does that mean I won't dream it any more?" He couldn't help the note of relief that crept into his voice.

"I don't know," I answered. "I'll come quicker next time."

He was still shaken, still sweating, but he growled, "Who the hell needs you?"

"I know about nightmares. When I was alive I stripped the living energy from my nation's criminals to fuel our monsters. I had the power and the authority to do so – and I used both, mercilessly. After a while I no longer cared how minor their infractions had been, nor how great the potential for growth and change was in the lives I took. My intentions were honorable, my cause was just – but no cause can sanctify the wrongs I committed. Believe me, I earned each and every nightmare. You're right," I said blandly. "You don't need me. The nightmares will burn themselves out, eventually. Mine did… after 2,167 years. Do you really want to wait that long?"

He didn't answer, so I spoke into his silence.

"I'm a part of you now… and I can't ignore your nightmares, any more than I could my own. Besides, I can't let Mokuba – even a dream Mokuba, suffer."

He accepted that, as I knew he would. Kaiba wasn't the only one who was learning.

**YUGI'S POV**

I woke up in the middle of the night to see Yami's shadowy form sitting on the edge of my bed. It wasn't an uncommon sight, but Yami was looking even more thoughtful than usual.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked.

"Kaiba."

"Not Seto?"

"No."

"Do you want to see him again?"

"To what end?"

"You'll feel better."

"It's not right to take your time to make myself feel better."

"Yes it is. I'm sorry I never noticed before that you need some time to yourself."

"Don't be. I have been happy being carried in your puzzle… seeing the world through your eyes… floating in your consciousness. It is all I could have wished for."

"Except?" I prompted.

He sighed. "Except when I look upon Kaiba's face… then I feel the lack of a body so acutely… in that moment my blessings turn to ashes in my nonexistent hands."

"Then go see him."

"No."

"We have always been two separate people. Do I need to take you to our soul room and prove it?" I challenged.

"That would always be a pleasure," Yami replied with a grin.

"Don't distract me," I said with fake annoyance. "I'm serious. It is time to explore what being independent means. You can't go through life as nothing more than my shadow. I can't go through life being your jailer as well as your host."

Yami didn't answer, but that didn't mean I'd convinced him.

"Kaiba gives Seto time to himself twice a day," I added.

"Twice?"

"For school and for morning prayers."

"I do not even remember that. And yet, morning prayers must have been vital to me once… a sacred obligation. Kaiba lets Seto say prayers…" Yami said thoughtfully. "Kaiba drives himself so hard. I am pleased that he has begun to respond to Seto's needs. Perhaps there is hope that Kaiba can learn from this to better care for himself."

(And people call me an optimist…)

"Look… if Kaiba, busy as he is, can give Seto time to himself every day, the least I can do is let you go over to the mansion to make sure he's okay," I said.

"It's not a competition, aibou," he said. But my words had gotten his attention.

"Well if it was a competition, right now – we'd be losing."

He looked at me, a gleam in his eye. He knew I didn't think like that – but what was more to the point was that I knew that he did.

**YAMI'S POV**

Predictably, the first thing Kaiba said when I walked in the door was: "I don't need your help."

'_He might not need your help, but you wish he wanted it, don't you?'_ said Yugi's voice in my ear.

Did I wish Kaiba wanted my help? That was the only relationship I knew – helping and protecting those I cared for. And yet, part of the fascination Kaiba held for me was that he did not need my help, and hadn't since Death-T or Duelist's Kingdom – since he had been reunited with his heart. No one could doubt Kaiba's ability to fight his almost continual battles, nor his willingness to do so. And it was this struggle – and the vibrancy that it lent to his actions – the sheer passionate life that flared through everything he was and did, that fascinated me. Possibly it was also feeling that, after 3,000 years, here was something new… the hope of being wanted, rather than needed.

'_Yes_. _Does that distress you?'_ I asked Yugi, hoping his answer would be 'no'. Last night had been the first time that Yugi had given a hint that he was aware that my growing preoccupation with Seto Kaiba sprang from more than an impersonal concern for his safety. And whatever interest I had in Kaiba, I loved Yugi. He was my brother and my companion. Whatever life I had was by his grace, and his welfare must take priority.

'_Nah. Go for it. It reminds me that we're two separate people. Although we might be closer in some ways than I had thought…'_ Yugi said as he left me to myself.

I filed his statement away to ask about later… when I didn't have Seto Kaiba in front of me, and the green light to explore this further.

"Is that the only reason you think I'm here? To offer unwanted help?" I asked Kaiba, hoping he hadn't noticed my abstraction.

Isn't that why you come out… because you think someone's in danger? Admittedly, I'm usually the one you think is the threat…"

Kaiba tilted his head to one side, "Except that time in the helicopter – you remember – at Battle City… you couldn't have thought I was a danger to Yugi, and there was no duel going on. I've always wondered why you stayed the whole ride."

"Can't you guess?" I asked with a grin. "I like talking to you."

Kaiba leaned back against the wall and smirked back. "So talk. It's your minutes."

"Why do you always have to do that? Say everything like it's a challenge?"

"Because it is. Because that's what life is."

There was a pause.

"It seems odd to be here without a duel," I observed. "I don't even have our deck with me."

Kaiba grinned as if he had won a point and pulled his deck out of his pocket. "I always do."

I looked at Kaiba. I had very little time, and none to waste. I wanted to know him; I wanted him to talk; to say something I could take back and mull over during my time in the puzzle. I had long noticed that on the rare occasions when Kaiba spoke his thoughts; they were direct, heartfelt and surprisingly eloquent.

We all knew Kaiba's one great weakness (although both Kaiba and I would have labeled it his greatest strength.) It was probably playing video games in the living room at this very moment. Kaiba would have willingly revealed no other vulnerability. But despite his best intentions, I had learned quite a bit about his demons and how they drove him.

It was simple. I wanted Kaiba to talk. I would have to offer a gift in kind, first.

"Yugi must have taken our deck out of his pocket when he got home. I'm not sure where it is. I'm not used to being by myself, with nothing but my own desires and whims to consider. This is the first time."

Kaiba's eyes widened as he considered the implications of my choice of destination; then narrowed as he stored the information for future consideration.

"It's a bit strange… being alive," I continued. "I feel a bit rootless."

"Then why do it?"

"Because part of me wanted to see beyond the dueling field. Perhaps curiosity is the last thing to die… even in spirits."

As I said that, I realized something. When I was with Kaiba, I didn't feel like a spirit in a borrowed body. When I was with Kaiba, I felt, simply myself.

"You were the first one to recognize me." I said aloud, "You might have rejected the pharaoh part as a bunch of superstitious bullshit…""

Kaiba smiled at my use of his favorite expression.

"..but you've always known me, even though I don't have a name," I continued.

"I thought it was, 'Yami.' Or is that an alias?"

My growl matched Kaiba's.

"How could I not know who was facing me in battle?" Kaiba demanded. "Isn't that the first rule of war? To know your enemy?"

"Do you truly believe we are enemies?" I challenged.

"Opponents," he corrected himself.

"I prefer rivals," I said.

He tilted his head to one side, considering my words. Then he raised his hand in an imaginary toast, "To rivalry, then."

"You know something else that's strange?" Kaiba continued, "Yugi's the Duel Monsters Champion – and I've dueled him once for about one minute, and he surrendered."

"He saved your life at Duelist's Kingdom," I said sharply.

"You saved Mokuba's. Which do you think I value more?"

"Yugi and I defeated Pegasus together. Make no mistake – I couldn't have done it alone."

"I owe you both equally. I've never denied it."

I grimaced in acknowledgement and frustration. I didn't want Kaiba to be indebted to me.

"At Duelist's Kingdom," I asked suddenly, "Why didn't you put your wounded dragon in defense mode? The match would have ended in a draw."

"A tie wouldn't have served my purposes. I wanted to either win or die. Isn't that the order of things? The penalty for defeat is death."

"Is that what you truly believe?" I challenged again.

Kaiba didn't answer. The slight softening in his stance gave me hope that he had learned, since Alcatraz, to doubt his former certainties… as did his silence. For Kaiba would never admit to indecision.

"If you still believe that, then I wasted my time at Alcatraz," I continued.

"Not totally. You dared me at Alcatraz to find a life beyond my demons. It was the second half of the challenge you first issued at Death-T. I accepted both times."

"I knew you would. And I knew it was the only way to get you to listen. We're alike in this… we both know that duels aren't about the cards, or even about winning – but about testing life's essential beliefs. The true contest is within. And you've never backed down. You remember that first shadow game we played – most people would have taken that nightmare as a warning."

Kaiba shrugged. "It was a good effort – for a beginner. I've had worse."

"You came right back at me – eager for a rematch. Everyone else who knew or suspected of my existence was afraid of me. You wanted a fight. You weren't afraid – you were excited. It was evil and twisted – but in a way it was beautiful.

Kaiba looked down for the first time in our conversation.

"You know," I said quietly, "You get to ask something in return."

Kaiba's eyes glinted. I had engaged his curiosity – which was never as dormant as he liked to pretend.

He paused; sucked in his lips in a gesture of indecision that was so fleeting, I wasn't sure it existed. He exhaled and stood a little straighter; arms crossed over his chest.

"As far as I can recall, 'beautiful' wasn't the word you used at the time. At Death-T, you said you'd never forgive me."

"Considering the circumstances…" I began, but Kaiba interrupted me, his expression somewhere between a smirk and a grimace.

"I'm not questioning the reasonableness of the sentiments. Just why they changed."

"They didn't change. Not really. I've always been able to separate who you are from what you've done."

"A man _is_ his actions," Kaiba contradicted flatly.

"Some men can rise above them," I answered.

Kaiba frowned, weighing my words. He paused, then asked, "Then it wasn't because you were remembering your high priest?"

I shook my head. We had come full circle. Kaiba hadn't mentioned my first visit to his mansion, but I knew he was thinking of it, so I said, "I didn't come to see Seto that night."

"You asked for him."

"I was asking about you. I was worried. I wanted to make sure you were unharmed."

"You wanted to protect me," Kaiba said angrily, as if protection was an insult. "Did you ever stop and think that protection isn't what I want from you?"

'_What do you want?' _

The words hung in the air, unspoken. But it was a question that neither of us was ready to ask, much less answer.

* * *

**_Thanks to Clarity for editing this chapter!_**

**AUTHOR'S NOTES:** In the manga, Seto refuses to sacrifice Kisara, even at his father's urging, and to gain the power to become pharaoh. But he also has no problems sacrificing people that he has decided are enemies of his nation, not to mention stripping the power from his allies' monsters to increase his own. I think that one trait Seto and Kaiba might share is the willingness to do whatever they think is necessary, regardless of cost, and deal with the emotional fallout later.

**Name Note:** I know it's confusing having two characters with the same name. I've tried to limit the confusion by using 'Kaiba' for Seto Kaiba, and reserving 'Seto' for the High Priest. I considered calling him Seth, because I know it some ways that would make it easier for people, but it just didn't feel right to me. In the manga, his name is Seto. They are meant to have the same name, and I think that underscores the connection between them – that one is a reincarnated version of the other. So keeping them both with the name 'Seto' but using 'Kaiba' for the modern version seemed to really fit the way I feel about the characters and express both their connection and the distance between them.

**Yami Note:** Just as I find it impossible to write about Kaiba without Mokuba; I think it's equally impossible to write about Yami without Yugi (especially when they are sharing a body.) In both the manga and the anime Yami consistently regards Yugi with admiration, gratitude and love. I don't think these emotions take away from whatever Yami might also feel for Kaiba, and I don't think they are identical. The only question is how these emotions may be expressed.


	6. The Book Club

**Please let me know what you think of the story. **

* * *

**CHAPTER 6: THE BOOK CLUB**

**YUGI'S POV**

Seto had taken to coming over to the game shop with me after school until it was time for him to go back to the mansion. We'd work on our homework upstairs in my room. Seto had no problem with math or science or languages (and let's not even mention technology) because he could access Kaiba's memories, but literature was a blank to him.

We unpacked our books and settled in to study.

"What's it like having a brother?" I asked, partly because I'd always wondered, and partly to have something to say. But when I saw his face, I wished I'd kept my big mouth shut.

"Would that I knew. Mokuba is all I could have desired in a brother. But he is Kaiba's sibling, not mine."

"That sounds lonely," I said.

Seto shrugged. It was the shrug I had seen Kaiba use dozens of times – right before he walked away because the conversation had turned uncomfortably personal.

"So tell me," I said, switching topics to keep Seto in the room, "What do you think of the book?"

We were reading 'A Tale of Genji' in class. Although it was set in Japan, its descriptions of Heian era court life were as foreign to me as to Seto. In fact, if anything, he probably got them better.

"Genji seems an interesting man. His loyalty is exemplary," Seto said thoughtfully. "I would like to meet him."

"You can't," I blurted out. I stared at him open-mouthed. He flushed slightly and recovered quickly. He hated making a mistake as much as Kaiba… or Yami.

"I forgot," he said. "He died approximately 1,000 years ago in your reckoning."

"No… I meant Genji was never alive… not really…"

Now it was Seto's turn to stare, as if I had just said something unbelievably strange.

"But his life is recorded here," he reminded me, pointing to the book.

"Yeah, but it's not real. It's just made up."

"Someone falsified the records of a prince's life – and you are encouraged to give credence to these lies?" Seto yelled, genuinely outraged.

"It's not a lie. It's a story."

I could see that as explanations went – that wasn't the greatest, so I tried again before he went back to yelling.

"It's a book," I said. "Even when books are fiction… umm, have made up stories in them, it's not the same thing as lying. Just look in Kaiba's memories for the books he's read… you'll see what I mean."

I knew he could get to the surface stuff pretty easily. After all, it was how he and Yami got around.

"There is nothing like that here. There are engineering texts, computer manuals, business contracts… and for relaxation, probability theory. There are no books of made-up people."

Trust Kaiba to be no help.

"I do not understand," Seto said, "If you write lies, then how can you know what is true? But I suppose it is the way of your world. Made up stories… that is all truth is… that is all the gods are – even to you."

The bitterness in his voice made him sound like Kaiba.

"And yet," Seto continued, more softly, "Why should you know of the gods, when even my pharaoh has forgotten? He has forgotten everything."

"Maybe that's his reward. Yami lived his first life as a pharaoh and god, and he wound up in a puzzle. Maybe it's only fair that he gets to see what it's like to be just a regular guy for the little bit he has of this one."

"There is wisdom in what you say. And yet, I never imagined a world where the gods are so unknown that even their sole representative remaining to walk the earth has forgotten who he is. I do not know how to exist in such a world. I feel the verities of my life slipping away."

Seto shook his head, rejecting his momentary weakness. "And yet," he continued, "no matter what appearances say, the gods can not be truly gone. Whether I can see it or not, there must be a purpose. Life is not random. Everything happens for a reason. I will stand by that belief until I die… and beyond," he finished with simple earnestness.

I thought of Kaiba facing Isis on his Battle Ship, declaring, "What is in the hearts of men will surpass even God. This is my belief and I will hold to it." The creed was different… Kaiba's were the convictions of a man who had learned to rely on nothing but himself and his dragons… but the passion was the same.

Maybe Yami and I were linked, in an even deeper way than sharing a body. For just as Yami was drawn to Kaiba, I was pulled towards Seto.

**YAMI'S POV**

It was evening. I was the one in command of Yugi's body. I was about to take sole possession of it for the next hour. It was what I had looked forward to all day. I felt excited, as if a duel was about to begin. And yet, I could not help protesting.

"Now that I know there is no danger, there is no point in seeing Kaiba," I said to Yugi.

"You like seeing him. What more point is needed?"

"_You_ are all that I need, Yugi."

"Thank you. But we both know that's bullshit. You'll always be a part of me, and I of you. But it's time for us to look beyond that and find out who we are when we're not together. Besides, I like the change in you. You're more alive."

"But I'm not alive," I pointed out.

"Is that what this is about?"

"At some point, the pain of what I can't have will eclipse the pleasure of what is. I think you are right – Kaiba could come to care for me – and what of Kaiba then? Shall I teach him a new form of denial and abandonment?"

"Who says you can't have Kaiba? Do you think that I'm so naïve – or so cruel – that I would encourage you to start something, I wasn't prepared to let you finish?"

"I'm troubled."

Yugi didn't pretend to misunderstand. "It was hard getting used to your being here with me. Now that I am, I can't imagine life without you. Yami, we love each other, and nothing can change that. But it's time each of us had a lover whose body wasn't our own. Don't pretend you don't feel the same way."

"Are you truly as confident as you appear, aibou?" I asked.

Yugi smiled at that. "No," he said, shaking his head. "But that doesn't matter either. You've been given the chance to have something of your own after all these years. Go for it. It's the right move – for both of us. Trust to that."

"But Yugi, it's your body…"

"It's our body. I accepted that way back at Duelist's Kingdom. It's time you did too."

I shook my head. It was so like Yugi to sweep all difficulties aside. "Are you suggesting I offer Kaiba the love of a ghost?"

"Isn't that what I've been saying? And in case you haven't noticed – Kaiba deals better with ghosts than with humans, any day."

**KAIBA'S POV**

It had become a routine. It's amazing how anything – sleep deprivation, overwork, answering questions – can become routine if you do it often enough.

It had turned into an odd game – although since it was a game, it was familiar. Yami would come over each night. He had one hour free a day. He chose to spend it with me. Discounting his fifteen minute walk here, and the five minute drive back to the Motou apartment above the game shop, that left forty minutes. At ten minutes a question, it usually left time for two questions and answers apiece.

I don't know why I played.

Maybe because he only had one hour – and he chose to spend it with me.

And that mattered, although I couldn't have said why. It mattered enough that I would play Yami's game even though it had meant revealing myself – which meant revealing a potential weakness. But Yami was right. I wasn't sure what a friend was, but I didn't consider Yami an enemy any longer.

"Why have you stopped dueling?" Yami asked as he walked in the door. He was always conscious that we had no time to waste on meaningless chit chat.

"I will not be owned by anything – not even the cards," I answered in a low voice, as if that would make the exchange less intimate. "My next duel is already marked – to tame my own demons; to come into my own future. Once that battle is won, I will duel again. Until then, I will not be consumed by any lesser engagement."

"That is wise," Yami commented.

There was a pause.

"What is it, Kaiba?"

That was Yami's reminder that it was my turn. I was even worse at asking questions than answering them. Somehow asking seemed so much more intimate. And to be totally honest, I would have been perfectly happy standing in silence next to Yami for the entire hour. But as patient as Yami was in his duels, he was that eager in this. It was as if he was counting the minutes as he passed, regretting each one wasted in silence.

I found the contrast curious. It wasn't what I needed to ask, but it would do.

"Why do you try to fill each second with talk?" I asked.

"Because I have hours of silence ahead."

"Do you regret it?" I asked, not sure if I was referring to his hours with Yugi or his minutes with me.

"No. I regret nothing. Through Yugi's generosity I have had a chance to experience a life reborn – and it has been wondrous. Yugi has been my world. How can one desire more than their world? And yet, I do. I could never regret a moment spent with you, Kaiba – even though when I am with you I feel the passage of time as if each second was an ant crawling under my skin. Each moment is a reminder that I will have the rest of the day to be a observer, not a player, with only this conversation to remind me that part of me is not totally given over to shadows."

That decided me. There was something I wanted… no, I needed to ask – I'd just never had a person to hear me before. But I found myself thinking of Gozaburo a little more these days… not in the vengeful way of Battle City, but more to wonder for the first time, how I would have turned out if things had played out otherwise. I found myself wondering: if I could change myself as one would rewrite a program – what traits would I keep, and what would I consign to the recycle bin?

It was, I suppose, a natural enough reaction to meeting Seto; to seeing our differences. And seeing the ways we were the same. For Seto, too, had been a killer, and each death weighed just as heavily on his soul as on mine. I had never talked about it. I couldn't, not to Mokuba, who needed to believe in the best of me as desperately as I needed to hide my true self from him. But after hearing Seto, for the first time I needed to admit to someone, not only that I was a murderer, (which certainly wasn't news), but that it bothered me.

"Tell me Yami, do you believe that if you kill someone, a part of you dies also?"

"I don't know."

"I designed what I thought were gaming systems. Gozaburo turned them into weapons. The death toll is in the hundreds of thousands."

"The design might have been yours, but the guilt is Gozaburo's," Yami said quietly.

"Is it? I delivered my talents and my designs into his hands, knowing what he is."

"Was."

I let his comment pass.

"You want to know why nothing will ever wipe out my debt to you and Yugi?" I asked suddenly, "Because of you, I didn't add Mokuba's name to that endless list of the dead."

"How do you know that I don't carry the same burden, the same guilt?" Yami asked.

I stared at him.

"I lived in a much harsher time… when life and death walked a much thinner line, and the taking of life was a more casual matter. I don't really know who I was, beyond the title, 'pharaoh'. Pegasus said that the Millennium Items were inherently evil…"

"Pegasus lied," I growled.

"How can you be so sure? You've denied the items for years."

"I don't need to know anything about them. I know you. And I will not believe that you have ever been anything less than honorable."

"Thank you," he said softly.

We looked at each other awkwardly. Now that our forty minutes were up, neither of us wanted to stop. That too, had become routine. But, if you do it often enough, you can get used to anything. Even saying goodbye when you feel like you're just getting started.

* * *

_**Thanks to Clarity for editing this chapter.**_

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** One thing I found interesting about giving Seto at least some (if not all) of his memories, is that I thought it would be interesting to explore the culture shock he must be feeling. It gets overlooked surprisingly often, but Seto was a High Priest. Given his nature, I don't think he would have been able to do that if he didn't deeply believe in his religion. In which case, I think it would be a shock to come to a world where his eternal gods are unknown, or worse, considered myths.

On that note – although stories about ancient gods seem almost like fairy tales to us, that wasn't the case in the cultures that created them. Stories of Osiris and Isis and set and the lives of the pharaohs would have been real – gospel truth, if you will – to Seto. And there's no sign that the Egyptians had literature as it is known today – the novel is a relatively new idea. So I liked the idea of Seto not quite getting that something could be both written down and made up. And I can picture Kaiba refusing to waste his time on novels – unless they served some practical purpose.

**Time Note:** I was attracted to telling this story because I wanted to write about both versions of Seto (having a thing for multiple Setos), but along the way, I realized a lot of this story is about time, and how there's never enough of it in a day…


	7. What's in a name?

**Please let me know what you think. I've always felt (there's poem that said this) that until it's been read, a story is just ink on a page – so I'd like to hear from you.**

* * *

**CHAPTER 7: WHAT'S IN A NAME?**

**MOKUBA'S POV**

Nisama didn't want to talk about Seto, didn't want to discuss all that had happened or what was going on with him. That was a given. He wasn't big on talking at the best of times. And to be fair, Nisama was trying to negotiate a contract to enter the arena of providing CGI for the movie industry. As he put it, the game couldn't last forever.

Besides, as much as duel monsters, particularly his dragons, were a part of him, his true passion was working in light, creating the illusion of life. Movies were another way to do that.

I had to laugh at the way Nisama went about breaking into the movie business. Anyone else would have set about assembling some sort of portfolio, done some CGI sequences on spec, and sent it around. Instead, Nisama had started searching for likely properties that might be ripe for turning into movies. He was trying to find the one that best suited his talents, and then track down who was interested in the rights. He hadn't bothered actually reading any of the books. He'd simply scanned summaries and outlines looking for imagery he'd like to create.

"I've narrowed it down to two properties likely to be in development soon," Nisama announced over breakfast. "Given the success of the Lord of the Rings, it's inevitable that someone will do a live-action version of The Hobbit. But that has a built-in disappointment factor. Besides, there's only one dragon," he said dismissively.

I nodded. It did sound like a waste of my brother's time and talents. And he always started by listing the rejects first.

"Then there are the 'Dragonriders of Pern' books. I haven't read them, although I suppose that's the next step. They sound hopelessly banal. The hardest part of the job would probably be listening to the ridiculous drivel that probably passes for dialog. I've checked out the artwork and the plot summaries though. There's an entire dragon society. At least _they_ sound reasonably intelligent. And they perform complex aerial maneuvers while shooting fire. They seem to be fighting some kind of naturally occurring napalm that falls from the sky."

My brother frowned briefly, his eyes dimmed. I knew he was thinking of the old Kaiba Corporation.

"I've heard of them," I said. "I'll go pick up the books. I'll read all the human parts and give you a synopsis – then highlight the dragon bits for you."

"Good idea," he said. "That'll save a lot of time."

I wanted to ask about Seto – but unless the high priest had just bought the rights to 'Dragonflight,' or turned into a dragon himself, Nisama wasn't likely to be interested. Anyway, the whole thing clearly bugged me a lot more than it did Nisama.

And that wasn't just Nisama acting tough as usual, either. He really was taking this whole acquiring-a-spirit thing in stride. It was like he didn't even care if he was giving up part of his life – even if it was to some half-assed version of himself.

Maybe Yami's coming over every evening was helping. Although between their first shadow game, Death-T, and Duelist's Kingdom – I was pretty wary about Yami's idea of 'help.' And if Nisama had wanted advice (something he'd never wanted before) on how to handle having a spirit in your head – the person he should have been talking to was Yugi, not Yami, anyway. Nisama had shrugged when I asked about Yami's nightly visits, but he seemed to like seeing Yami (at least he always made time for him.) I suppose that's what mattered, and maybe if I was lucky, they'd figure out what to do about Seto. After all, Yami had done a good job of getting rid of that weird Malik, and the last thing Nisama needed in his life right now was a ghost.

**SETO'S NARRATIVE**

Mokuba was in the dining room as usual, when I got in at 4:15 PM. I wasn't sure why he waited for me every day, making determinately polite conversation, when I wasn't the Seto he wanted to see. The slight edge in his carefully neutral voice stung a little.

It was ironic. I had been an outsider in my pharaoh's court; the only one plucked from obscurity to be the High Priest's protégé. If I had ever known why Akunadin had chosen me, my passage through the Rod had stripped those memories from me. But I well remembered the faint divide between myself and the rest of the court, all born to their roles. And yet their questioning glances had never bothered me, as did Mokuba's faintly appraising stare.

I looked at the cover of the book that Mokuba was reading. It depicted a scantily clad female who was improbably perched on a golden dragon. The dragon was a handsome creature. Once I would have been confused, but thanks to Yugi, I was able to say to Mokuba, "I see you are reading a book of not-true facts."

Mokuba gave me a genuine smile at that comment. "I guess you could put it that way."

"Why does it give you pleasure to read something you know to be lies?"

Mokuba looked at me, and I had the feeling it was one of the few times he was seeing me as well.

"The setting might be fake," he said thoughtfully, "And the people are made up… but they're real anyway. I mean how they act… how they feel… I can't explain it, but when you read about them they become just as real as the people you meet like in school or something."

"It is a strange alchemy," I agreed. "And yet it does not feel like a mere cheat of the senses. Even knowing that this man, Genji, never existed… I wish him well."

Mokuba nodded and returned to his made-up people, and I enjoyed a rare moment of companionable silence.

I was still thinking about this world the next day, as I walked to school. In my own time, I had lived by stripping the life force (the soul, if you will) from my nation's enemies. And now I was a shadow myself. It seemed a fitting punishment. And yet, I had been privileged to see this new world – if privilege it was to exist in a place where so much had been overturned.

Including myself.

For the first time I existed as something other than the sum of my duties. In losing my body, I had freed myself from its obligations. I thought of Yugi's words and wondered if this was a punishment, or if against all expectations, I had been blessed as well.

I wasn't surprised Kaiba had never asked me what it was like being stuck in the Millennium Rod for 3,000 years. As far as I could tell, he was barely concerned with his own existence. I was fairly sure that no one else's except Mokuba's (and possibly the pharaoh's) registered. So questions of non-existence must have seen absurdly irrelevant.

It certainly hadn't been existence, but it hadn't quite been non-existence either. It hadn't been painful, possibly because I had been unaware of the passage of time.

But that time has done, what I would have sworn nothing could: it had taught me patience. Yet, it seemed to have done the opposite for my pharaoh; shown him the limits of his. In a way, it made him more like my other self… which still seemed an odd way to describe Kaiba, who was at times, so different from me.

When I had arrived at the school, I was surprised to meet my pharaoh instead of Yugi. But I was under no illusions why he had interrupted my time with his host; he was checking up on Kaiba. It was another, unsettling change.

"How are you two getting along?" he asked.

"Why don't you ask Kaiba?" I countered.

"Why do you always have to be so difficult?" he muttered.

I wondered which one of us he was really talking to, Kaiba or myself.

"Because I'm your High Priest, not your slave," I answered.

"No one else, past or present, seems to have had problems telling the difference between the two."

I shrugged.

He murmured "How have you managed to pick up all of Kaiba's most annoying gestures?"

That amused me enough, that I gave him an honest answer instead of an evasion. "No one else in your court grew up thinking they were an orphan existing by the grace of their mentor."

"Is that what propelled you to the forefront of every battle?"

I shrugged again, then decided to make him a present of the information. "If I wasn't the bravest and the best, what value did I have? What else did I have to fall back on? Certainly not family connections. It drove me then. In case you were wondering, it's what drives Kaiba now. Only he lacks even the certainty of faith to anchor him."

"He's ceded the name, 'Seto' to you?"

"Why not? It's not like he was using it."

My pharaoh shook his head, and asked suddenly, "Why do you remember so much more than me?"

"I don't know. And I remember less than you think. The passage into the Rod, and then out to this shadowy life has stripped much from me. I can recall much of our lives, but I do not know how we wound up in the Millennium Items – or here. But I remember one essential fact you have forgotten: You are the pharaoh – the gods' living representative on Earth. You are part of their divinity. Once, any feelings warmer than respect would have been foreign to you."

"That sounds like an even more distant and disembodied life than the one I have now. Perhaps I should be grateful for the loss of my memories, if it shields such a cold existence from my view."

His voice faltered. He stared at me, and suddenly said, in a rushed, pressured voice, "Seto… if you remember so much – do you remember my name?"

I nodded.

"Gods, Seto! Why didn't you tell me?"

"How was I to guess you were ignorant even of that?"

"But you never called me by it, not even once."

It was my turn to look puzzled.

"When have I ever called you anything but pharaoh?"

The pharaoh looked at me expectantly. I should have told him, but I had answered so many questions that day. I needed to restore the balance between us.

"You could order me to tell. You may have forgotten, but you are still my pharaoh. I am still obligated to you."

"Never," he ground out, as the school bell rang, and his eyes changed from crimson to violet. I left the building. I should have told him. What I had done was wrong. I knew it, but I was not ready to back down. And so, I didn't want to see the disappointment in Yugi's eyes.

* * *

_**Thanks to Clarity for editing this chapter.**_

**AUTHOR'S NOTES**: It might have seemed a bit harsh on the 'Dragonriders of Pern' books, but I was trying to picture a book that Kaiba might be interested in doing the special effects for, and given all the dragons it seemed a natural. Than I thought of his reaction to the plot and characters… But I figured that whatever their opinions of the humans, both Kaiba and Seto would definitely approve of the dragons.

I think High Priest Seto is more used to working with others than Kaiba, but that's a relative statement. Although he clearly is devoted to the pharaoh, he often evades his orders if he disagrees with them, and can turn on his 'teammates' to show his own power and when he feels it is necessary. So I wanted to show that side of him a little here.


	8. I don't think there's a Hallmark Card

**Please let me know what you think. I've always felt (there's poem that said this) that until it's been read, a story is just ink on a page – so I'd like to hear from you.**

* * *

**CHAPTER 8: I DON'T THINK THERE'S A HALLMARK CARD FOR _THIS_ OCCASION**

**YAMI'S POV**

Usually I would have rested, finding Yugi's school routine no more appealing than did Kaiba – or Jonouchi for that matter. The difference was (unlike Jonouchi) Kaiba and I could escape its monotony.

Today however, I was too keyed up to relax, much less sleep, and the afternoon seemed endless. Beyond enquiring as to my well-being, and checking in at regular intervals, Yugi left me to my thoughts.

I thought I had calmed myself down by the time we walked home. It wasn't until Yugi turned on his computer, and I heard his strangled cry as he checked his email, that I realized I had been holding a breath in my phantom lungs. The message was simple:

"Your name is Atemu."

There was no signature line. None was needed. The email was from Kaiba Corporation.

"Atemu. I am Atemu," I said in wonder. I still had no memories. But Kaiba had given me back my name.

"This is great, Atemu," Yugi said. It was the first time someone had spoken my name in 3,000 years. I could feel the dust being blown off of its characters as he spoke.

"Yes. It is indeed wonderful."

"How does it feel?"

"Indescribable. I am still myself… and yet, now I am named. It feels too miraculous to be true."

"I guess I'll just have to keep saying your name, Atemu, until you get used to hearing it."

"If you call me 'Atemu' a thousand times, that will still be just a day in the face of the millennia it has been silent."

"If you want to see Kaiba privately to thank him, you're probably better off waiting until night," Yugi said.

"Thank you, aibou. I would appreciate the chance to see him." I said.

"Don't worry, I won't wait up for you."

"Aibou?" I asked, startled.

"You heard me. You have the night to yourself. Don't waste it," Yugi replied with a smirk that matched the best one Kaiba or I could offer.

It was not just gratitude towards Kaiba that sped my steps towards his mansion as soon as Yugi had retired for the night. I had shattered Kaiba's heart to save his soul – then tried to guide its rebuilding. That had created an obligation between us that had forestalled any other possibilities. For Yugi's permission could not erase Kaiba's sense of his own indebtedness, nor the constraints that imposed upon us. But magically, with a few keystrokes, Kaiba had leveled the playing field.

I felt truly reborn… and free to do what I had wanted to ever since Kaiba had stood atop Pegasus's Duel Tower and dared me to cut his throat with his cards.

"Why?" I asked Kaiba, when I had arrived at the mansion.

Kaiba shrugged. "Every man should know his own name," he said.

It was only then that I remembered – for all it had come to define him – 'Kaiba' had not been the name he was born with.

"Whatever debts you think are between us – they have been repaid," I stated.

"What else is between us but debts and obligations, rivalries and anger?" Kaiba asked, but without heat, as if hoping that once again, I would supply an answer.

"Whatever we choose," I said as I reached up to kiss him. He bent his head enough to let me, our lips making brief contact before he straightened up, once again out of reach.

Kaiba looked at me, like he could not believe what I was offering.

"Sorry I can't," he said far too flippantly. "I'm too busy fucking myself."

Kaiba had been the architect of Death-T. Yet, for the first time, I heard a note of shame in his voice.

"I know," I assured him.

I was not surprised sex was as much a part of their link as fighting. Both kept their feelings hidden, even from themselves… yet they would have felt (and resisted) the same pull to connect… to bond… as Yugi and I.

And they were both physical men.

"You know? You mean you… and _Yugi?_" he asked incredulously.

My lips twitched. "Possibly not as often as you and Seto, but yes. I am a part of Yugi. How could we not belong to each other in every way?" I saw his unconscious nod. "But this is different… the challenge of learning someone whose mind I do not dwell in."

**KAIBA'S POV**

Yami's lips were a breath away from mine. Seto had tricked me, or I had tricked myself, into intimacy. Yami, in his very transparency, was more dangerous.

"Openness is the most dangerous illusion of all," I told him.

"What if it's no illusion?"

"Even worse."

"Does that frighten you?" Yami asked.

I smiled. "You know better. Danger never frightens me. It excites me." Yami was wearing his confident look again, so I added, "It took you long enough."

"What?" Yami asked incredulously.

"I didn't think you were coming here each night because all you wanted was talk. You could have picked Yugi or one of his idiot friends for that."

Yami stepped back, shaking his head and crossing his arms. "No. This price is too high. I will go no further if you persist in pretending that my only interest in you is physical. I want _you_, Kaiba."

"Why do you have to preface everything with some sort of self-righteous speech?" I asked. "My interest in you isn't purely conversational either. I happen to prefer action – and lots of it – to words, any day, Atemu."

He smiled as I used his name, distracted for once. I leaned into him, backed him into the wall, and settled down for some serious tongue work. We were still in the hallway. I decided that privacy wasn't a bad option. I kicked the door open to my office. It was kind of fun stumbling inside groping each other, but after all the years we'd spent dueling each other, I wasn't in a mood for any more foreplay.

Yami wasn't some casual trick. We both knew that. I would never have bothered telling him his name if that's all he was. And he wasn't some half-assed version of myself that I could write off as a really cool wet dream. Yami was real, and he was going to ask for things I had never given anyone before – some measure of intimacy and trust. I was going to do it, but the last thing I wanted to do was talk about it first.

Yami, being Yami, however, wasn't quite done.

"Kaiba…"

For once there was a note of hesitation to his voice, which clued me in to what he was about to ask for. I let him stumble through his speech anyway. "Yugi is my host. I am using his body to channel my own… Even with me, Yugi has never been the one to… and he has never… I can not permit his body…"

I decided that if I wanted to get my rocks off before Yami turned into a pumpkin again, it was probably in my interest to help him out. And if I was going to make concessions, I was going to get some of my own back, first.

"Don't even bother asking," I said. I smirked at his downcast face; watched him swallow in disappointment.

"You could try begging," I added.

Yami looked at me, stunned. "Does that mean the answer is…"

I shrugged. "Hell, yes. The last thing I want is you distracted with worry about how this will affect Yugi's body, when I'd rather you were concentrating on more important matters. I learned something from fucking myself and getting done in return… either way works just fine. Besides…" I threw back my head and laughed. "The illusion of surrendering control… it's the ultimate taboo, and I love smashing it. You know all that bullshit people say about forbidden fruit? Well… they're right."

"Kaiba…" he said.

"Suddenly incapable of speech are we? Well, all I can say is you better have one talented mouth to make me feel like this is a fair exchange."

The smirk was back. "Is that a challenge?" Yami asked.

"Isn't it always?"

**ATEMU'S POV**

Kaiba dropped his pants and stood there, leaning slightly back, eyes glittering. Before he went on his back, did he expect me to drop to my knees and suck him off while he stood there watching?

This was Kaiba.

Of course he did.

I complied.

If he thought I would be embarrassed, Kaiba was being even more dense than usual. Years of staring at his body through every duel, of shielding stray fantasies from Yugi and finally even from myself, because it became a torment to think of them, had left no room for shyness.

There was only one detail that needed changing.

"As sexy as your trench coat is, I'd rather see your body," I said.

Kaiba shrugged himself out of his trench coat and shirt. They fell in waves around me.

The now bared muscles of his chest, his abdomen, jumped under my fingers as they brushed their way down his torso. If I had ever felt anything like this, it had been 3,000 years ago, and the memory had not lingered. I had been with Yugi, but this was different; this was a matter of bodies as well as souls. From the slightly startled look on Kaiba's face as my hands reached his groin, as I took him in my mouth, I would wager he felt the same.

It was not hard to comply with Kaiba's demand. It was a pleasure to hear his harsh breathing, to feel him strain against me, to drive him towards relief. To feel another… a different body, for the first time in 3,000 years… To be with Kaiba... to touch him, to taste him… it was like getting 3,000 years of sensations, of desires, satisfied in one rush of gluttony.

Kaiba waited until his breathing had returned to normal. Then he pulled up his pants, buckled the inevitable KC belt, and said, "Bedroom. Now."

He swept from the room, not looking to see if I followed, leaving his trench coat and shirt on the floor. I wondered what his staff (or Mokuba) would think, then shrugged and followed him out the door, closing it behind me.

I had never really thought about what Kaiba's bedroom would look like. At first glance, it was large, comfortable, and unrevealing; almost (but not quite) impersonal enough to be a guest room. Then I realized that sparse as the room was, it was also subtly eccentric. The walls were silver, shinning faintly in the lights from the hidden track lights in the ceiling. The ceiling itself was white. It gave the impression of being in an ice cave. Miniature holographic dragons seemed to be sleeping on his desk. Kaiba's bedroom was exotically jarring after the cheerful clutter of Yugi's.

Now that we were in his bedroom, I hesitated by the closed door. The break had given both of us a minute to cool down. I wondered if it had given Kaiba a chance to reconsider. That was fine, I tried to tell myself, although my still labored breathing gave lie to my thoughts. But I knew Kaiba this well: the only way he would become my lover was if the decision was his… and was made in cold blood.

Kaiba noticed my hesitation. "Don't tell me you expect me to back out now that I've gotten what I wanted? You should know by now, I always stand by my word – and you certainly lived up to your end of the bargain."

"That's not good enough, Kaiba," I said. "Not in this. I want nothing offered in payment. The only coin that can be given for desire, is an answering need."

"A very talented mouth, Atemu," Kaiba said, coming closer and running his thumb along my lower lip. "Do you think it would be possible for you to use it again for something besides speeches?"

I had needed for Kaiba to know that this was no casual fling. Kaiba, just as clearly, had no intention of discussing or acknowledging anything so close to an emotion. Perhaps Kaiba was right. In the face of what he had given me, in the face of what he was now offering – words were not needed. I gave up on talking, and yanked his head down so our lips could meet again.

That's when Kaiba lifted me up.

"I'd prefer not to get a crick in my neck," he said blandly, as I wrapped my legs around his hips.

"That wouldn't be a problem if we were lying down," I said.

The bed was, like Kaiba, resilient rather than soft. He was lying beneath me on it. I ran my tongue down his neck and heard him moan. I hoped instinct would carry me through the rest of the night.

Never had I cursed my lack of memories more.

I had absolutely no recollection of ever having done anything like this at all, except with Yugi, whose body and its reactions matched my own. And given the practiced way Kaiba had dropped his pants and leaned back, I doubted that he was similarly ignorant.

I hated ceding Kaiba any advantage, even such a transitory one as experience.

I was grateful, once again, that Yugi shared my preferences. Otherwise, I might have had to submit to the humiliation of having Kaiba guide my every move, and I was sure he would not have been as patient a teacher as Yugi. Luckily, I had Yugi's daydreams of Seto to fall back on, as well as my own. I had tried not to intrude on Yugi – after all, what could be more private than a man's fantasies? Now I was glad for all the times my restraint had broken.

I reached Kaiba's ear, slipped my tongue into its well, moved slightly to suck on the lobe. As Kaiba arched his neck back, moaning, I realized (with a sense of relief) that his reactions were the surest guide I could wish for.

Even in my fantasies, Kaiba never remained passive for long. Soon I was the one mimicking his moves, until we were matching each other lick for lick, touch for touch, and shiver for shiver. I broke the rhythm of this strange dance, only as I learned all the ways his response differed from mine: his nipples were more sensitive; his neck, less so. Kaiba was as quick a learner (for in the end isn't each new body a new experience?) and was as quick to exploit my weaknesses… until we were rolling across that large bed. Until it was hard to tell if we were making love or wrestling.

Then Kaiba groped in his nightstand for lubricant. And it hit me… this was really happening. Kaiba was really here… with me… beneath me. I was truly in Kaiba's bed… feeling my own body as it now moved inside of his… feeling his body as it responded. Each of us distinct, and yet gloriously fused… our separateness making our merger that much sweeter. Kaiba's moans, low and guttural, sounded in my ears, joining with my own screams, wondering and finally ecstatic… until our voices were as individual and as mingled as our bodies.

Afterwards, I held him tightly, fiercely, as if I would hold on to each second as it passed. I marveled at the feel of the leanness in his body, a leanness that was more than physical – and so different from the leanness of mine. I held him until I felt his muscles relax – and realized that Kaiba had fallen asleep.

I sat up a little to look at him. I had never seen him so relaxed, never realized his lips were so soft as I watched them purse in and out with each breath.

But I wasn't surprised to see those blue eyes suddenly open… to see Seto sit up in Kaiba's place. He would not have intruded, any more than Yugi, but he would not have remained totally ignorant, either.

"I suppose it was inevitable," Seto said.

I nodded.

"You actually care?" he asked, puzzled. "This isn't a princely whim?"

"I care," I confirmed.

"Even when I realized you didn't remember your name, I didn't want to admit what that meant," he said sadly. "It is true, though. You no longer remember what it means to be a god. And yet, how can a god forget who he is? How can a god turn mortal?"

"I don't know. I only know that tonight I have been given a second gift beyond the reach of gods."

Seto hesitated, then asked, "Are you staying the night?"

I smiled. In his own way Seto was as protective of Kaiba, as I of Yugi.

I nodded. "I talked to Yugi. I won't be able to stay until dawn every night, but I didn't want Kaiba to wake up alone."

Seto nodded and yawned, as if he too, could go to sleep now.

**KAIBA'S POV**

I awoke slowly… feeling warm… feeling real, solid arms holding me. Sleep or surprise slowed my reaction. I assumed he'd be gone. As if to prove to myself he was real, I traced his lips with my finger.

His eyes opened. I was relieved they were still crimson.

"You didn't have to stay," I said harshly.

He stared at me with the patience I had seen him show in our duels. My words hung between us; not quite a lie, but not quite the truth, either. I was glad he was here. I leaned over and kissed the lips I had just touched, felt his tongue melt under mine.

"This is where I wanted to be," he said.

I could feel him under me; could feel his arousal. As I touched him, I could feel his body becoming boneless and tense at the same time. Although Yami had never lied to me, I would not have believed his words the way I believed his body.

And he had answered the questions I hadn't asked. He must have been serious about our obligations being even. Even better, last night hadn't been another game, yet another way to prove that he was the one on top. He was here because he wanted me as badly as I wanted him. And he had stayed the night, even though I'd been asleep, had stayed to see me wake up.

It had been generous of Yugi, but it was almost dawn, and both Yami and I had other demands on our time. I got out of bed.

"I knew it would be all too short a time before you remembered your many responsibilities," Yami commented.

"I have to go to work, and you have to return – and we both know the score," I answered.

"May I come back later tonight after Yugi is asleep?"

"Why?" I asked.

"Because I want to," Yami said, simply.

I looked at him sharply, gauging his sincerity. I nodded.

'_I'll be waiting,'_ I thought.

"I'll be awake," I answered.

* * *

_**Thanks to Clarity and Bnomiko for editing this chapter. **_

**AUTHOR'S NOTES:** It's funny, but when I tried to think of the moment when Yami might have truly realized his attraction for Kaiba, that scene at Duelist's Kingdom, where Kaiba is standing on top of Pegasus's Tower is what came to mind – probably because although Yami almost kills him, it's one of the emotionally charged scenes between them, and in an odd way shows Kaiba at his slightly crazed, passionate, reckless best. I realize this was a pretty abrupt transition, but I couldn't really see the Yami and Kaiba in this particular story wasting time by moving slowly, especially since so much of the story is about the lack of time.

**SHAMELESS SELF PROMOTION** **(AND SPOILER WARNING): **(Do I get points for honesty?) Anyway, I have started a new story, _The Newly Revised Book of the Dead_. It starts the moment the manga ends (so it's a spoiler for the end of the series) and sends Kaiba on a quest.


	9. For Every Action

**Please let me know what you think. I've always felt (there's poem that said this) that until it's been read, a story is just ink on a page – so I'd like to hear from you.**

* * *

**CHAPTER 9: FOR EVERY ACTION…**

**YUGI'S POV**

We were in our soul room. It looked like my bedroom today. We were on my bed, kissing.

Was Atemu trying to reassure me that even though something had been added to his life, nothing had been subtracted? Or was he trying to convince himself?

That wasn't the thought I meant to have pop into my mind at a time like this, but it did, and Atemu heard it. And we couldn't just go back to kissing and pretend it hadn't happened.

"Aibou," Atemu said, "I float in your consciousness, merge with your thoughts and feelings; I am carried within your body. No bond could be more intimate." I nodded, but we both knew that wasn't the point.

I was the one who had set things in motion, knowing it would end with Atemu and Kaiba in each others' arms. It's the kind of thing you can't take back once you've done it. Only now that it had happened, now that it was too late, I was getting cold feet.

Atemu loved me the way he always had. I could feel it. But it was weird suddenly seeing a whole new side of him, even if it was the one I'd told him to explore. There's a big difference between telling someone to do something, and then having them actually do it.

Atemu and I loved each other. I knew that beyond a doubt. So I felt like an idiot for being worried, when I knew there was nothing to worry over. It was just that things had changed, they had to have changed, even though it felt like everything had stayed the same. I shook my head in frustration. If Atemu was trying to read my feelings, all he was probably getting was a lot of static.

"If my being with Kaiba distresses you, aibou," Atemu said, "I won't…"

"No!" I interrupted before he could complete the sentence; before he made it real. "Don't you dare break-up with Kaiba. I'll get used to it."

"This will never infringe on us," Atemu said. "I swear it."

"I know. It's just different. It's okay." But Atemu heard my unspoken thought as well: '_What if you like Kaiba better?'_

Atemu paused. I could feel him coming to a decision. "Do not seclude yourself in your soul room the next time I meet Kaiba. Then you will know that he is not a threat to you, nor you to him."

"What? Are you crazy?" I demanded.

But Atemu was unperturbed. "Anything I have is yours as well. If you were there, you would be comforted in your heart as well as your mind."

"You want me to spy on you and Kaiba?"

"It would hardly be spying. I would never lock you out. My end of our link will always be open. The choice however, as always, is yours," Atemu murmured.

It was wrong. I knew it. But as I went back to kissing Atemu, I also knew I was going to take him up on his offer. Because even though it was wrong, maybe Atemu was right.

**MOKUBA'S POV**

Once I would have said that if I could just see a real smile on my brother's face – no matter how small – I'd be happy. Once I would have sworn that I'd shake the hand of the person who managed to pin it there.

Once I was a lot stupider.

Because it wasn't a _person_ that had my brother smiling each morning, and that was the problem.

I was in charge of security at the mansion. That's how I knew that Yugi had showed up the past couple of nights at 2:00 AM and stayed 'til about 5:30 AM. In my brother's bedroom. It was pretty hard trying to picture Yugi in my brother's room at that hour of the night, so I checked the security tapes to confirm his eye color, and sure enough, it was crimson.

All I had ever wanted was for Nisama to find someone. Only my brother would have picked a ghost. How hard could it have been to find a real flesh-and-blood person? Instead, he'd hooked up with a spirit who could only be with him for the few hours when his host was asleep. Talk about coming in second.

And I was the one who'd been dumb enough to go to Yami for help. He'd helped himself right to my brother. I'd gone to Yami so Nisama could get rid of his resident ghost. Instead he'd ended up saddled with two. And he didn't even care.

What was worse was that, for all his victories, I knew where my brother had gotten the habit of putting himself last. He'd gotten it from me. He always treated himself like I was the only thing that mattered… like his life was some sort of meaningless chip to be staked in whatever game came next. And he'd been doing it for so many years, that by now he just didn't know any other way to be.

But that didn't mean I had to like it. And it sure as hell didn't mean I had to like Yami.

I could have put my foot down. If Nisama had even a clue how I felt, Yami would be yesterday's news. But then so would that smile.

Yami had put it there, and I didn't want him to take it with him when he left. So for now, I didn't really have a choice but to watch and wait. I just hoped Yami understood the difference between inaction and approval.

**SETO'S POV**

I went to school the next day and the next as though nothing had changed. My pretense must have been less skilled than I had hoped though, because on the third day, Yugi asked, "If this bothers you, have you spoken to Kaiba? Maybe it would help."

I shook my head, flushing slightly. The last time I had seen my modern incarnation, I had forgotten Kaiba's injunction against aiming for his face. (We both forgot far too often. It was too tempting a target.) After the pharaoh had left, Kaiba had taunted me about how good my pharaoh was in his bed. Kaiba had asked me if this was how he had earned the right to be called a god. That was when I gave him a black eye.

"I do not understand this thing between them." I said to Yugi.

"Because Atemu wants Kaiba?" Yugi asked. "You mean, you don't think it's a good idea?

"That Kaiba in his ignorance and arrogance should love a god is to be expected. That the pharaoh should, if Kaiba pleased him, take him is equally fair. But that the pharaoh should so far forget who he is, to actually _care_ about Kaiba…"

"Have you talked to Kaiba?" Yugi repeated, as if talking was a solution.

"What should I say? That he has proved my God mortal, and I do not know what to believe anymore? That he has shaken the foundations of my world – or rather made me realize that my world is so long gone it might never have existed? How can I speak of this to him? Kaiba, even more than I, has been trained to seek out and attack vulnerabilities. My ignorance is so profound, that I do not even know what has made him this way."

"You don't?" Yugi asked in surprise.

"I can only sense the thoughts and feelings that he will consent to share with me… or those that float too close to the surface to be hidden. It is how I know the depth of his feelings for your partner, despite his manner."

That was true, I thought, and felt my mood lighten. Kaiba's feelings for his lover, despite his blasphemous words, were in some ways more devout, more pure than mine for my god. I was comforted by the realization. Maybe Kaiba would understand more than I had given him credit for. After all, after insulting the pharaoh, he had stood still and let me punch him in the eye, without defending himself – and without retaliating afterwards.

**KAIBA'S POV**

The construction of Kaiba Land was proceeding on schedule. It would be the first of many. I smiled at the thought of its completion; it was one more item to be checked off the list.

Kaiba Land was an obligation – to myself and to Mokuba. My latest venture was different. Oh, it was still business – the negotiations had proven that. But it also promised to be… fun. The contract to provide the computer effects for '_Dragonflight'_ was on my desk, ready for my signature. The execs at New Line were no fools; they could see the value of having my name on anything associated with dragons. I would, of course, also be developing the video-game spin-offs.

I had started work on the project even before the final details had been ironed out, not that I had told anyone but Mokuba that. The one thing that first shadow game with Atemu had left me with, besides the occasional nightmare, was a desire to bring dragons to life. To do with my brains and heart and hands, what Atemu had done with a flick of his. It was, I suppose, an obsession. If so, it was one of the more harmless ones I've indulged in.

Nor was it my only new venture.

It was amusingly ironic. I seemed to have attracted a spirit who wanted me for my body. Up until now, everyone had wanted me for my brains. This, at least, was enticingly novel. Somehow in a few short weeks, I had acquired not only a clone-with-benefits, but a rival-turned-lover. It had been a surprisingly painless procedure. That bothered me a little. If my life had taught me anything, it was that something of value could only be acquired at great cost. It was interesting, though… this vague feeling of contentment. I wondered if I could get used to it, but another thing I'd learned was not to expect anything, especially something as changeable as a mood, to last.

Any number of people, including said clone and said lover (not to mention Mokuba) had spent an inordinate amount of time and effort trying to convince me otherwise on both counts, but I saw no reason to adjust my attitude.

On the other hand, maybe they had had an effect, after all. I was willing to hold the question of payment in abeyance; to enjoy myself while waiting for the bill to come due.

**YUGI'S POV**

Kaiba let Atemu into the mansion. Atemu's opening move was to grab Kaiba by the hair, and pull his head downwards. Our lips met. It was like watching someone throw a match onto gasoline. It was that fast and that hot. Before I could even get used to the feel of Kaiba's lips, his tongue was in my mouth and Atemu was giving back as good as he was getting, as if it was a competition. (Although I was afraid to think of what the prize was going to be.) They were going at it like they were going to fuck each other right through their clothes.

It was getting hard to think or even remember who I was. I was horny and freaked at the same time. This wasn't my hard-on I was feeling, but Atemu's. And while I was getting wildly turned on by the body grinding into the one Atemu and I were sharing, Kaiba wasn't the one I wanted inhabiting it. I couldn't believe how quick this was all happening.

Atemu groaned in frustration, but I was a little relieved when Kaiba finally lifted his head.

"That's the best you got?" Kaiba taunted.

Yami's hand shot for his crotch in answer. "Better, much better," Kaiba moaned.

I was surprised. Atemu had always let me take the lead. And we went a lot slower.

That was the end of their conversation (if you could call it that) until they had made it to the bedroom. I was confused. Was Atemu trying to show me all he wanted Kaiba for was his body? But I knew better, and from what Seto had told me, that wasn't true for Kaiba either. So what game were they playing now?

I didn't figure it out until they were in Kaiba's bed stripping each other's clothes off as if it was a race. That's when Atemu finally started talking.

"Do you understand, Kaiba? We belong together. It has taken 3,000 years to craft you into the person you are. You are my compliment and my match."

Kaiba didn't say a word. He didn't need to. His eyes had drifted shut, he was arching into Atemu, leaning into his words as much as his touch. There was no gentleness in Atemu's tone. It was the right move. Kaiba would have rejected anything softer. He might have been a genius, but he would have flunked any vocabulary quiz that had words like tenderness on the list. So Atemu was speaking to Kaiba in the only language he could understand. It worked – for both of them.

Yami was right. This was totally different. It was wildly intense, but passion wasn't what I wanted, at least not from Atemu. Atemu and I were friends. I guess you could say we were friends with benefits – only it was the friendship that was the true benefit. We loved each other, but there are lots of different kinds of love.

What Atemu and I had always found in each other was familiarity, the comfort of being with someone you knew inside out. What drew Yami to Kaiba were their differences – and the challenge of learning someone from the outside in. It was a challenge I was ready to take on as well, only I had a slightly different partner in mind.

Atemu was right. I did feel better.

But Atemu was wrong, too. I had no right being here, seeing this. Atemu had no business giving away his privacy, and I had no business accepting. (Not to mention that Kaiba would probably kill the both of us if he knew.)

'_I should never have intruded on you,'_ I told Atemu through our link. '_I'm sorry aibou. I understand, now.'_

'_Then there is nothing to forgive,'_ Atemu replied.

'_Yes, there is. What I did was wrong, even if you don't realize that,'_ I smiled, '_But we can debate it later, when you're not busy. There are times when three's a crowd – and this definitely counts as one of them.'_

Before I shut down the link, I felt a sting on my (or rather Atemu's) shoulder, and heard Atemu yell, "Kaiba! What was that for?"

"I wanted to make sure I had your undivided attention," Kaiba said.

"Can't a man blink without getting bitten?" Atemu asked.

"Not when he's a member of this little quartet, he can't," Kaiba smirked "Besides, maybe I just like biting."

Yep. It was definitely time for me to go…

* * *

_**Thanks to Clarity for editing this chapter. **_

**AUTHOR'S NOTES**: After upsetting the equilibrium in the last chapter, I decided to show everyone's reaction (well almost everyone's reaction – Kaiba was too wrapped up in his movie-making plans to think too much about it) before going on to upset the equilibrium still more.

It's funny, this was a kind of difficult chapter to write without being really tacky (at least I hope so.) But I could see Yugi getting a cold feet, once it had happened. And I figured that whatever solutions these guys are going to come up with are going to be unconventional ones. Also one thing I found interesting in this is that I can picture the four characters having different kinds of relationships. Of the three relationships in the story to this point, Bnomiko cracked me up by describing Seto and Kaiba as having a kind of rough and tumble wet dream (and I think she's right!) I see Yugi and Yami as being friends who enjoy making love – but the making love is first and foremost an expression of their friendship, and I see Kaiba and Yami being pure passion, possibly the stronger for being somewhat unexpressed.


	10. Sooner or Later, It Had to Happen

**_Please let me know what you think. I've always felt (there's poem that said this) that until it's been read, a story is just ink on a page – so I'd like to hear from you._**

* * *

**CHAPTER 10: SOONER OR LATER, IT HAD TO HAPPEN**

**KAIBA'S POV**

It was night. The clothes were off. There was just one detail that needed adjusting. I started to take his necklace off, as well. Atemu put his hand on mine, but I wasn't letting him distract me.

"Look, I'm sick of getting poked in the chest by the damn thing," I announced "And believe it or not, I've had enough of Millennium Items for one day."

"But Kaiba," Atemu started to say.

"Forget it, Atemu. For just one night, I'd like to pretend I'm not getting fucked by the ghost of a 3,000 year-old pharaoh," I answered, yanking the thing off his neck.

His eyes closed and he sank back into the bed. I would have been worried, but he was obviously still breathing. Hell, he was snoring.

Shit, we have four hours together, and the jerk thinks it's time to pretend he's taking a nap? I smacked him across the face. I concede that wasn't exactly gentle or lover-like – but at the moment, neither was I. Atemu's eyes opened.

Oh shit.

They were purple.

**YUGI'S POV**

I was naked.

I was naked and in Seto's bed.

I might not have minded, but it was the wrong Seto. Kaiba wasn't looking too happy with the substitution either. And the situation wasn't helped by the fact he wasn't wearing any more than I was.

Oh well, at least one of us wasn't embarrassed. Unfortunately, that would be him.

"Uhmm… Atemu can't stay in this body, unless we're wearing the puzzle," I told him, seeing the puzzle on the bed and guessing what had happened.

"Thanks. I figured that out for myself," he said sourly. "Seto can carry the Rod in my briefcase and still materialize. I guess we got the long-range model."

"Sorry," I said, although I had no idea why _I_ was the one apologizing.

"Shit… talk about a mood-breaker," he added.

In general, I deserve my reputation for being easy-going, but that stung. I never understood why Atemu found the flat-out nasty things Kaiba said, funny.

"You're not exactly a sight for sore eyes, either," I retorted.

"Bullshit. Since neither you nor my chicken-shit alter ego have worked up the courage to approach each other, staring at me, is as close as you're going to get."

"You're a fine one to talk – how many times did you duel Atemu and tell yourself all you felt was anger?" I smirked at his look of annoyance. Then I focused on his words.

"You mean Seto's interested in me?" I asked. Unfortunately it came out as a squeak.

He nodded, looking, if possible, even more irritated.

"Look, I might not be the expert here on this whole body-sharing thing," he said, "But believe me, I know what's on his mind – and it's not your little book club."

"He wants me? Not Atemu? Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure. What can I say? Seto's an asshole. It makes sense he'd have no taste. And you of all people should be able to get it through your thick head that Seto and I are _not_ perfect doubles."

As far as I was concerned, Kaiba acted like an asshole often enough, that his statement didn't carry any weight. But, I was suddenly enjoying the conversation too much to want to turn it into a fight. After all, Kaiba and Seto weren't the only imperfect doubles in the room.

"Is that why you started letting Atemu out? Because of Seto?" Kaiba asked.

"Not in the way you're probably thinking. It wasn't like a trade or anything. You were always special to Atemu, you know… but I never thought about it, except to think that I was imagining things. Atemu never said anything. He wouldn't. But we're a team. How could I deny him something he wants so much, just because he'd never ask for it? And you want him too. You honestly don't care that he's this spirit of someone who died 3,000 years ago. Have you even noticed? Maybe meeting Seto showed me that some feelings need to be shared, or it's a waste."

I wasn't making much sense, even to myself. And I could only be thankful that Kaiba was being his usual uncommunicative self. Maybe he was waiting for me to shut up, so he could finish getting laid. It actually would have been a perfect time for me to leave, but I found myself remembering my conversation with Seto. I don't know why I decided that this was a good time to question Kaiba about his reading habits, but the situation was so weird to begin with… and even if he wasn't my Seto, he still looked good.

"Seto said you didn't read…" I started.

What's that moron been telling people? Just wait 'til he pops in again. He's going to need morning prayers all right," he snapped.

Man. Did this guy do anything but scowl? I was beginning to question not just Atemu's taste, but his sanity, if this bad-tempered lunatic was his idea of a good time.

"Of course I can read!" he went on. "How do you think I run an international corporation if I'm illiterate?"

"No. I meant fiction. You know, for fun…" although I'd never used the words Kaiba and fun in the same sentence before…

We were naked. He had been in the middle of making out with Atemu before my surprise appearance, but for the first time he looked slightly flustered.

"Once. Gravitation. And the Reload version. It was a present from Mokuba."

I tried to figure out why Kaiba's 12 year-old brother would be buying him a boy love manga mostly read by girls (not to mention its more hard-core pirated version) as a present, then gave it up. I might have known all about having a spirit inside of you, but I was never going to understand whatever weird bond connected the Kaiba brothers.

"So who was your favorite character – Eiri Yuki?" I asked.

"Please. Like anyone's going to buy that tough-guy act of his. I didn't have a favorite. They were all stupid." He paused. "I guess Hiro was the least boring."

I nodded. In a way it fit. Hiro was important, but he was always on the fringes of the action; never the story's main focus. And Kaiba had picked the character who ranked loyalty above all else.

"I suppose you like Shiuchi best?" he asked sarcastically.

Shiuchi was the cheerful kid; the optimist who believed in love and friendship; the pint-sized hero of the story. Kaiba had got it in one.

I started to put the puzzle back on. "Just one thing, before I leave," I told Kaiba. "Atemu read the book with me. He respects Hiro, but it's Eiri that makes him sweat. He must have a thing for bad tempered jerks who don't know how to keep their hair out of their eyes."

**ATEMU'S POV**

"_You better get back,"_ Yugi said. The body we shared might have been in Kaiba's bedroom, but our consciousnesses were in our soul room "_He's in a pretty bad mood. Not that I've ever seen him in a good mood."_

In spite of Yugi's words, he lingered.

"_Was everything okay?"_ I asked.

"_Yeah, we talked about books."_

I tired to imagine Yugi and Kaiba, naked, in bed – talking about books. I didn't even know that Kaiba read. I have to admit though, it was better than any of the alternative pictures running through my head.

"_He said that Seto liked me, not you."_ Yugi blurted out.

"_My high priest is a wise man."_

Yugi smiled, but continued, doggedly_, "Are you sure you don't prefer Seto? I mean…"_ his voice trailed off. One of the things I loved about my aibou was the almost unconscious way he would sacrifice himself for those he loved. In that way, if in no other, Seto Kaiba reminded me of Yugi.

I knew what he was trying to ask. Yugi and I were more alike than either of us had thought. And we were both attracted to the things that made Seto unique: the intelligence, the steadfastness, the intensity… even the unconscious arrogance and flashes of dark humor.

Seto had been my high priest, yet it was in Kaiba that I found a burning devotion. How could I explain that it was his rage, the fiery nature of his love, the almost uncontrollable fierceness – the very qualities that unnerved Yugi – that had transmuted my friendship into love? I settled for saying, "_Well, aibou – I guess I just have bad taste."_

Yugi giggled. "_That's what Kaiba said about Seto," _he explained as he left.

"Had a nice chat with Yugi, did we?" Kaiba growled in my ear, as I came back to an awareness of my surroundings.

"You have no one to blame but yourself," I replied. "I tried to tell you that…"

"That if I removed that damn puzzle, I'd end up with your bird-brained other self. Will you two stop explaining? I'm perfectly capable of figuring that out for myself what happened."

I was touched that he had noticed the difference so quickly, pleased by this proof that it mattered to him which one of us was in his bed.

"I'm glad you noticed," I joked.

"I've noticed the difference from the first time we dueled. But you know that. Or did you just figure if I was sleeping with you, I must be such a whore, I wouldn't care?"

I sighed. It was difficult teasing Kaiba at the best of times, and, I suppose, this was _not_ the best of times.

He was angry with me for forcing him to admit what he revealed each night – that he cared, that he wanted not just my body, but my soul. Although I hid my pleasure, it was… sweet.

But he was going on.

"Or is it the other way around? Do you wish your high priest was here instead?"

"He prefers Yugi," I replied.

"The question is, which do you prefer? Seto's stupid enough to think you're a God. I'm sure he'd be only to happy to do whatever you ordered."

"Then the fact that I haven't wanted him in 3,000 years should tell even you, something."

He grunted, but didn't speak, which with Kaiba was never a good thing. He was capable of looking at himself and Seto – of analyzing the differences – of coming to the same conclusion as Yugi. Frighteningly enough, Seto was by far the more temperate of the two, the more thoughtful… and by far, the less damaged. But how could I explain that it was the very ruin of his soul that I loved? Especially since I had never spoken of love at all? I could have tried to humor him out of his present mood; given him a flippant response. I'm sure he was expecting one. But although I had never explicitly stated my feelings in words, I would not lie, either.

"I told you when we started, that it was not your body, enticing as it is, that drew me from my puzzle, but your heart. That has not changed," I told him. "Do not refuse to hear my feelings, then twist my silence into proof of indifference."

"You always need to make some sort of speech, don't you? Personally, I think we've wasted enough time for one night…" Kaiba said as he yanked me to him. His words were sarcastic, but he was smiling as he said them.

* * *

**REVIEW NOTE:** I reply to all signed reviews or reviews that have an email address directly. Ireply to all unsigned reviews and post a summary of all replies on my LJ. The link is the first one on my Biopage. I generally post replies there when I update the enxt chapter.

**AUTHOR'S NOTES**: Different things attract me to telling different stories. Usually I'm a total sucker for larger, more action oriented plots. But in this story I really liked the idea of taking a much smaller scale look at just what it would be like to have a spirit inside of you. In a metaphorical sense, one could argue that no one's life is truly their own, but it stuck me it would be fun to see what that was like in a literal sense. At the same time the idea of two personalities sharing a body struck me as really funny in a slap-stick kind of way. I have to admit I was equally attracted by the sort of goofiness potential.

I hope the Gravitation references didn't confuse anyone. It mainly centers on the romance between Eiri Yuki, who's the brooding, stand-offish angst ridden half of the pair, and Shuichi, a totally manic, obliviously cheerful aspiring rock star. To anyone who's read the manga, the similarities between Eiri Yuki and Seto Kaiba are pretty clear, but it occurred to me that Kaiba might not look at it that way. (Although I think the manga character that most resembles Seto Kaiba is Rurouni Kenshin's Shinomori Aoshi, a comparison he might not object to...)

I also liked the idea that reading might mean different things to different people. To Yugi it's a source of pleasure, to Kaiba it's a necessary tool. So even though they are using the same word, it means two different things


	11. Chemistry Lessons

**Please let me know what you think. I've always felt (there's poem that said this) that until it's been read, a story is just ink on a page – so I'd like to hear from you.**

**-**

**CHAPTER 11: CHEMISTRY LESSONS **

**KAIBA'S POV **

It was almost time for Yami to arrive. I was in the lab by myself. I'd just finished the prototype of the first dragon for '_Dragonflight.'_ A bronze. The leader of the pack. I'd turned him into a hologram so I could see his movements. It was what I'd signed the contract for – the true pay-off.

I watched him as he soared above me. He had a large wingspan and the powerful back and shoulder muscles needed to support his flight. His scales and body plates were uniformly bronze. But it wasn't monotonous, even in a beast that big. When the holographic sun hit them, each scale turned into a prism of gold, orange, pink and red. When he moved through the light he looked like the tail end of a supernova as it fades into the night sky.

I had just finished coding in his fiery breath. Blue flames would have been hotter, but when people think of fire, they think of yellow and orange, and those colors complimented his hide much better.

'_You are truly a gifted sorcerer,'_ Seto said. I should have known the dragon would have attracted his notice.

'_There's no such thing as magic,'_ I replied reflexively.

'_The labels change, the idea endures,'_ he replied. '_We called monsters to life out of stone; you do so out of light. Only the element has altered.'_

'_Whatever's on your mind, spit it out,'_ I offered.

_'What would you do if you began to doubt? If you wondered if everything you had believed in… had been trained to be… turned out to be wrong?'_

'_Are you asking what would I do, or what I did?'_ I queried, and for once the only sarcasm in my voice was a note of self-mockery. '_Are you asking me how to rebuild your heart after it's been shattered down to the bedrock?'_

_'If not shattered, then cracked.'_

_'I went back to the crucial things in my life; the things I had put in danger through my own carelessness; and without which life would be meaningless. I went back to my promises.'_

'_My pharaoh has forgotten, but I remember,'_ Seto said thoughtfully_. 'Maybe as long as there is one priest who keeps to his oaths, then even in this strange world, the gods are not truly gone.'_

_'I guess this means that you'll be wanting to waste my time tomorrow with your fool prayers.'_

_'As I have every morning, since I was old enough to perform the ceremony. Before my arrival here, the gods had waited 3,000 years to be properly greeted each morning. It would not do to further try their patience by neglecting them so soon after resuming my duties.'_

'_Well one of your gods will be here soon, and I don't plan to keep him waiting either,'_ I couldn't resist saying. Once Seto left, I had to laugh at the idea of anyone coming to me for spiritual guidance. Luckily I was into a more earthly form of ecstasy.

**YAMI'S POV**

Unimaginably, it had settled into a routine. Kaiba met me at the door every night, as if he silently accepted that I needed the fifteen minute walk to settle into myself: to be my own, before I could be his. Afterwards, he drove me home (we were always slightly pressed for time.) He would drop me off a block from the game shop and watch as I went into the apartment upstairs.

Sugoroku knew I went out each night, although we hadn't discussed it. He had only asked one question, as I returned home on the fifth morning.

"Will this harm Yugi?"

"Never. I swear it."

He nodded, satisfied, as he held the door open for me to enter.

I was grateful for his forbearance, but I couldn't resist asking, "Don't you have any other questions?" I knew both how talkative and how curious the old man could be.

"Many. But having been granted time and freedom of action, I am not going to propose that you trade in your privacy in return."

I nodded. I didn't know if he would approve, and didn't want to strain his tolerance or remind him that this was not his decision to make.

I was at the mansion, now. I needed those fifteen minutes, but now that I was here, neither of us proposed wasting a moment more. We were naked and in bed. I looked at Kaiba. Somehow the fragility of our time together and its constraints gave it added value.

"Do you have any idea how precious you are to me?" I asked.

Kaiba didn't answer. Of course. It was another difference between us. Kaiba accepted the fifteen minute delay; he silently accepted my limitations. But I wanted to understand his.

"Are you still that allergic to talking?" I asked.

Kaiba looked at me. "Come with me," he said.

I followed him out of the bedroom. It didn't seem to bother him that we were wandering naked through his mansion. Before I had the time to ask where on earth we were going, we arrived at his kitchen.

Kaiba went to the cupboards and the refrigerator and began taking out seemingly every kind of bottle imaginable, as far as I could tell with out rhyme or reason. It was only when he took down the food coloring that some of the logic behind his choices was clear – most were colorless liquids – or nearly so. He added the different colors, separately to his choices, then carefully layered them in a glass, slowly pouring one atop the others. His body was shielding the glass from my sight.

"Look," he finally said, as he stepped aside.

It was beautiful. At the top of the glass was band of light blue that melted into pink, then a thinner one of orange-yellow, and a still narrower ring of pure gold. The next band softened to pink, through purple, and back to a darker blue. Kaiba had caught a vision of the sun setting on the ocean in a glass.

"It's stunning," I said, and meant it.

He smiled bleakly, took a spoon, put it into the glass and stirred, fiercely. The vision was gone. All that remained was a glass filled with an unappetizing, mud-colored liquid.

"Never shake up anything that's inherently unstable," he said.

"I am willing to bet that the sun will return," I answered.

Kaiba gave me a genuine smile at that. He picked up the glass and left the kitchen, calling over his shoulder, "Stick around for a couple of hours then, and see if your faith will be rewarded."

I gladly followed him back upstairs. He carefully set the glass on the table beside his bed, before turning to me with much less gentleness. I didn't mind. This should have started to feel familiar by now. It should have started to feel as routine as the fifteen minute walk I took each night to get here. It didn't. Instead, I found myself concentrating anew on the fierceness of his touch, on the intensity of his focus. If Kaiba would not speak, I would simply learn to listen to all he did not say.

It was only as I was ready to leave that I looked away from Kaiba to the glass on the nightstand by his bed.

"It seems that if the bonds are strong enough, even after a thorough shaking, things will settle to their natural state." I said, relieved to see that his original vision had remained true to itself.

"But we would have wasted three hours, and time is the one thing neither of us have to spare."

"It is worth the payment of time to know that even in the midst of uncertainty, some things will hold constant."

But I knew what Kaiba meant. There were moments when even my love for Yugi, my knowledge of the great debt I owed him… and my guilt at my own disloyal thoughts… weren't enough to keep me from wanting this time with Kaiba to go on forever, without interruption.

**MOKUBA'S POV**

Once again, I was downstairs in the morning before my brother. He came into the kitchen with that god-damned little smile playing across his lips. It looked out of place, and so damn right. I found myself wondering yet again if this was what he would have looked like all the time... if he'd never hooked up with Gozaburo... if we hadn't landed in the orphanage... if my Mom hadn't died... if I'd never been born.

I shook my head. That wasn't going to help – and my immediate problem was my brother. I was the one in charge of security at the mansion, well routine security anyway. So Nisama had to know that I knew. It was over a week. If I didn't say something soon, he'd start to wonder why. Except I had no idea what to say.

Not that there was any way to say anything to my brother – except straight out.

"Why didn't you tell me? About Yami, I mean?" I asked.

"His name is Atemu. And it wasn't a secret. You'd know the minute you checked the security tapes and saw him arriving in the middle of the night – not to mention when you saw him leaving with me three hours later. Why? Does it bother you?"

He spoke casually, as if the answer didn't matter. He looked at me, and anyone else would have said that it was a penetrating stare. I knew better. In some ways my brother was incredibly myopic. He wouldn't know how I really felt unless I told him.

"Well..." I said, choosing my words carefully. "I kind of hoped you'd meet... you know... a real person."

"Atemu is real," he said flatly.

I rolled my eyes. "I meant one with his own body. Atemu's just borrowing his."

"We're all just borrowing our bodies, if you think about it – and one day we're going to have to return them. Atemu's just doing it a little more directly."

I didn't know whether to laugh or scream. Nisama had a point. He always had a point. That didn't change the fact it was the stupidest thing I had ever heard come out of his mouth. And it didn't change the fact that this wasn't what I wanted for him.

"It bothers you," he said softly, a muscle in his jaw tightening. The smile was gone. And I knew if I said, 'Yes, it bothers me,' that smile was never coming back.

I shook my head before he could tell me that it would be all right.

"It just takes a little getting used to," I said, "But I'm cool with it. Atemu's an okay guy."

I watched his shoulders relax as he grabbed a cup of coffee. The main benefit from our spending so many years lying to each other, was that I was really good at it when I had to be.

**YUGI'S POV**

We were sitting on my bed, just talking. It was fun being with someone whose existence was as fractured as my own. Seto was thinking out loud.

"The traits Kaiba and I have in common, are paradoxically the ones I can be sure are uniquely mine… characteristics that are part of the fabric of my being uninfluenced by circumstance or time. I have always been ambitious, unable to rest easily. That need to prove myself has not changed. But I have always wondered if the qualities I value, were as much a part of me as my flaws; if they ran as deep. It is reassuring to know that for all his failings, Kaiba is capable of steadfastness and courage."

"He always was. What about Atemu? Is that another thing you feel the same about?" Kaiba had told me that it wasn't, but I wanted to hear it from Seto.

"That is the way in which we are most different," he said looking at me with that intent blue stare. "I do not desire to have a god in my arms."

And then his lips were on mine.

He gave me the barest second, the shortest measure of time to either draw back or move forward. I opened my mouth, and then I was in his lap, and his hands were tangled in my hair.

I liked his enthusiasm.

I unbuttoned his shirt. He shrugged it off. I stopped, staring at his chest. I could see faintly, old scars reminding me that he had been not just a priest, but a warrior in an ancient world. The other marks – the ones attracting my attention – were newer.

I discounted the bruises from what were clearly his and Kaiba's still-ongoing fights. I was too busy staring at the bite marks on his neck and chest, the gouges as he turned his back.

I recognized them. When I looked at Seto's chest I saw Kaiba. Yami had brought home far fainter versions once, along with his embarrassed apologies, even though none were needed. The marks would only appear when he materialized. Even though we both knew I wouldn't be wearing them, it had never happened again.

Seto followed the direction of my gaze.

"He is my other self," he said quietly but unapologetically.

I swallowed and nodded.

These bites, these scratches by rights belonged to Yami. But while Kaiba had acceded to Yami's wish or demand to leave what he considered to be my skin relatively untouched, Kaiba had needed an outlet; something he could brand as unmistakably his. I looked at Seto and marveled at Kaiba's restraint with Yami; realized how even in the midst of fulfillment he must have felt some piece of Yami slipping through his fingers. I decided to tell Yami to let Kaiba have his head next time. I didn't want the brief time Kaiba and Yami had together to be tainted with longing; and I decided I'd rather see Kaiba's marks on the body that matched my own, than look at them on Seto.

The thought of Kaiba with Yami didn't bother me the way seeing those kisses on Seto's chest did. I knew better now. I wasn't jealous of Yami… maybe because ours was an indissolvable bond, and not – for all the times we had made love – primarily a sexual one.

I looked at Seto's chest. "We are such opposites," I mumbled doubtfully, thinking of Kaiba and wondering how anyone, much less the two people who mattered to me the most, could want the both of us.

Seto looked at me blankly, until he realized that I wasn't talking about him.

"You and Kaiba may seem to be at opposite ends of the spectrum… but maybe you are not as far apart as you believe. What are the things you would die for?"

"Loyalty, family and friendship," I said without a second thought.

"Two out of three isn't bad. It took 3,000 years to move the pharaoh closer to Kaiba, at least in affect, and me closer to you. Perhaps," he said thoughtfully, "It is why the pharaoh and I do not feel desire for each other, any more than you and Kaiba do."

I reached out and touched the bite mark on his chest, just above one nipple. It was as deep as it looked.

I looked at Seto, wondering how alike he and Kaiba were… and what I had gotten myself into.

"Are you wondering if I have the same habit of marking my lovers as if they were my prey?" he grinned. "Possibly it is time to find out…"

I had a moment's doubt before it was erased by the gentleness of his lips. He had been in a sensory-less limbo for 3,000 years. I would have figured he'd be impatient. But he acted like we had all the time in the world, and like there was nothing he'd rather do with it than kiss me. He left my lips to move to my ears, my neck, still at the same slow pace.

I moaned, and tugged at his hair, pushing his head downwards. He resisted long enough to peel off my shirt. Before bending down to me again he paused and said, "The true waste of time would be in not savoring this moment I have been blessed with. I will not lie. I have enough memories to remember the pleasure this brings. But I am here, now, with you – and to be with you is to be truly reborn."

He finally moved further down my body. His breath tickled my stomach as he added, "If all my memories were stripped from me, as long as this one remained, I would be content."

"Don't stop, then," I answered as I slid out of my pants. "Let's make sure this is a memory to beat all the others."

His hands slid down my back. His mouth trailed still lower. In spite of what we were doing, there was a purity to his movements that seemed to belong to another, more ancient world. It was seductive.

Seto might not have wanted a god in his arms, but I certainly didn't mind being treated like one.

- -

_**Thanks to Clarity for editing this chapter.**_

**AUTHOR'S NOTES:** One thing that's always struck me about Kaiba is how visually creative he is. It's as if all his unexpressed feelings come out in his holograms. Pegasus drew the Duel Monsters – but it's Kaiba who truly brings them to life, and makes them move. And it occurred to me that his holographic system is a high tech equivalent to the magic you see the priests use to draw the monsters to life from their stone tablets.

It's funny, but until I was typing in the final editing changes, it didn't occur to me that Yugi and Seto have a totally different idea of 'wasting time' than Yami and Kaiba.


	12. Does Kaiba have a birthday?

**Please let me know what you think. I've always felt (there's poem that said this) that until it's been read, a story is just ink on a page – so I'd like to hear from you.**

* * *

**CH 12: DOES KAIBA HAVE A BIRTHDAY?**

**MOKUBA'S POV**

Now that it was here again, I realized that we'd never really settled into a routine of how to celebrate my brother's birthday. In the past, Gozaburo had thrown a huge party for his business associates. Few kids had been invited, and no one had played. It had been Gozaburo's way of demonstrating that Kaiba Corporation's reign would continue. As far as Nisama was concerned, the parties had been a public stage for their private war. Nisama's 15th birthday had sounded the starting gun for their year long end game; a contest Nisama had won by his 16th; at the cost of Gozaburo's life – and his own. By the following year he'd been in a coma.

Although Nisama went to the office as usual, I knew he wouldn't celebrate at work. He didn't want to remind people how young he was. Not that he didn't plan on having fun, in his own way. He had a meeting scheduled with the computer team on the latest effects for '_Dragonflight.'_ Even though Nisama had gotten what he wanted, as always, I sighed when I thought about the movie deal.

"Doesn't it bother you that New Line picked you for the publicity value?" I asked when he came home. It sure as hell annoyed me.

"Why should it?" he shrugged. "I was the one who suggested it as a selling point."

"They should want you for your designs alone! They should want you because you're the best!"

"What do I care, as long as I'm getting what I want?"

"That's not the point, Nisama!"

He looked at me, puzzled. "But this is what we've worked for – to get to a place where our name carries this kind of weight – not just in gaming but in all entertainment venues. I thought you wanted that too. Why is it bothering you, now that we've finally arrived?"

I was glad when the doorbell interrupted us, even though it just brought another problem.

"Happy Birthday," Atemu said as he walked in the door.

"It's just a number," Nisama shrugged. "It's 731 days off, anyway."

Atemu looked puzzled, but Nisama didn't explain. I stared at him, shocked that he'd said anything at all – even if I was the only one who understood.

I'd never been too sure just how Nisama had managed to get custody of me, when he'd only been 16 himself at the time. I'd never asked, because I didn't want Nisama to think I was worried. And I wasn't worried. I was curious. The only hint Nisama gave that there might be anything irregular about the whole business was the way he kept counting down time until his 20th birthday, when no one could question his right to me. It was usually a good indicator of his mood. After Duelists' Kingdom, I swear he'd kept a running count of the minutes as they'd ticked by. By now, he was down to checking each new day off his calendar at precisely a second after midnight.

Nisama looked at Atemu. "It's only 8:00 PM. What are you doing here?"

"It's your birthday, Kaiba," Atemu repeated gently. "Mokuba invited me over to help celebrate."

Nisama gave me a genuine smile at that, before turning to Atemu and saying, "When do you have to leave?"

"Not until tomorrow morning."

Nisama snorted at that. "Tell Yugi I like his idea of an appropriate birthday present. Remind me to return the favor."

Atemu grinned as though they were sharing a joke. "I'm sure Yugi'll appreciate that. Not to mention Seto."

Oh great – what were they doing now, double dating? It seemed like every time I turned around, things just got more and more fucked-up.

Atemu looked around. I wondered if he was remembering Yugi's birthdays and wondering where the party was. Yugi probably celebrated with a whole bunch of friends. This was just the three of us, and the big surprise was that I'd managed to get the pre-release version of '_Eragon.'_ But my brother associated parties with work, and it wasn't like he had (or wanted) friends. He would have been perfectly satisfied with spending the evening with me. Atemu was icing on the cake.

Which reminded me it was time to go to dinner. It was a simple affair. My brother never ate much at the best of times. Unless he was at the computer he couldn't sit still for very long. Besides, dinner had always been the scene for his and Gozaburo's verbal battles. Tonight I'd arranged for a buffet with all kinds of finger foods, so Nisama could walk and eat at the same time. He only had to sit still for the cake.

"You went to a lot of trouble," Atemu said. "Thank you for inviting me."

"I would have planned it with you," I said, "But you're hard to reach, and I didn't feel like waiting up 'til the middle of the night for a consultation."

Atemu looked puzzled. "If you ever need to reach me, you could leave a message with Yugi."

We settled down to watch '_Eragon'_. I liked watching movies with my brother. It wasn't until I'd gotten old enough to go with my friends (and had friends to go out with) that I'd realized listening to an ongoing commentary on every detail of the special effects wasn't part of the process. Luckily, for the most part, '_Eragon'_ met with Nisama's approval – though it was lots funnier when he trashed the special effects, than when he liked them.

The CGI team for '_Eragon'_ had taken a different approach to dragons. While my brother's beasts soared through the sky as though they owned it, scattering light, with power evident in every stroke of their wings, Saphira flowed, cutting through the air like a fish through water. But beautiful as she was, my brother's rough takes knocked her right out of the sky. It was the best of all possible worlds.

I hadn't been surprised that the studio had been eager to rush over anything I asked for. Nisama'd sent them a 'rough' treatment of the dragons for '_Dragonflight.'_ (Of course, his rough drafts were more polished that most people's final versions.) The director and producers had flown out to talk to him before live-action filming began. He'd also shown them his latest project, although strictly speaking it wasn't part of the movie. According to the contract they'd signed, the video and computer games Nisama designed would be distributed through New Line and its subsidiaries. But Nisama had retained the rights to all theme park and virtual reality games derived from the movie. What Nisama had designed wasn't a game, but a way to keep kids at KaibaLand entertained while they waited for their turn on the rides.

He'd shown me the prototype. As we stepped on the computer lab platform meant to approximate the speed and height of KaibaLand's escalators, Nisama's turned on the program. The deadly, twisting, hissing threads began to fall from the sky, looking like striking snakes. Then the dragons came in a swirling mass of bronze and green and blue. Orange and yellow flames darted from their mouths, incinerating the threads in mid-air. As the platform rose, we joined the battle. Up close you could see how powerful the dragons were, hear the thunder of the flap of their wings, feel the rush of air as they streaked around us. It was hard to believe they weren't as solid as Nisama and me.

I wasn't surprised that the New Line suits had returned speechless from the experience. That's when I'd asked them for the pre-release version of '_Eragon'_ for Nisama's birthday. I'd gotten it the next day.

"What do you want to do?" Nisama asked Atemu and me when the movie was over.

"I've never been on your Blue Eyes White Dragon roller-coaster," Atemu said.

"Of course you have," I pointed out. "Dozens of times."

Atemu surprised me by flushing slightly. "Yugi has," he corrected. "He loves it. I've shared in the experience, of course. But I've never gone on it by myself."

"I haven't been on either. Not since the test runs ended," Nisama said.

"Why not? It's considered your best ride."

"The fun was in designing it and seeing it in action. What's the point of riding it? You only end up right back where you started."

Atemu smirked. "Then even though it runs on a track, it seems that this will be a new experience for you as well."

Nisama nodded. "Okay. When we get back though, I'd like to show you something I've been working on."

I stared at Nisama. The words were almost the same as the ones he'd thrown at the New Line execs. But the tone was different. It was almost shy. It said that Nisama didn't just want to show his dragons to Atemu, he wanted to share them. I realized something. This was the first time he'd ever come up with something he wanted to do for his birthday.

"Look guys," I said. "I'll make the arrangements with KaibaLand. Why don't you go off on your own. We've already done the cake thing."

Nisama looked at me, puzzled.

"How often do you two get an evening all to yourselves?" I asked.

Nisama was still looking at me like I was speaking a foreign language. I smiled as I walked them to the door. I still had my doubts, and plenty of them – but for tonight, I could be as generous as Yugi.

"Thank you," Atemu said. "This seems fated to be a night for new experiences."

I closed the door behind them. My brother was going on his first date – and he was going to spend it showing holograms to a ghost. I didn't know whether to laugh or punch the door they'd just walked out of.

**YUGI'S POV**

"C'mon, I'll walk you home," I offered.

Seto hesitated. "I'd love your company," he said, "But it's probably better if I go home alone. Mokuba is having some trouble adjusting to the whole situation, and I don't want to make things any harder on him than they already are."

At Seto's words, I realized that I hadn't seen much of Mokuba lately, and the few times I'd run into him, he'd been distinctly unfriendly. I looked at Seto, puzzled.

He shrugged. "It's an unusual situation, even for him; and he's making it worse because he doesn't want Kaiba to know he's upset." Seto shook his head. "I've never seen anything like those two. They'd literally die for each other -- and both of them know it -- and then they spend all their time trying to hide what they're feeling from each other."

It was only after we parted that I realized Seto had managed to get out of telling me what was bugging Mokuba.

Mokuba's school wasn't that far from ours. I went at lunchtime.

Mokuba spotted me instantly. He deliberately turned his back and walked away.

"Mokuba, wait up. I want to talk to you," I called.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, his voice hostile. "If my brother's going to give up quality time just so you can get it on with his look-alike, the least you can do is be there when he shows up."

"Seto and your brother came up with that schedule before I even met him," I protested.

"Well, you're sure not complaining about the way it worked out. I guess you just lucked out like usual. I don't know why I'm bothering with you. You're just a shell for the other one, anyway."

"Mokuba, what's going on?"

"What the fuck are you doing here? This isn't your school. It's the only place where I don't have to deal with any of you."

"Seto said you were upset," I answered awkwardly. "I thought maybe I could help…"

"Haven't you 'helped' enough? You and that bastard you hide behind. Anyway, this isn't Seto's business or yours."

**MOKUBA'S POV**

"This may not be their business, but I think you'll agree, it seems to be mine," said Atemu (or whatever stupid name he was using these days.)

"I was wondering when you'd show up. You're so predictable, it's pathetic, Atemu," I sneered. "In case you were sleeping, Yugi was the one who barged in on me."

"Only because he was worried. You had no right to lash out at him in my place."

"It's always poor Yugi with you, isn't it? In case you've forgotten, my brother's the one you're screwing every night."

He frowned. "You should not speak of your brother so disrespectfully."

"Who are you fooling? Don't try to pretend you think of my brother as anything but your fuck-toy."

Atemu had the nerve to look shocked and offended.

"You can not possibly believe that," he said.

"What am I supposed to think? You come over at two o'clock in the fucking morning. You two probably never even get out of bed!" I hissed at him. I wanted to scream, but that would have meant spreading Nisama's business all over my school-yard, and I had enough control not to do that. Barely. People could tell I was mad; it was keeping them at a distance – but everyone figured it was just a normal school yard beef.

"I respect and care for your brother! I always have. You know this to be true."

"Bullshit! If you cared, you'd want to be with him during the day, instead of sneaking around at night. You'd want to spend more time with him than it takes to get your rocks off!"

"Mokuba, my time is not my own. Nor is my body. But I love your brother with everything in me."

"Shut up!" I yelled. I wished I was young enough to hold my hands over my ears and yell '_I'm not listening,'_ like the first graders sometimes did. I knew how persuasive Atemu could be, and I didn't want to give him a chance to convince me that black was white.

"Mokuba, listen…" he started to say.

I grinned triumphantly as the bell rang, giving me the perfect excuse to run inside.

* * *

_**Thanks to Clarity for editing this chapter.**_

**REVIEW NOTE:** I reply to all signed reviews or reviews that have an email address directly. I reply to all unsigned reviews and post a summary of all replies on my LJ. The link is the first one on my Biopage. I generally post replies there when I update the next chapter.

**AUTHOR'S NOTES:** I never can quite see Kaiba celebrating his birthday doing any of the typical things. I mean he doesn't really have (or show any signs of wanting) a bunch of friends to party with – and it occurred to me that the 'social' events you see him attending are all business related. Also given the fact that when people (like the Big 5) try to take over Kaiba Corporation, they usually throw his youth in his face, he probably wouldn't want to draw attention to it. But this is one of those times where I think what Mokuba wants for Kaiba, might be different from what he wants for himself, which is, admittedly, a pattern that repeats itself in this story.

Along those lines, I can see Mokuba being supportive of the idea of his brother being in a relationship, but I wanted to look at what might happen if the relationship Kaiba wants isn't one that Mokuba thinks is in his best interests.


	13. Where would a Yugioh story be without so

**Please let me know what you think. I've always felt (there's poem that said this) that until it's been read, a story is just ink on a page – so I'd like to hear from you.**

* * *

**CHAPTER 13: WHERE WOULD A YUGIOH STORY BE WITHOUT SOME ANGST?**

**YAMI'S POV**

If I could blame what happened next on any one thing, it would be on my desire to get Kaiba out of the house. I could have happily spent our brief time together never leaving his bed. Kaiba would have agreed. He was content, and characteristically was guarding this emotion as fiercely as he did all else, and in the same way – by hugging it to him.

His brother was another, more troubling matter. I hated the thought that our relationship made Mokuba unhappy, especially since he clearly preferred living with his doubts to forcing his brother to choose between us – a contest Mokuba had to know he would win. I didn't interfere. This was Mokuba's puzzle to unravel, and I would not take it out of his hands. Besides, I was arrogantly sure that time would prove him wrong. And I was unwilling to risk what Kaiba and I had found to appease what I ironically thought of as his childish fears.

And it was, I suppose, one more bond between Kaiba and I. We both accepted that our relationship was carved out amid conflicting loyalties.

On the surface, Mokuba's accusations had seemed as ludicrous as they were unexpected. But I knew Kaiba too well to dismiss them out of hand. I began to fear that Mokuba was right – that Kaiba thought sex was all that I wanted, that Kaiba thought it was all he was good for. I could not let that bitter assumption stand. And Kaiba refused to discuss the matter. For him, any questions came under the category of 'shaking things up.'

Ironically, I did not want to be his latest means of hurting himself.

So before we made love, or afterwards, we would walk his grounds or swim in his pool. Eventually we took to the empty streets of Domino. They were quiet, almost unfamiliar in the darkness. We could talk.

We were crossing the boulevard leading to the city park, when the car came speeding around the corner. All I could see was the headlights. They were that big and bright. All I could feel was Kaiba's hands as he tried to push me out of the way.

I couldn't accept his gift; I couldn't accept his sacrifice. Without thought, determined only to share his fate whatever it was, I twisted, launched myself at him, somehow finding the strength to push us both clear.

I watched in stunned disbelief as the wheels of the car passed an inch from the heels of my boots. I looked at Kaiba, lying beneath me on the city street.

"You could have been killed," I said. Then, I started kissing him as if breathing life into his delightfully warm, alive body.

We staggered to our feet. I dragged him to the entrance of the park. He let me pull him inside, then let me push him down in the grass just under the stone wall. I needed to prove it was a living lover in my arms.

And we'd never been gentle.

But we'd never been this fierce either. I was biting as well as kissing, as if I needed to draw some of the blood that had not been spilled. I fumbled at our belts, not bothering with the shirts above them. Kaiba matched me as he always did. He yanked down his pants, then mine. We rolled across the grass, our moves much closer to fighting than foreplay, although I was feeling exultation, not anger. I don't know if Kaiba was reacting, as I was, to our escape, or if it was simply that my mood had ignited his – and Kaiba never needed much urging to release the wildness in his nature.

All I wanted was the feel of him under me, surrounding me… each groan, each writing movement convincing me he was gloriously alive. My need was as instinctive as the one that had led me to push him out of the way of that car; it was a need as mindless, and as raw.

I lay on top of him afterwards. "You could have been killed," I repeated.

"So could you," he answered.

I stared at him, aware of how horribly wrong he was; suddenly stunned by the enormity of my actions. I couldn't be killed. Not really. Because I wasn't alive in the first place. No matter how real Kaiba made me feel, I was a spirit in a puzzle. Yugi was the one who almost died, not me. In my blind need to save Kaiba, I had almost killed him. Worse, it had been instinctive. As long as I was with Kaiba, there was no way I could promise myself that it would never happen again.

I looked down at Kaiba, pale skin shining on the grass, aghast. I was Yugi's guardian. How could I have forgotten my obligation to my partner... even for an instant, even for my lover?

"This is Yugi's body, not mine," I said. "How could I have done this? I could have killed him through my own selfishness, without even stopping to think about what I was doing. This can never happen again, Kaiba. I can't risk it…"

I dressed as quickly as possible. Kaiba was as silent as I. I leaned over to him… kissed him, fiercely, passionately, as though we were still making love. Then I left. I knew he understood… if there was one thing Kaiba accepted unhesitatingly, it was responsibility, and the choices it can force you to make.

But I didn't want to see his face.

**KAIBA'S POV**

I'd known from the beginning that this day would come… the day when it would suddenly be over. I was glad that Seto was asleep, or at least temporarily unaware. I had enough voices in my head without his being added to the medley.

Mostly Gozaburo's.

'_Anyone stupid enough to trust deserves to be betrayed.'_

Gozaburo hadn't been totally right, of course. There was Mokuba. But I had been foolish enough to believe that I'd found a second exception to that rule.

I thought of all the times Atemu had tried to tell me he cared, the times I had stopped him because I didn't want to hear words that I'd either have to accept or reject; because I didn't want words to intrude on what I'd always known was a fragile idyll, as if they would shatter it before its end.

I wondered if Atemu realized his stillborn words were a lie.

Not totally, of course. Nothing is ever absolute.

I understood what had happened. Atemu had been forced to chose between me and Yugi. He couldn't accept that for that one unthinking instant, he had picked me. I knew all about those instants that you wish you could take back, those wrong choices that follow you like ghosts down a lonely road. I didn't feel blame. What I felt was even more familiar.

Loss.

I got changed, mechanically. It was time to go to work. It was time to go see that Mokuba was eating breakfast. It was time for Seto to awaken.

It was time for my life to resume.

**MOKUBA'S POV**

I'd known from the beginning that this day would come. That I'd walk into the kitchen one morning to find my brother there before me; face carefully neutral; that ghost of a smile gone as if it had never been there. I hadn't wanted Nisama to be with Atemu in the first place. But I'd never wanted him to look like this.

I'd known something else, too – when that day came, Nisama wasn't going to tell me anything.

"What's happened?" I asked anyway.

"Nothing important."

"Nisama, please… did you and Atemu have a fight?"

A fight wouldn't be so bad. Actually considering their pride, their tempers and their ongoing rivalry, I was surprised I'd never heard them fight before. Besides a fight could be put right.

"A fight? No," Nisama said, as he left the room.

Of course it would be Seto that came back in a little while later, and tried to explain. I couldn't believe after everything that had happened, they were still keeping to the latest revision in their schedule.

"Yami could not have done anything other than what he did," Seto said, after he told me the news. "The Millennium Items draw their strength from the wishes of their keepers' hearts. Yugi longed for a friend. He needed a defender. Yami must respond to that. It has become woven into the fabric of his being. He should not have been able to fall so deeply in love with your brother that he would forget all else, even Yugi, at the sight of Kaiba in danger."

"Stop making excuses for him!" I screamed.

"I'm not."

"Bullshit. Isn't he your pharaoh? Doesn't that mean you owe him your loyalty? Him and Yugi are the ones you care about – not my brother. Nisama's just a means to and end for you!"

"No. He's more. You must try to understand, Mokuba. I took and oath to serve my pharaoh, to obey his commands. I must be true to that or I am nothing. Then I fell in love with his host, with Yugi, and no revelation has been more precious. But your brother is inseparably a part of me now, and I of him. That carries its own obligations, and they are just as deep and as binding. I know the conflicts my pharaoh is feeling. They are my own."

"If you're trying to convince me you're here in answer to Nisama's prayers… that you're his guardian angel or something… great job you've been doing so far," I sneered. Did he expect me to give up my anger so easily?

"Do you honestly think your brother would have wished for protection? _This_ is what he wanted," Seto said.

"Nisama wanted the one person who's ever managed to get through to him to prove to him all over again that he's just some toy to be tossed aside, that he's something to be sacrificed as if it was some kind of fucking law?" I demanded furiously, afraid that Seto was right, and this was indeed my brother's desire.

"No," he answered quickly. "But you will not like the truth any better. What Kaiba wants is the pharaoh… with every fiber of his being. There are no terms or conditions or limitations on his feelings."

"There never are. And in case you haven't noticed, my brother has a habit of wanting things that are going to wind up hurting him in the end."

"I am not one of those things. The pharaoh did not mean to be one, either."

"Yeah right… like you're being with Yugi isn't going to hurt Nisama, now that this has happened. Dream on, High Priest."

"Of course it would. Your brother gave his permission. But there is no wall I could build that would keep him from being hurt; and each time I saw Yugi, a piece of Kaiba would bleed. I could not do that without losing a part of myself as well. Which is why my only meeting with Yugi will be to say farewell."

**SETO'S POV**

I didn't go to school, because the last thing I wanted was to be forced to sit somewhere staring at Yugi for 2 ½ hours, but be unable to talk to him. Actually, I didn't really want to see Yugi at all, because that would make it final, but this could only be said in person and I couldn't shirk so important an obligation. Yugi lifted his head at the sound of my footsteps. His face was set. Seen this way, the resemblance to my pharaoh was pronounced.

"Atemu told me what happened – eventually," Yugi said. "At first, all he would tell me was that in his greed to have more than his due, he betrayed me – and he feared I would be the one to suffer the consequences. Those were his exact words. Finally he told me enough that I could figure out the rest."

I wondered if the pharaoh had mentioned (even to his host) that his first response to the near-accident had been to make love to Kaiba with a passion that had left my almost-twin more stunned than by any mere brush with death.

"Kaiba would have let us continue," I answered. It was important for Yugi to know this. (I didn't mention that Kaiba's actual words were: 'What the fuck, one of us might as well get his rocks off.' No matter how graceless the expression, the intent was generous.)

"It was good of him to offer. But we can't accept," Yugi said instantly.

I nodded. "I can not be the means of deepening his loss."

"Atemu will be upset. He was hoping that at least you and I would continue. I don't think he understands. We're all a part of each other, and I can't just go on with my life, if it means ignoring his. I'm sorry."

"Don't be," I said gently. "I don't want your regrets added to my own. I have been a soldier. I have been a High Priest. Devotion, I understand. Duty, as well. Love, romantic love, has simply had no place in my life… until now."

"No more than for Yami… or Kaiba for that matter," Yugi said.

"Perhaps that is why we are all so bad at it… like a language we can speak only haltingly. But I thank you for teaching me the little I know."

"I don't think you're bad at it – any of you," Yugi said. "You just need to practice more – all of you."

I could not resist the urge to smile, (Yugi always made me feel the simple joy of being alive.) although I refrained from gathering him into my arms.

My message was delivered, and I took my leave.

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_**Thanks to Clarity for editing this chapter.**_

**REVIEW NOTE:** I reply to all signed reviews or reviews that have an email address directly. I reply to all unsigned reviews and post a summary of all replies on my LJ. The link is the first one on my Biopage. I generally post replies there when I update the next chapter.

**AUTHOR'S NOTES:** I was originally going to title the chapter, '_Where would a Yugioh story be without a car crash?'_ but I decided that gave away too much of the contents, and besides, there wasn't really a car crash – except metaphorically.

As a corollary to Kaiba's experiment with the glass – if something is inherently unstable, it will eventually get shaken up. Anyway, disclaimer aside, in Yugioh, Yami is Yugi's defender – and even finding his own identity takes second place. In fact, Yugi is the one who constantly encourages and helps him on that quest, even knowing the possible price. I don't think that need to put Yugi first would change – even if he was exploring a relationship. I think eventually this would set up an inevitable conflict, especially when you add Mokuba's unwillingness to accept Kaiba's definition of what makes him happy to the mix.

I can see Seto being more matter-of-fact about needing and accepting time for himself. Part of that goes back to the differing attitudes towards the God Cards shown by Yugi and Yami as compared to Kaiba. (Yeah, I know, all kinds of odd things collide in my head!) Anyway, Yami and Yugi are clearly uncomfortable with winning the card, and hesitate before putting it in their deck, even though it would clearly be useful. This isn't just in the duel on the pier where they are following Malik's instructions because they're worried about Jounouchi's and Anzu's safety, but in their earlier duels with Lumos and Umbra – where there was no reason not to include it. In contrast, when given a powerful card, Kaiba immediately accepts it; his main concern is how to test its powers and use it most effectively. Now that I think of it, this might be a connection that exists only in my head…

And I have to ask: am I the only one that thinks it's appropriate that this ended up being Chapter 13?


	14. Partners with Benefits

**_Please let me know what you think. I've always felt (there's poem that said this) that until it's been read, a story is just ink on a page – so I'd like to hear from you._**

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**CHAPTER 14: PARTNERS WITH BENEFITS **

**SETO'S POV **

For the first time in my life, for the first time in this strange existence, I felt truly isolated. It wasn't that Kaiba avoided me. He didn't. He acknowledged my presence; he was even polite (for him.) But he had closed down so far that I couldn't reach him, even though I was living inside his body. I didn't know anyone could go so far away and still inhabit the earth.

I was worried and there wasn't anyone I could talk to. Besides Kaiba himself, only three people knew of my existence. And Mokuba's face darkened every time he saw me, my pharaoh was unavailable, and I would not go to Yugi. For the first time, I felt trapped.

Kaiba grunted hello. It was almost time for us to switch. But I didn't want freedom of action – not when there was no course of action for me to take. I wanted to talk, to try once again to reach him.

"You don't have to pretend you're unaffected. It is pointless to do so before me in any case," I told him.

Kaiba shrugged, but came into our soul room, for the first time since his break with the pharaoh. "It's not like I ever believed in permanence," he said.

"Sometimes the things we wish for are not things we believe in, but things we desperately need to be true."

"Do I look 'desperate' to you?" he sneered.

"You look like you are in a place far beyond desperation. I told you when we met that you have more of the pharaoh's regard than any mortal could expect to hold. Despite what has happened, that has not changed."

Kaiba shrugged again. "You're not telling me anything I don't know. But Yugi is Atemu's responsibility. I'm not. It's that simple."

"You're wrong. Your happiness became his responsibility on the night you made love for the first time."

"We didn't make love. We had sex," Kaiba corrected.

"Which one of us are you lying to?" I asked. Kaiba didn't answer, and I didn't press the point. "That you do not wish to confide in me, I understand," I continued. But, for all that I reside in your body, Mokuba is in your heart. Why are you equally reticent with him?"

"I don't want him worrying about things he can't change."

I wanted to ask if he truly believed Mokuba ignorant, but Kaiba distracted me by saying, "You're right – we're not exactly soul mates – at least, not like Atemu and Yugi. Does that disappoint you?"

I thought about it for a moment, then shook my head. "I never wished for a closer acquaintance with myself."

Kaiba gave a snort of laughter at that.

"We _are_ soul mates in our own fashion. We are a part of each other and I would never harm you or wish you ill. I swear it. But I think you already know this," I said.

Kaiba nodded. "Nor I, you," he answered. "Atemu had to put Yugi first. If I'd put Mokuba in danger because of Atemu – do you think I'd have made a different decision?" he added, as if continuing an ongoing debate. "If there's anyone who gets what happened and why – it's me."

"But…" I prompted.

"It doesn't matter. It's over. He didn't even look back."

That seemed like a strange abdication to me as well. I would have expected the pharaoh to contact Kaiba at least to apologize. I looked at Kaiba's downcast face. I reached out to touch Kaiba, wondering if he would fight me off. He didn't.

I kissed him lightly, friendship as well as invitation in the gesture.

"You expect me to settle for banging myself?" he asked.

"This isn't about settling. It's about solace… and I think there's no shame in that for either of us."

**YAMI'S POV**

I couldn't believe how badly I'd managed things in such a short time. And it was hard apologizing to Yugi for doing what had to be done to protect him – when the first thing he said was that I'd done the right thing by risking his life in the first place.

"You didn't just save Kaiba," Yugi pointed out. "You saved Seto, too. Don't you think that is what I would've wanted?"

"But I didn't do if for you. I didn't even think about you. I forgot everything but him. Don't you see? I put his needs ahead of yours."

"And now you're punishing him for it," Yugi said quietly.

"Or myself. I should never have let it get this far; have gotten this involved."

"How could you avoid falling in love, and why on earth would you want to? Besides, you've risked our lives in duels over and over. How is this different?"

I looked at Yugi, at the tears running down his face. My one comfort had been in the thought that I was saving him. But now all I could see was the heartache I'd caused.

"This doesn't mean that you and Seto…" I started.

"Of course it does! Do you think we could just go on like nothing had happened? Do you think that either of us are that cold-hearted?

"I'm sorry," I said, knowing the words were inadequate.

"It's not your fault. Maybe I pushed you into being your own person before you were ready," Yugi said.

"No! I wanted the chance to experience what I could of life. And I'm grateful. My only regret is that I handled everything so poorly. Sometimes I wish you had never assembled that damn puzzle. All I have done is ruin lives… Kaiba's… yours…"

"What are you talking about?" Yugi asked. "You haven't ruined my life. And Kaiba's was a train-wreck long before you had arrived on the scene."

"You should be with people… real flesh and blood people – not wrapped up with shadows like Seto and myself. Mokuba was right. I should never have allowed it."

"You couldn't have stopped it. And Mokuba was wrong. Who is he to decide how Kaiba should be happy? Who are you to tell me? Who made the two of you the happiness police around here? If you're so certain it's my life – why are you trying to tell me how to live it?"

I thought about what Yugi had said. He was right. We _had_ been happy. It wasn't what Mokuba wanted for Kaiba, or even what I wanted for Yugi – but the joy had been real. I shouldn't have treated it so cavalierly.

"It seems there are no end to my mistakes," I confessed. "I didn't value my life enough, and in so doing, put everyone's happiness in jeopardy."

Yugi sighed with relief. "The you haven't done anything that can't be fixed."

"It's not so easy," I said.

"Why not? You still want him. He still wants you. Sounds simple enough to me."

"What I did can't be undone."

"How do you know?" Yugi asked.

I signed. For once, Yugi's optimism failed to cheer me. "How can I promise not to hurt him again? How can I promise to be different from who I am?" I asked.

"Are you sure he wants someone different?"

"I don't know. I never asked, and he never said."

"Maybe you should. At least think about it," Yugi said.

I thought of little else. Kaiba had asked me for nothing, and I had failed to provide more than that. Part of me agreed with Mokuba; Kaiba deserved more. And yet, what he had wanted was me. And our time together had been precious; it had been real. It had been tense and intense and sweaty, full of awkward moments and unspoken words. It had been as close to life and love as I could come. And I did not want to let it go so easily.

I thought about the past week. If it happened again I would still try to save Kaiba. I would still feel as confused and guilty over my actions. But I would never abandon him again; I would never live up to his doubts instead of his hopes. I didn't know if Kaiba could accept that – if he would accept me. He was not a man to easily excuse frailty. If I went to Kaiba, it would be as a supplicant, asking for trust unearned.

I wasn't sure which prospect was the more unsettling: hearing from Kaiba's own mouth how much he hated me, or hearing that he wanted me still. But one thing was clear: I had done Kaiba a wrong. If nothing else, I owed him the chance to hurl recriminations at my head.

But making amends had proved impossible. Yugi's emails were returned unopened, my calls to his cell phone had been blocked, and his staff had been instructed not to accept my calls. I was not surprised. I knew how implacable Kaiba's resentment could be. And it was a just punishment – to lose what I had only truly learned to value in its absence.

I was surprised that the first Kaiba I heard from was Mokuba. He'd sent a terse email to me through Yugi, saying it was time to 'settle' things. He was sending Seto with the limousine so that we could talk. I had to promise not to try to see Kaiba. Remembering Mokuba's anger, I wasn't sure what was going on, but if I could help resolve things, or give either Kaiba brother some peace of mind, I was game.

Seto was alone in the back of the limousine.

"Do you have any idea what's going on?" I asked.

He shook his head. "This is Mokuba's party, not mine. I'm just along for the ride." Seto gave me a ghost of a smile. "Whatever he's got planned, it's important to him, and I want to help if I can. I'm worried about Mokuba. He's been… odd, lately. Seeing how his brother is really shook him up. So if he's got a plan, I'm willing to give it a shot – even if he doesn't trust me enough to tell me what it is."

"How is Kaiba?" I asked.

"Functional, if that's what you're asking. His movie project is proceeding on schedule. As for the rest… at least, I finally got him to sleep."

I tried to suppress a twinge of annoyance at how he had probably managed that. I'd never been jealous before. But I'd never been unable to touch Kaiba myself before, either.

"Do you blame me?" I asked.

Seto winced, then said as though fighting to get the words out," To do so would be disloyal. You are my pharaoh, chosen by the gods. Your decisions are above my censure."

"Please," I said.

He shrugged. The gesture reminded me of Kaiba. "I don't know," he said.

"I don't know either," I answered. "I only know that I am ready to begin anew, if Kaiba is willing." I sighed. "Though I doubt Kaiba is a man who believes in second chances."

Seto snorted. "He should, considering the number of fresh starts he's used up, himself."

"I guess I shouldn't have expected living to come as naturally as gaming," I said.

"You may not remember our world, but you were shaped by it, nonetheless… as was I. Roles and responsibilities were more clearly defined there. This world is as fluid and as divided as our own existence within its unfamiliar confines."

"And yet, for all my failures, and for all the ambiguities and constraints surrounding this existence, it has its attractions," I mused.

Seto nodded again, but he now looked distracted. I raised an eyebrow in inquiry.

"When he's sleeping this deeply, I have to listen for his nightmares," he explained.

"Nightmares?" I asked.

Seto nodded. "There's not much I can do, but at least I can bear witness so he knows he's not alone."

"He's let you into his soul room?" I asked, annoyed at my own reaction. Everything was making me jealous. Having renounced all right to Kaiba did not make me want him any the less.

Seto's lips twitched. "Only the anteroom. And it's empty and unrevealing except for his nightmares. We have agreed to let each other's soul rooms remain undisturbed. You possibly have more idea of what's truly inside, than I."

"Not as much as I would wish for," I answered.

Seto grimaced, and put a hand up to his head, as if to shut out the sounds of screams reverberating in his ears.

"Why aren't you in there, helping him?" I asked sharply.

"Because it's the nightmare you gave him, the one where he's being killed by Duel Monsters. Boy, is that one a work of art. What the hell did you do that for? Never mind," he held up his hand to stop me. "I'm sure he deserved it."

"You haven't answered my question." I growled.

"And you haven't been listening," he said. "It's the nightmare _you_ gave him. He never had it until you broke up with him. He always dreamed about Mokuba. Now he dreams this one over and over. Do you think I didn't try to help? The first time it happened, I rushed in there. I tried to defend him – to kill all of those monsters you sent him – and he turned around and attacked me. He was fighting like a madman to protect your monsters even as they were tearing him apart and devouring the pieces. I got out before I did any real damage. The truth is, pharaoh – that nightmare is all he has left of you, and he's going to hold on to it with everything in him. You're the only one that can banish it."

"I can't even see him. I promised Mokuba not to try."

"If you order me, I will get him. You are still my pharaoh. I still owe you my obedience."

"No. I've broken enough promises. Yugi told me to have faith. It's time I listened. I'll wait."

Seto smiled. "He'll be all right. A few nightmares won't kill him. Believe me, I know. And warped as it is – he finds this one comforting. He usually sleeps pretty soundly afterwards – just like when you were making love."

* * *

_**Thanks to Clarity for editing this chapter.**_

**REVIEW NOTE:** I reply to all signed reviews or reviews that have an email address directly. I reply to all unsigned reviews and post a summary of all replies on my LJ. The link is the first one on my Biopage. I generally post replies there when I update the next chapter.

**AUTHOR'S NOTES:** I think Yugi's on the right track here: there's a big gap between what Yami wanted and what he was ready to handle. But I think the idea that Yami might not be ready to be on his own runs all through Yugioh. When Yugi sort of shoves Yami into a 'date' with Anzu, Yami is noticeably uncomfortable – not just because of the situation and because he knows that Yugi is the one who wants to date Anzu – but also because he isn't used to being on his own without having a duel to focus on. It's clear he's a bit ill at ease and unsure what to do – until they go to a card store and he's on familiar ground.

At DOMA when Yugi's soul gets sealed in stone, Yami is almost catatonic. A lot of his reaction is grief and guilt – but what steadies him is having a mission – to defeat DOMA and rescue Yugi. I think having a mission sort of helps him get his bearings because it gives him a clearly defined role to play and a plan of action to carry out.

**_And most of all, Happy Holidays!_**


	15. The NotSoBest Laid Plans

**Please let me know what you think. I've always felt (there's poem that said this) that until it's been read, a story is just ink on a page – so I'd like to hear from you.**

**

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**_AUTHOR'S NOTE: This chapter takes place directly after Chapter 14._**

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**CHAPTER 15: THE NOT-SO-BEST LAID PLANS**

**YAMI'S POV**

Seto led the way to a small conference room on the ground floor. The last time I'd been there, Kaiba had just been finishing a video conference with his movie partners. I'd waited by the door until he'd signed off. We'd ended up making love on the couch by the window. Today, Seto and I joined Mokuba by the small round table Kaiba had used for his conference.

"How's Kaiba? Is he all right?" I asked

"My brother's not your business," Mokuba said, voice and face hard.

"No, but he should have been," I answered.

"Save it, Yami. If you think I'm letting you get a second shot at Nisama any time soon, you're nuts."

"Then why did you ask to see me?"

"You're here about Yugi and Seto. This wasn't their fault. I don't have anything against them. And that's all you really care about, how Yugi feels about this – not my brother, right? It's obvious, so why don't you just admit it?"

"I care about Yugi, but he's not the only person who's important to me. I should not have acted as though he was. Despite everything, I love your brother, and I should never have left, no matter how confused and doubtful and guilty I was. I admit that freely. It would give me some comfort if Yugi and Seto had continued despite my mistakes. I admit that as well. But Yugi and Seto have made their own decisions. I can't force them to go against their principles."

Mokuba grinned. "Can't you? Seto's always going on about how he swore an oath to obey you. You'd only be ordering him to do what you know he wants. And Yugi would come around."

I stared at Mokuba, shocked. And yet his words had a cold hard logic to them that reminded me of his brother.

It wasn't the solution I wanted, but it was a solution of sorts. It would secure Seto and Yugi's happiness, and ease the guilt I felt every time I looked at my aibou. And if Kaiba and I were destined to remain apart, at least the bodies we shared would be together. It might even help in some way. Even Kaiba himself had felt that we communicated better when we did not speak.

"I am your pharaoh. You are bound to serve me," I said slowly to Seto, turning the idea over in my head.

"Yes," Seto answered.

"Then it's settled," Mokuba said, smiling.

I took a deep breath and released it. Maybe this was for the best.

"I order you to…" My voice trailed off. I looked at Seto. For a man about to be commanded to accept his deepest desire, he didn't look happy. His face was composed, resigned. It was familiar. It was the face of a soldier awaiting the order sending him into a battle from which he does not expect to return.

Kaiba had once told me that he'd had a flashback of his dragon, and of Seto's life, when dueling Isis. We'd shared another vision of the past at Alcatraz. 'Hallucinations,' Kaiba had termed them, and in so naming, he'd dismissed them.

Hallucination or message – I was having one now. I had a vision of the Blue Eyes White Dragon. Not my High Priest's ancient monster, entombed in stone, nor Kaiba's Ultimate Dragon. Instead, I saw Sugoroku's dragon, the dragon Kaiba had stolen. I watched as the proud monster vanished once again in a cloud of smoke, just as it had at the first Shadow Game I had played with Kaiba. Torn, once again, between conflicting loyalties… still unable to do anything but die.

I stopped, like a duelist calling back an attack before it has begun.

'_What are you trying to tell me?'_ I asked it, before realizing the answer.

Last week, I hadn't talked to Kaiba or Yugi or Seto. I had made what was possibly an irrevocable decision involving all of us without them. I had been wrong and now we were all paying the price of my arrogance. I was done playing games with our lives. I turned to Mokuba again.

"Why did you just do that? What were you thinking?" I demanded.

"That you'd take the bait and tell Seto it was okay – even though you had to know how much that would hurt my brother. Then Nisama would find out just what a bastard you are – that you don't give a shit about him. Maybe then he could forget all about you and find a real person."

"And what if I didn't confirm your worst fears? How could you think this charade would help?"

"Either way, I'd know how you felt about my brother. At least it'd be settled."

"You could have just asked me!" I roared.

Mokuba shrugged. "What would be the point of that, if I couldn't trust the answer?"

"Did it occur to you that if I ordered Seto, and he tried to obey, the strain of trying to comply with two opposing imperatives might very well have destroyed him?"

"Don't be ridiculous. People can survive a lot more than that," Mokuba said, but he sounded a little uncertain for the first time.

"You had no right to hazard his life this way!" I said, trying to make him see how wrong he was.

"He kept saying he wanted to help, that he wanted to be of use. Well, I used him. He's been acting like some kind of knight. So if you're asking, was I willing to risk sacrificing what was supposedly my knight to discover the truth about the opposing king… the answer is _yes_! It was an acceptable trade. I learned to play from the best."

He scowled at the blank looks on our faces.

"Chess, you idiots. Shit… you both claim to love my brother, and neither of you knows the first thing about his game."

"I can learn," I said. "There is no game I can not master. But, your strategy had a flaw in it. Kaiba and I are not on opposite sides."

Mokuba ignored me. He looked at Seto instead, as if my words had taken this long to finally sink in.

"Something like that couldn't really kill you!" Mokuba said to Seto. It was a challenge, but there was a note of pleading in it as well.

"I don't know if I could have retained my grip on this tenuous existence, if I was torn between obeying my pharaoh's commands and sparing your brother so much pain. I am glad I did not have to put my life to the test."

"Would you really have risked dying just for my brother?" Mokuba demanded.

"Yes, I swear it."

"Why didn't you try to stop me?" I asked Seto.

"You are still my pharaoh. You may not remember, but I do not forget – you were created by the gods. And I chose, as I have always chosen, to believe in you. I trusted you to see into our hearts, to see into your own, just as you did when you saved Kaiba's life. For the rest…" he shrugged and turned to Mokuba. "It is not the lesson you wished to teach your brother, Mokuba – but it is time both of you learned there are others who wish you well."

Mokuba hung his head, but didn't answer.

"Understand this, Mokuba," I said sternly, "Just because Seto was willing to risk his life, even though you did not trust him enough to ask him – that does not absolve you. If I had destroyed Seto, I would be forced to share a life with Yugi, knowing every day that I deprived him of his lover. I suppose it would have been a fitting punishment. But it would have hurt the innocent along with the guilty. Don't you think that's a poor way to repay your brother – to use, even in his defense, the tactics he abandoned, to surrender so easily to the same darkness he rejected at such cost?"

Mokuba's face crumpled at that. I was reminded he was only thirteen.

"If there is one thing this experience has taught me, it's that you can't make decisions for other people, even for the people you love," I said more gently. "You've learned something else as well… that your brother does indeed have people in his life who care for him. Does that make you happy or the reverse?"

"I suppose you want to see him," Mokuba said in a subdued voice.

"He doesn't know I was trying to reach him, does he?"

Mokuba shook his head. "I wanted him to get over it. You handed me an opportunity. I wasn't going to pass it up. I just didn't think he'd be so miserable."

"I do want to see him, very much. But I can wait. I tried to protect Yugi, and all I did was make everyone unhappy, Yugi and your brother not the least. I know this isn't what you want, but you need to decide if it's what you can accept. And you need to talk to your brother. Please let him know I was wrong and callous and thoughtless – but never faithless."

**MOKUBA'S POV**

At least Seto waited until Atemu had left before opening his mouth. There wasn't any question I was going to listen – not after what he'd been willing to risk. Besides, he'd earned a lot more than my attention. Yami's words had really brought home to me that I'd finally done something that would make Nisama heartsick when he found out. But I didn't have to ask to know that Seto wasn't going to say a word. He was going to let me decide whether to go on lying as usual – or whether to finally face up to the truth and talk to my brother. I owed Seto big time, both for that and for stopping me in the first place – not that he'd acknowledge my debt any more than Nisama would have. And just like with my brother, I'd have to figure out a way to pay him back on my own. I just hoped I'd do a better job of it.

Since Seto had appeared, I hadn't seen anything but my own anger… because I wanted Nisama to be the brother who had disappeared so long ago, I couldn't even remember him. I wanted him to be normal. I wanted him to be whole – not a new kind of splintered.

"He'd forgive Yami in a heartbeat. You know that," Seto said. "If you honestly want Kaiba to find his own life, you have to be ready to let him go, at least a little bit."

"It's not like that!" I said hotly. Seto didn't answer. His look was enough. "You don't understand. It's been just the two of us, forever. I've known ever since… ever since that coma, that taking care of him was my job, and I swore I'd do it, no matter what it took. You don't have to tell me I screwed up."

"Mokuba…" Seto said, then paused.

"I admit it would've been hard, but I swear I'd have made room for a real person. It's just… this isn't what I wanted for him," I continued. It seemed like I'd been saying that forever. "Nisama deserves better. He deserves someone who'll love him first, last, and always. Who'll be with him 24/7. He gets to see Yami for what… four or five hours a night while Yugi sleeps?"

"And that's probably all the intimacy your brother's capable of handling," Seto said quietly.

It was my turn to be silent, now.

"You love your brother, but are you ready to accept who he is?" Seto asked.

I wanted Seto to shut up. I wanted him to disappear again. I wanted the earth to open and swallow me because then I wouldn't have to answer.

"It kills me that I want more for Nisama than he wants for himself," I finally whispered.

"You've known him for years," Seto said. "You're the most important thing in the world to him. But I've lived in his soul. He loves Yami, and Yami loves him in return. Kaiba won't do anything to hurt you, no matter what the cost to his own heart. It's your call. You can let Kaiba have the love you think isn't good enough for him, or you can let things stay the way they are… let him ice over again. But even if he never sees Yami again, he's never going to forget him or stop wanting him either."

I'd always said I would do anything for Nisama. But this was a kind of sacrifice I'd never pictured having to make.

* * *

_**Thanks to Clarity for editing this chapter.**_

**REVIEW NOTE:** I reply to all signed reviews or reviews that have an email address directly. I reply to all unsigned reviews and post a summary of all replies on my LJ. The link is the first one on my Biopage. I generally post replies there when I update the next chapter.

**AUTHOR'S NOTES:** One thing that attracted me to writing this story is that I wanted to explore a darker, harder-edged side of Mokuba. I was pretty heavily influenced by the manga in this, where before and at Death-T, Mokuba is willing, even eager, to kill Yugi and company, if that's what he thinks his brother needs him to do. After Death-T he changes, but I've never been sure how much is an internal change, and how much can be attributed to the fact that he realizes his brother needs a different kind of support, and that helping his brother recapture his dreams will require a different strategy. So I wanted to explore the idea that if Mokuba decided his brother once again needed a more dramatic (and potentially bloodthirsty) course of action, he'd be ready to provide it.

I don't see Mokuba as being jealous in the conventional sense, though. That is I don't see him worrying that his brother would forget him, or wouldn't care, or that Yami (or anyone else) would displace him in Kaiba's thoughts and feelings. I think they have been through too much together and their bond is too strong for that. After all if he didn't doubt that Kaiba loves him even after he tries to kill him, I think it would take more than a lover to make Mokuba jealous. BUT… because it's been just the two of them for so long, I think Mokuba would find any change threatening and maybe even a little terrifying. And I can see him having trouble making room, almost not knowing how to do that, or even realizing that it's an inevitable consequence of his brother learning to open up a little.

I also think that what Mokuba wanted was proof that his brother was normal – that he could form normal friendships and relationships with people who inhabit their own bodies, so his relationships with Yami and Seto are, to Mokuba, just one more proof of how damaged his brother is.

In a way, Mokuba and Yami are facing the same issue and making the same mistake – trying to make decisions about the people they love without really stopping to look at those people for who they are and what they want – much less ask them.

It's funny, but although I think my two ongoing stories, Kaiba Light, and the Newly Revised Book of the Dead pretty different stories, with very different plots, I realized they explore a couple of similar themes from different perspectives, like the question of whether Yami would be willing and able to function independently, and what that process of defining himself would look and feel like, and the question of whether Mokuba loves his brother for the person he is and how he views his own role in shaping his brother.


	16. So here we are

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: We're finally at the last chapter. I'd love to know what you thought of the story.**

* * *

**CHAPTER 16: SO HERE WE ARE…**

**KAIBA'S POV**

I was finishing the pre-production work on 'Dragonflight' when Mokuba came in. I looked up, ready to show him the latest revisions. Mokuba and work. They were the two constants in my life. It was only now that there was no possibility of it happening that I freely admitted how much more I'd wanted.

Then I saw Mokuba's face. It hadn't seen him look this nervous – frightened, even – since… not in a while.

"Mokuba, what's wrong?"

He took a deep breath.

"Atemu's been here every day. He's been trying to see you… to tell you that he loves you and that he was wrong."

"What?" I said, feeling as if the breath had been knocked out of me.

"He tried calling you, emailing – he's even come to the mansion."

"No he hasn't," I contradicted.

"Yes he has. I blocked your calls and emails, and instructed the security staff to turn him away."

I couldn't help being proud of how efficient he'd been, even though nothing was making sense. I'd always scoffed at people who don't want to know exactly what's going on. Now I wondered if I was among their number. But Atemu had come to see me. Of course I wanted to hear more.

"It gets worse," Mokuba warned. "I almost killed Seto. I tried to trick Atemu into ordering Seto to see Yugi. I figured that's what it would take for you to forget him."

I searched for Seto in my mind. He was still there, peacefully asleep as far as I could tell. I looked at Mokuba, shaking my head in confusion.

"I hated Atemu for what he did," Mokuba continued, the words coming out in a rush, now. "I mean, I didn't like you being with him, but I could stand it while you were happy. But then you were hurting and pushing it all aside, and it was all Atemu's fault. I didn't want Atemu to say he was sorry. I wanted him to pay. I didn't know that what I was doing could have hurt Seto." Mokuba took a deep breath and straightened up, his face set in adult lines. It looked horribly familiar. "No… that's not the whole truth. It wasn't just ignorance. I didn't even think about what could happen. I didn't care as long as I got back at Atemu."

"I know what that's like." I hung my head. "I wanted more for you."

"Stop it! This was my doing, not yours!" he yelled.

"Was it? Would you have even thought of doing anything remotely like this if you didn't have a brother who…"

"Who did what? Who did everything to make me feel loved? I feel bad enough for what I did – for letting you down. If you start blaming yourself…" He broke off, trying not to cry.

"Seto seems to be okay," I said.

"I know. But that doesn't change anything. What I did was horrible. You should all hate me."

"I couldn't. Don't ask me to be mad at you. It's the one thing I can't do."

"I'll remember this forever. I swear it."

I nodded. "I know."

"Atemu and Seto are okay with me too. Part of me wishes they weren't. Getting forgiven sucks."

I nodded again. "I know."

"Except by you," he flashed a grin at me. "That's okay."

"It's time to tell me the rest," I said. "How did Seto survive?"

"Atemu didn't take the bait. He said to tell you he'd been stupid, but that he cared. He always cared."

"Why did you do it, Mokuba?"

"I wanted to prove that Atemu didn't love you."

"Why?" I asked. "I thought you liked Atemu."

"I wanted you to forget about him and find a real person. Atemu's a ghost, and ghosts don't count."

"Why not?"

"Because they're not real," Mokuba said impatiently.

"Aren't they? Mokuba, you know just how real ghosts can be. How many years have I spent fighting one?"

"How many years are you going to waste loving one?" Mokuba answered.

"Except for the time I'm with you… or when I'm designing things… the time with Atemu is the only thing that doesn't feel like a waste."

"I wish to hell you wanted more," he said. "But you don't."

"If my being with him bothered you this much, why didn't you tell me? You know I would have…"

"Broken up with him even if it tore your heart out? Yeah I know." The puzzled look on my face must have shattered the last strands of his temper, because Mokuba suddenly screamed, "I swear Nisama, sometimes you are so fucking stupid! I wish you would just look at him and think, 'Atemu, you're a nice guy, but let's face it, you're a spirit with four hours a day to spend with me. I'm sorry, but I deserve better.' But you won't say that, any more than…" Mokuba swallowed, then straightened, and looked me in the eye, just like I'd taught him, as he said, "Sometimes, I wish, back at the orphanage, that you'd said to me, 'I'm sorry Mokuba. I'll do my best, but I can't promise to be your father. I'm only 10 years old.' But you wouldn't say that either. So I figured it was my turn to protect you. It was stupid."

"Not stupid, Mokuba. Just futile. You can't protect me. No one can. And if you try, you'll destroy yourself. I tried to protect you – and look what happened. I almost killed you and you blame yourself for it."

"Atemu's still waiting to see you," he said, trying, as he always did, to steer the conversation into safer waters.

"How can I see him if it makes you this unhappy? I promised myself never to hurt you again," I asked.

"You're my Nisama. You can do anything you put your mind to. Please. You have to try." He looked down. "I really am sorry about… everything,"

"No," I answered. "Don't say it. Not unless you're ready to let me apologize to you. Mokuba…"

He looked at me, eyes dark and intense. I swallowed. We had never spoken of that day.

"Please… I know you've forgiven me for Death-T, but you've never let me tell you…" I said, a little desperately.

"You're my Nisama. There's nothing to forgive," he said. "Do you think I don't know what you did – all of it? What it cost you? God, Nisama – how do you forgive someone for giving up their very soul for you? I'm sorry, Nisama – I have forgiven you, but if you ever apologized to me, then I'd have to admit it had been real – that it hadn't all been a bad dream. And I'm not ready to do that. Maybe when I'm 20 – it can be like a coming of age present. We can apologize to each other."

"I don't blame you… about Atemu and Seto, I mean," I said.

"Hell, I know that. Within a day you'll probably have figured out why it was all your fault in the first place."

What if I promise not to?" I said, knowing it was a promise I'd never be able to keep… but for once that didn't matter.

Mokuba shook his head, but he was smiling as well. "You know Nisama – you really are changing, though not always fast enough, or in the direction, I'd expect." He saw the troubled look on my face and held up a hand to stop whatever I was about to say next. "No, Nisama – that's my problem to deal with – not yours," he laughed, "You have enough problems of your own without adding my stubbornness to them. And as for promising not to blame yourself for everything you can't control – that's one promise you're never going to keep. Just promise to listen when I tell you it's not your fault."

"Deal."

We hugged each other.

"Damn," he said. "I promised myself not to cry." His words were muffled against my chest.

"That's okay," I told him. "You can cry for the both of us."

I would have added that I was glad we'd made up – except how could we, when there'd never been anything broken between us?

**ATEMU'S POV**

I was surprised to get Mokuba's call, although nothing could have kept me away. Yugi almost pushed me into control of his body. Neither of us pretended his eagerness to have everything resolved was for my benefit alone.

Mokuba answered the door.

"No tricks this time," he promised before letting me in, and adding, "You look like shit."

"How's Kaiba?" I asked.

"You can see for yourself. I told him how often you've been here. He's waiting in his office."

I nodded.

"This isn't what I wanted for him," Mokuba said. I nodded again. He had been saying that from the beginning.

"I know. This isn't what I wanted for him, or for any of us, either."

Mokuba nodded. "But I shouldn't have butted in. I won't do it again. From here on out, whatever happens is between the two… or the four of you."

"That's the problem, isn't it? I love your brother, but it will always be the love of a spirit."

I walked to the door. I knew Mokuba's feelings. It was time to learn Kaiba's. I knocked on the office door.

"Come in," Kaiba said.

It hurt to look at him. His eyes were as bleak as at our first duel, in the moment when his Blue Eyes White dragon had destroyed itself; as blank as after Death-T. He looked he didn't believe in my presence, although I was standing in front of him.

"I deserve your hatred," I said.

"According to Mokuba, that's not what you're hoping for," he observed.

I nodded, even as I said, "I know what I've done is unforgivable."

Unexpectedly, Kaiba's lips quirked in his half smile at that. "Then I guess we're finally even. And I'm damned if I'm going to prove myself any worse at forgiving than you." He gave a choked off laugh, and murmured almost too quietly for me to hear, "And I think I truly would be damned then… because that is what the last week has felt like."

"Kaiba…" It was all I could say. I remembered that touch had always told him more than words. I climbed on top of him as he sat in his chair by his desk, took his face in my hands and kissed him as if I could transfer my feelings to him only through our lips, our tongues. I could feel his pulse jump, but he remained unresponsive. I realized that the last time I had kissed him this passionately, I had abandoned him a moment later.

"If I could undo this all, I would. I think I've done nothing but harm the people I love. If I could free Yugi, give him his life back I would."

"Yugi assembled the puzzle," he answered. "I claimed the Rod. I didn't think Yugi was worse than I at living with his actions."

"He's not! Yugi would never shirk a responsibility," I yelled.

Kaiba smirked at me, "You're slipping, Atemu, if I can bait you this easily."

"I know. I may be 3,000 years old, but when I'm with you, I'm reminded of just how few of those years I've spent walking this earth. I wasn't supposed to care for anyone… to want to protect anyone… like with Yugi. And yet, what I feel is different. I was confused. I ran."

"Is this an apology?"

"I don't know. How does one apologize for doing something unforgivable? I tried to see you as soon as I realized what I had done, though."

"I know. Mokuba told me. He told me everything." Kaiba looked at me, utterly serious. "You must forgive him."

It wasn't an ultimatum. It was a statement of fact.

I nodded. How could I do anything other than forgive the crimes Mokuba had committed in defense of his brother?

"He wanted what's best for me," Kaiba laughed softly, I almost leaned into the gentleness of the sound. "At least he's not following in my footsteps any more… he's making his own mistakes now."

"Haven't you always wanted what was best for him?"

"Not really. I wanted him safe. I wanted him strong enough to handle whatever life threw his way. Maybe my wishes are just less extravagant."

Kaiba knew what his brother had done. He knew how Mokuba felt. And yet, against expectations, Kaiba was open to the idea of continuing. I wondered what had happened between them. I didn't ask. Kaiba would tell me (or more probably not) in his own time and for his own reasons. I would accept it. It was hard, learning this thing called privacy.

Nor did I ask Kaiba if he would forgive me. I knew he wanted to. But forgiveness and trust were not Kaiba's strong suits. All I wanted was the one thing I could not give in return: time.

"You'll never really trust me again," I murmured.

"Probably not," Kaiba answered, and I realized I had spoken aloud. "But I don't know that I would have in any case… trust you, I mean," he continued. "I don't know that I'll ever really trust anyone but Mokuba. I've learned to live with that." He looked me in the eye. "Can you?"

"Yes," I said without hesitation. I could live with it, if I had to, but that didn't mean I accepted it or that I had no intention of trying to change his mind. "I can accept anything that allows us to continue."

"That sounds like a rationalization."

"Maybe. Do you care?" I asked.

"Not in the slightest," he said with a smirk.

I grinned back. Then something caught my eye. I had once asked Kaiba why he spoke so seldom, why he never talked about his feelings. He hadn't answered me with words. Instead he had layered colored liquids in a glass, creating a vision of the sun setting on the ocean. Then he had deliberately stirred it up, temporarily destroying its fragile beauty.

Now I saw that Kaiba had carried the glass to his office. The liquid had evaporated a little, but its sunset pattern was still intact, still beautiful. I wondered if it proved my point that even in the midst of confusion, some things are unchangeable – or Kaiba's, that things inherently unstable are best left unshaken.

I smiled. Possibly equilibrium had been restored.

I kissed him, gently this time, and swore, "I will not make the same mistake twice. I can not shatter your heart again, without breaking my own."

He pulled me to him then, finally returning my kiss with a matching passion.

I was leaning into him, testing the limits of how far back the chair would go. I lifted my head from his and smiled, "I've always wondered if your desk would serve as a bed."

"Me too," he grinned, flipping me onto its surface.

I shook my head in wonder, as I unbuttoned his shirt, as I slipped out of my own. "Have we somehow, through all of this, managed to reach a happy ending?"

He shrugged his shoulders, even as he shrugged out of his pants. "How the hell should I know? You must really be fucked up, if I'm suddenly the happiness expert around here." He looked at me, realized my question was a serious one, and said. "Most mornings, the best choice you can make is to face the new day, whatever it brings. I'd just as soon it brought the knowledge I'll be seeing you each night." Although his next words were flippant, his tone was as thoughtful as I could wish as he added, "Is this a happy ending? No. Because it's not ending, and that makes it happy enough for me."

* * *

_**Thanks to Clarity for all your help on this story.**_

**REVIEW NOTE:** I reply to all signed reviews or reviews that have an email address directly. I reply to all unsigned reviews and post a summary of all replies on my LJ. The link is the first one on my Biopage.

**AUTHOR'S NOTES:** Part of what attracted me to writing 'There's no such flavor as Kaiba Light' was the whole metaphysical thing; the whole debate what makes a soul and a persona. Probably my favorite part in the story came early, when Seto says, "Are Seto Kaiba and I the same person? I suppose it depends on whether you think that the soul is not only something unique, but something immutable, unchangeable. Then Seto Kaiba and I, despite the span of years that separate us, are indeed one person. Or do you believe that we are unalterably changed by the people we meet, the experiences we undergo, as we undertake life's journey? Then Seto Kaiba and I – for all that we share a soul – are two separate people."

Ironically, the other thing that attracted me to writing this was that I love screwball comedies and stories that revolve around twins and that have people running in and out of the wrong rooms. And the thought of two Setos in the same body was just too slapstick funny to be resisted.

So of course I decided combining metaphysics and slapstick comedy was a good idea.

In a way this story gave me a chance to explore some things that I've wondered about, and that oddly came together here. I found myself intrigued by the whole time-sharing aspect of Yugi and Yami's relationship. The only other examples in Yugioh area decidedly hostile ones, (yes, I know the even-eviler Malik is not a spirit, but a personality disorder, but the time sharing aspect still applies) so I wanted to think about what a model that was equitable and yet didn't have the cozy friendliness of Yugi and Yami would look like. And Seto was a High Priest, and I can't imagine him not fulfilling his responsibilities whole-heartedly. In other words, if he was a priest, I bet he was devout in his beliefs, because it's not in his nature to hold back. So I found myself interested in what would happen if he was in a world where he was the only one holding those beliefs. And Kaiba always looks so hard to the future, that I wondered how his past self would reconcile that past with suddenly being in the future.

In a way this story was a bit of a departure for me in that it focused so exclusively on how these five people were muddling through their lives. It ignored the other characters and played with canon and set limits on its scope as if there was no world beyond what these five people were experiencing. To me, it ended up being a story about compromising with life and just continuing whether or not everything is the way you'd ideally want it to be. If the story started out being about the wishes of the heart, it ended up being about the idea that it might be best if those wishes aren't too extravagant and come with plenty of caveats.

I enjoyed writing Kaiba Light. If it was a bit of a roller-coaster, veering from humor to angst and from character to character, I hope it was an enjoyable ride.

Thanks for reading.


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